Follow
Share

My 69 YO Dad is currently living at home by himself, has a caregiver "check-in" on him 2 times a day - he had a situation where he wasn't careful with his meds (took too much of some, not enough of the other) - and was imbalanced, and sent to the ER.
Long story short, he was in the ER/Hospital for almost a month before he was discharged - convinced the medical staff that he could go home on his own (has a history of mental illness, takes meds for psych/anxiety/depression and also has a prescription for Vicodin) - so my family and I worked to get him a caregiver, Life Alert system and a locking medication box so he would be "safe" at his house.
Not even a full week in, and things are not going well - he is constantly upset/tearful, constantly asking for the Vicodin pills and is getting angry with us (family), who are trying to help him.
He is divorced, so the "family" that is helping him are his 4 daughters - we are all in our 30's, and not financially prepared to help him with care - and are finding it's becoming mentally and emotionally draining for all of us, not a sustainable lifestyle at our age.
We did not have a close relationship with our Dad, so at times this is more of a burden than anything.
Questions: are there legal options for us if we decide that we can no longer help him take care of himself? I do not want to become a guardian for him. I am currently his POA so that in itself is a responsibility.


Thoughts? Coming from some *exhausted* daughters.

Find Care & Housing
You and your siblings under no legal obligation to take responsibility of your father. Nor are any of you obligated to be his caregiver or provide for him financially unless one of you has court-appointed conservatorship over him.
Unless he's declared mentally incompetent, he's responsible for himself. Get your name off that POA document.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to BurntCaregiver
Report

If he has not been declared incompetent he has the legal right to decide where he lives and how. You would have to learn to establish boundaries.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to gladimhere
Report

Just a heads up that even if/when he becomes a ward of the county it won't stop him from calling and calling you daughters. I wish you peace in your hearts. You've gone above and beyond.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Geaton777
Report

You don’t need a legal option to opt out of caregiving. It’s your choice to be a part of helping him or not. It sounds like the mental illness and possible addiction issues are becoming unbearable. You can report him to APS and choose your level of involvement, including no involvement. My dad was mostly easy to care for, with some bumps in the road. But I wasn’t dealing with your dad’s set of issues. It’s so hard, I wish you wisdom and peace
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Daughterof1930
Report

I am assuming you are his POA for health care, not financial. If you do not wish to act as either you will need to send a resignation letter to your father indicating this. I would then report him to APS as a senior at risk. Tell them all that you have told us.
He is not assessed as demented, so they are unlikely to see to it that he is put in the care of the state; but they can do wellness checks on him. If they suggest that you assume POA or Guardianship tell them that has been impossible for you due to his being non-cooperative with family, and that family relationships in past and present are not conducive to your assuming any care. Request that he be put into guardianship or conservatorship by the state. They will then decide when, where, if he is requiring placement. You will not have any say at that point where he goes or how his assets are spent by the Fiduciary for his care.
You are not legally liable to care for your father.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to AlvaDeer
Report

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter