Can I move my ill Dad to live with me and leave his abusive, mentally imbalanced wife (not my mom) behind?

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I have financial and health POA. It sounds cruel but she has done everything possible to keep him away from his three kids, including moving and disconnecting the phone. My dad has some health issues, not sure to what extent, but has allowed himself to be controlled by her because he didn't think we cared. We care deeply but could not find them! He is currently in a skilled nursing facility getting treated for a blood infection after she left him - let's just say - in a "mess" for a week. We called the police and they tracked them down, took him to emergency where he stayed for 5 days before going to SNF to get IV antibiotics. Physical therapy is working with him to try to get him to walk. We truly don't know the extent of his mental and physical state completely but we do not want him to go back to living with her and the filth and abuse. She truly has mental issues, even the hospital acknowledged it but couldn't do anything because she was not their patient. They are out of state. Her three kids have disowned her and don't care what happens to her. I don't even know where to begin to get help. Adult Protective Services is involved but said dad could go back but they didn't even want to see the pictures or video we took of their house. The hospital caseworker said not to let him go back. I have POA for him and her. I can get him in rehab in my town but I'm having a hard time finding compassion for her. One minute she's lucid and the next minute she's hallucinating. I realize mental illness is a true and serious issue, I don't mean to sound callous but I am tapped out. I work two jobs, take care of my teenage son, just bought a house and do want to care for my dad. He is 79 and she is 75, they've been married 30 years. He makes a heck of a military retirement and social security, her income is very small and she could not make it on her own. She handles the bank accounts and drains every penny every month. We've asked her kids to step up and they refuse. When I say kids, we are all in our 50's!! I think she realizes that she is having a hard time coping. What are my moral responsibilities toward her, that's what I'm struggling with! I will take care of my mom and dad as long as I can. My mom lives in my town and is aging, so she's next! Thank you.

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GSA, good points, especially about the abandonment issue and any interest to which she might be entitled from his military pension.
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Before you move your dad, please consult an elder attorney to see what kind of support your stepmother is entitled to. After 30 years marriage, if she is almost destitute, abandonment by her husband could really cause him problems if she files for divorce. After 10 years she is entitled to part of his social security and possibly military pension benefits. Don't cause more problems by acting without legal advice! Her kids will act quickly to make sure the financial pain does not fall on them, trust me.
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I'm going to take a different approach. You have some legal obligation as proxy under the DPOA and medical POA to your stepmother. Relinquish that and you'll have no more legal obligation.

I don't see why you should have any moral obligation to someone who has behaved as you described. Your father married her; you didn't. Let her children deal with her and get your father away from her, in a place close to you where you can assist him, or in your own home if you're up to that challenge.

Contact your attorney or the attorney who prepared the POAs and have him/her prepare new ones for your father alone. There's no reason why they have to be joint at this point in your father's life. The attorney can also advise you how to resign from responsibility for your stepmother, probably by notifying her by certified mail that you're declining to act.

If your father has any service connected disability, contact either the VA Eligibility Department or one of the services organizations such as American Legion or VFW to find out if he's qualified for Aide and Attendance, which could help in his care.
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Moral responsibilities are always tough. In this case I think it would be immoral to leave your stepmom behind. I understand she's a pain in the neck and has issues galore and even her own kids don't want to have anything to do with her but she is your dad's wife and legally, I think, that makes her his next of kin. Even if it doesn't she's his wife. They're a package deal. And her kids not being in the picture just makes it easier for you. Imagine if they were involved in her care. There'd be a group of you trying to care for each parent and that would be a logistical mess so maybe that's a bright side.
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What are your moral responsibilities? It sounds like your dad wants her in his life, so it is up to you to find a way to facilitate that. Beyond that she has legal rights as his spouse, it's not like you can pretend the last 30 years away. I think the best option would be to encourage them to relocate to a continuing care facility where their present and future needs can be met.
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