Mom has been ill for 10 years now. It began with heart failure, then dementia (still undiagnosed) though doctor says that she “sundowns”! I think they don’t want to diagnose it. I don’t take her to doctor … not strong enough physically so my brother does. He tells me nothing and now she rarely goes to the doctor. A nurse practitioner came in once a month, but she kicked her out too. Something is wrong with just about everyone. Her “dementia” has been obvious to me for at least three years. It has gotten worse and the whole time she has been agitated, angry, and says hurtful things. She did not want antidepressants, but is on a benzo (relaxation drug) for mornings. Very low dose and it helps for that time of day. She is ill and my denial takes the form of trying to reason with her. Yesterday is an example of how I get confused. I called and asked IF she had eaten the food I sent over. I cook, freeze in one meal containers. I had made a favorite of her (took 4 hours and I hate to cook!). She had ranted and raved over how much she loved it. Soo .. thinking I might cook it again, I called and asked if she had eaten it. She got furious. She said: stop asking me and don’t cook for me anymore. And why are you so persistent? Then, today is her 90th Birthday. Yesterday I called to ask if she would like to go out today? And she got really angry. “why would I want to celebrate my birthday? Do you like to?” …. All in such an angry tone of voice. She continued to berate me till I put the phone down. Yep. I hung up. I feel like I cant do this any longer. She has refused every caretaker and doctor access. She was never this way. I love her but it is affecting me to where I dread this.