My dad is currently 81 and has had COPD for sometime. For the past few years he has gotten increasingly difficult. He has always been a negative, pessimistic type but for some reason he has gotten more volatile depending on the situation. He's one of these people that is never happy about anything, my brother and I still live in the same house with him. And he feels that he can use us as "punching bags" per se whenever he gets angry or etc. And the most recent is he has come down with a bad cold that he is convinced is the COPD when you an obviously hear that its a cold of some kind. And he has been making us miserable over this and repeatedly we asked him if he wanted to go to the hospital since its the weekend and his Dr isn't around. And the continual answer is no. I seriously don't know what he expects from us. And of course he keeps talking about dying. Not sure what to do anymore, or is it time to just "walk away".

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Because Dad has COPD, his brain may not be getting enough oxygen. He is probably miserable because its hard to breath making you tired and weak. If Dad is not on oxygen he may need to be. There is a little clip you put on the end of the finger. It measures Pause ox. If under 95 not good, if under 90 really not good. You can get these at the pharmacy for $40. And a cold will make COPD symptoms worse. Could go into pneumonia.
He needs to see a doctor.

People say move out but I know thats not an easy thing today. Cost of housing is high and increases every year. Then there are jobs making enough money to live on your own. I wouldn't abandon Dad but I would set boundries. If you are 18 and over, working and helping to pay bills, then you have some say. When Dad gets abusive, walk away. Get out of the house for a while. When he calms down tell him you won't take his abuse. If it continues get a place together and move out.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to JoAnn29

Move out!!!!!
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Reply to BrokenDaughter8

Ahmijoy, makes excellent points. I'd try to get your dad with his doctor and figure out what is going on. If possible, let doctor know what you are observing with his behavior. Some write a note and give to doctor before the appointment, so he has the heads up. He can order tests, check for UTI, do a mini mental evaluation in the office. It's important to know if dad is just being grouchy or is he having some cognitive decline due to some condition. I'd try to rule out UTI, medication reactions, depression, dementia, etc.

I found it somewhat easier to handle the negative and rude behavior of my LO once, I found out that she had dementia. She had other ailment too, but, she became quite difficult to deal with, resistant to care, uncaring, rude, solitary, etc.

I hope you find your answers.
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Reply to Sunnygirl1

The only way you will find out for sure what’s going on with your father is to take him to his doctor. You need a real answer based on a medical and maybe mental evaluation. We suggest telling elders who refuse to go to the doctor that they need to go once a year or they will lose their insurance coverage. Unreasonable anger, even if he has a history of this behavior, can be a sign of mental issues. It could be a urinary tract infection or even the onset of dementia.

When you find out what’s going on with Dad, make up your mind what to do from there with the help of his doctor. Dad may believe you should tolerate his behavior because he is your dad. If you and your brother are adults, maybe it’s time you did move out and make your own lives. If Dad has mental issues, he probably shouldn’t be completely abandoned, but you need to find out what’s going on with him before you decide to do anything.
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Reply to Ahmijoy

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