Calming a client, with dementia, when she has lost control over her finances and mail? Client can’t make appropriate choices.

Wow, do I feel for you. My mom was EXACTLY like this. She was still driving at the time and was driving herself to the bank - and driving everyone crazy. The best thing we did was slowly remove all papers from her house -- we emptied files until absolutely nothing was left -- because the papers were triggers. We would leave a few things that couldn't get her into trouble. We did not tell her we were having her mail held and changing addresses on every account she had. This would have incited unrelenting anxiety and anger. We carefully sneaked out all reminders of her finances, bills, anything with phone numbers (all businesses and some personal), etc. We even removed paper and pens because she would constantly write notes (like "Go to bank") and these would trigger her. Each visit would include careful scouring and removal of all notes. Anything out of sight will eventually be out of mind -- but there may be some painful moments during the transition to forgetting. It is not cruel. It is the only way to curb the extreme anxiety and keep her safe. ...We ran around her house like crazy people when she was not looking because we had to remove any and all triggers, notes, and things that might get her in trouble. ...Last thing to go was her checkbook, which she obsessed over and a few remaining bank statements. As she grew frustrated looking for things, she would lose track of what she was looking for and eventually give up (especially if she couldn't write a note to remind herself because she couldn't find a pen and paper). This is not an easy process, but hope some of my experience will help. Hopefully, you can get her family members on board with this. Perhaps you can deflect certain requests, such as saying 'your daughter said she was taking you to the bank next time she is here, and she asked me not to take you today.' It doesn't matter if this is true. You are just trying to keep her calm and safe. This is truly the most frustrating thing, I know!

A person who was formerly very capable, used to having all their ducks in a row, can't change; and we all learn from this forum that dementia seems to only intensify these outstanding parts of a person's personality. And paranoia also comes with dementia. Kick the problem 'upstairs'...tell your client you've been instructed to just help her with basic needs, that finances are not your job. You can tell her that mail goes to the post office to Protect Her from mail theft, which we all know has increased lately, as with 'porch pirates' grabbing delivered boxes, etc. Tell her politely but very firmly, that her Raising Her Voice with you could make you not want to work for her, that if she wants your help she must remember her manners. Many elders were raised to be courtesy to some level or other, so fall back on That ingrained early training/memory. Let your client know that if she loses her temper with you that you have to leave the room. Then do it, at the drop of one harsh word, just don't give an inch. It's so much like training a small child, instant consequences, because sadly dementia has reduced these elders to a childlike stage again. All the best.

Why would anyone tell her, her mail goes to a p.o. box now??? Of course she is going to hone in on that! Or tell her she can't go to the bank.
Could you tell her she already went to rhe bank that week and all her bills are paid up? Or the bank is closed due to covid? Or give her old checks that aren't associated with a bank any more. Let her fill them out and pretend to mail. I don't know if you could find fake checks online and print out.
What about saving up some some junk mail and putting it in her mailbox but hide the address.
There was a daughter on Next Door who asked if we could send her 95 yr old mother Christmas cards. She was used to getting them in her younger yrs and was disappointed she doesnt get them any more. People sent nice notes and cards. She is up to 185 and counting now. People are still sending them. The mom was thrilled. And enjoyed setting them up on a table to admire them all. Maybe you can do something like that. She gets to focus on something positive. Or get a cheap box of diff Christmas cards and put them 1 at a time in her mailbox. Not sure if she will notice no stamp. Get her to focus on that.
Id tell her if it's Friday, remember we went on Monday to the bank. They are closed now. All bills paid and up to date. Your very good about keeping up with them. It's lunch time, what are we doing for lunch. That kitchen sink needs a good shine, wanna help. It's laundry time, I got some new downy. Wanna help fold? Good luck.

I'm the power of attorney for an elderly cousin with dementia. Like your client, she was always very careful and in control of her money. The situation was a little bit different in her case, because at the point at I was dealing with this (she's now in a memory unit), she was able to get herself to the bank, and I was worried about what she might do. I had a conversation with the bank manager and also the person in the branch assigned to her investment account, so they knew what was going on, and knew not to approve any of her requests without my being looped in on the conversation. Perhaps there's some variation of this that would help here? Could you and her family let the bank know what's going on, and then, say, take her once a week? You could tell her that because of covid, it's impossible to take her more often. (I don't know where you're located, but in my location, bank hours are reduced and so is staffing.) That way if she complains about you to the bank, it will be on the record as to what's really going on (though I suspect they know anyway). I was surprised about how willing the bank personnel in my cousin's bank were to help, especially because this was a large branch of a major bank.

Do not try to deflect her or change the subject. That will only make her angrier.
If she gets furious and starts telling you that your job is to take her to the bank tell her the truth. That she doesn't decide what your job is, your agency does. Then explain that the family (name them by name) gave you specific orders not to take her to the bank and if you do, you'll get in trouble with your agency. You will too because if the family told you not to take her to the bank, they will report you to your supervisor if you do.
When she starts up about the mail not coming to her house, tell her the truth on that too. Explain that her family (name them by name) is having her mail redirected to a P.O. box and that they sort it out for her to pay all of her bills.
Don't lie to her. Don't try to distract and deflect. Tell her the truth. You do not have to deal with her being furious at you. You didn't make these decisions for her. Her family did. Let them take the heat for it, not you.

Tell her that COVID is still a problem. Most banks require appointments made in advance to see a banker in person. Tell her that having family "sanitize" her mail before she gets it also protects her against COVID. Make sure she gets some mail - like letters and cards from family and friends.

Ask family and friends to send her letters and cards throughout the year as their Christmas gifts to her.

Since you say she can't be redirected or distracted... does it occur during the afternoons? If so, she is Sundowning, in which case you may need to preempt this phenomenon and start distracting her before she devolves into this obsession. If this isn't the case then I would contact the PoA to let them know that you've tried many tactics to address this problem and now need their input and action. She may need meds to reduce her agitation (and the PoA needs to come to this conclusion, I wouldn't suggest it yourself).

A sweet husband told me he sat his wife at a table with various envelopes and papers and she happily shuffled them around and found it calming. Could you bring some of the mail from the post box to the house?

My Husband loved to go get the mail daily. I was afraid if he got the mail important things would be lost. I would go to the mailbox and pull out important items and leave the junk mail. He would go out get the mail and bring it in. There were days when I put junk mail in the box if there was no mail that day. So Sunday and holidays I would put stuff in the box.
What if you brought junk mail to her and said you picked it up on the way in. Would that relieve some of her anxiety about loosing control of that aspect?
As far as trying to deflect sometimes it works sometimes not so much. Maybe tell her that it is out of your control as well and you understand her frustration and she should discuss it with family.
I would probably avoid the places that upset her, the bank and post office. Would she get upset if you took her to a totally different bank, a different branch and use the drive through. Same with the post office, go to a different one or just use the outside postal box to mail items.

get mail at the home keep everything like she remembers for as long as you can let her be at times , other times do puzzles or any kind of mind stimulation i find that caressing shoulders and scalp can be most beneficial please understand I'm extremely good at all of this and think my advice will work for many , yes I'm bragging and never will i stop trying any new thing that makes the patient feel the best for the longest . Attention avoid automobiles ,loud noises crowds keep it simple think of how you would want to be less burdened. Remember this person or patient deserves the utmost respect and the kind of care only a truly caring person can provide , Screen Applicants with Caution and Background Checks . No Fussy No Moodiness No Anxiety No Lack Of Attention like I see in so Many Situations sorry if any of you get offended Not About You Period. Thank You For Letting Me Be A Part Of Solutions Not Problems .