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The chaos that they caused when taking care of my Dad. My Mom passed away, my Dad went into a complete funk 3 days later, never recovered. They had "no will, no health care proxy, no living will or Will" With the help of my husband we got that taken care of. When it came to the question "who would be the POA, Executor" I suggested my two brothers. My dad said NO, that he wanted myself. I repeatedly suggested it would be best to have those two since they lived in the same state. Dad was adamant that I be the POA/Executor. I thought ok no big deal I guess! Not knowing what I would be dealing with ie siblings.
During his care, I asked, begged for help from all my sibling that lived in the area...I was the one that lived out of state, (when commuting up would stay with my parents). They were all too busy, I had my older brother who was the "phone guy", never would come over to take my dad to doctors appointment, nothing just the phone guy...Had another brother that was coming over, taking things with out asking, asking for larger sum of money...to the point that I had to get an attorney to write a letter about removing items from the home, taking advantage of dad's depression after my mom's death. Had a sister who would come over ask "dad do you need any help" of course my Dad would say he was fine...mean while I was in between flights cleaning up fecal matter, changing bed liens, cooking meals, doctor appt, or ER visits, because of falls, missing flight etc. Dealing with a brother that lived at my parents, who was a functioning alcoholic, in all grace he did help with dad...the only one..but always drunk!
This went on until I had a choice to either quit my job, or dad had to move, because of all the ER visits. Social worker told me she would charge me with Elder Abuse. Basically "forcing me" to do something. Very upset over this, I looked at many assist living places with my baby sister, walking away very depress... someone had their mom at a "Family Adult Home"...Long story short a Blessing! They where absolutely wonderful. Of course my siblings were very upset with me, because I did not choose a place that took the individuals on outings. (My dad went from a energic man to sleeping all day, to wheel chair bound because muscle had atrophied).
Dad lived for three years, I was there every other day after my flights, only going home one weekend a month...Almost got a divorce because I was never home. Siblings call Anika's place the "Warehouse for the Dead". Fast Fwd. In July I was home, my Dad decide it was time to be with my mom. While packing to get up there, 3hr drive before getting on a plane...I called older brother to go to the hospital and to please take care of things until I got their, which he never did until my dad had Passed (5hrs later). My siblings all blamed me for not calling them, (I was dealing with the Hospital/Doctors and driving like a maniac). Thinking that my Older brother was handling all these issues with the siblings.
Treated me like I was this awful person, told relatives/friends at the funeral, that I never notified them, sister who works for the same airline (thx's to me) told crews lies about me, basically I was shunned by my own family!
NEVER once in the last 5 yrs heard a thank you for all I did, older brother never set the record straight about the call from me, never a Sorry nothing. When I tried to bring it up, no one was willing to talk. Basically, their behavior was exceptable. They get together for family Xmas dinner, never am I invited...and my Older Brother goes around to family function acting like he is the patriarch of the family. I have forgiven them all because it is healthy for myself period!....But every once in a while I resent them especially my old brother, my sister who works for the same airline. They act like they where always their for my parents..I just want to throw up...Today I feel this way and I hate it.

Now would be a good time to start preparing your bill for services rendered to the estate prior to the passing of of your mother and to prepare a billing for being the executor of the estate.
If anything is left that will their fair share and I think they will have to go to court to challenge you. I hoe you kept receipts.

Best of luck.
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Reply to OldSailor
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I have one sibling from my family of origin. Father passed years ago, mother lst December. I was POA and am executrix, I have had nothing but criticism from my sib all my life, and no even acknowledgement that being POA and executrix is a hard job. As mother's estate is winding down I am cutting off contact more and more with the aim of no contact with my sib eventually. This is for my self preservation. I have had lies told about me too, I can't change my sib but I can protect myself. I suggest you protect yourself. You can't get blood out of a stone.
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Reply to golden23
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I understand. And I know that 99% of your post is a soul-cleansing rant. There are many, many people on this forum who have issues with sibs and family, me included. I will not bore you with those details. It’s my husband’s family, and they are fickle and matter not. But, a lady I work with has the best answer to the situations. All she told me was “be the better person”. And, I was. And, I am very proud of myself.
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Reply to Ahmijoy
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I only have one question. Why are you having ANYTHING EVER WHATSOEVER TO DO WITH THESE PEOPLE. I do mean why are you EVER? Because you can be certain they would never see me again, nor speak with me, nor write me. I am not big on blood, and that crew are one genetic nightmare. Lordy, hon. You just GOT to be adopted. Or SHOULD be now, perhaps. If I got it right you live in another place. Please keep it that way.
In life we have two chances with family. One the one we are born into. One the one we make. Now, you have a real family and luckily you did NOT sustain a divorce, but with all that chaos and anxiety I can't imagine HOW. Get on with a good life now. Leave them behind. PLEASE, leave them behind and have a decent life. You did all you could. You were the favorite child, apparently, and apparently your Dad didn't completely trust the others (perhaps with good reason).
Now. Go forth and be happy. It is over. I want to say something REALLY mean like "My third finger out to your family", but I am a sweet old woman and I would never do anything like that! Hugs.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Boy, can I relate. So sorry you are having to go through such a miserable experience and knowing family can and does this to each other. It's a tough road, but instead of letting the pain build and boil over, and I know it's hard, but don't let the anger break you, because it will if you don't let go of it.
Forgive them for being such jerks and work on getting yourself back together. You know what you did, and how you did it. When you least expect it, the past will come up and bite them, call it Karma, just desserts or payback, it will come.
By not forgiving them, you won't be able to forget and it'll fester. That spreads to other people in your life and things like trust become harder. Always expecting the worst etc. Don't expect to be able to fully forgive them for a while. It takes time, but it's for your betterment, than for them.
I hope your anger and resentment will mellow quickly for you, I know it hurts. How my sister played me... I still have moments where I choke up, but it's getting better and the same will happen to you. I realize it's easier said than done, but you're worth it, yes?
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Reply to GloriaHoward
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