NoMore, can you reach out to someone about the abuse you are suffering? Could you call the police, or call a battered women's shelter? We all have low moments, but no one should be thinking of suicide every day.

Please keep us updated. You matter.
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Reply to SnoopyLove

Every day. I think about jumping in front of one of the big trucks from the local turkey farm so at least they can finally get some $$$$ out of my death, since he thinks I’m a gold digger. He’ll only stop abusing me when I die, and if he can get some money out of me all the better. Sometimes I think about jumping off the bridge right outside the farmhouse in the creek. I’d just splat on the rocks and someone else would have to clean up the mess for a change.
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Reply to NoMore2019

Hi, Jada. I'm no longer a full time, live in caregiver to my grandmother and dad, but starting down that caregiving road was the most stressful thing I've ever experienced right from the beginning. My grandmother passed and then I was left to care for my father who had some medical crises over the next several years. From about 2 years into caregiving until the end of it, I was very depressed and thought often about ending my own life, OR... I thought about killing my father... because I saw him as the source of all my problems at that time.

It's irrational thinking, and I realize that now, and even realized it then to some extent. But the STRESS that comes with caregiving to others can wreck our brains. Caregiving is a one-way emotional drain most of the time. You're giving, they're taking, day in and day out. If you see yourself as "stuck" in a caregiving situation, of course you're going to feel depressed and hopeless at times, if not all the time.

Is there any support around you who can help in the form of family, good friends, your church, anything...? Can you get an appointment with a therapist or a psychiatrist to discuss how you're feeling?

I remember feeling so desperate. I'm so, SO very glad I'm not still in that spot, as my caregiving situation has resolved and I'm back to my own self-focused life again. You need help, dear. Call your best friend and get some emotional support, make an appointment with a doctor, and come here on Aging Care and find support threads to get involved in, if you want. People here get what you're going through and want to be supportive of you.
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Reply to AliBoBali

Hi jadaprincess, 

Caregiving is a long, difficult road, and we’re happy you have found the support of others here on this site. It’s important to foster an open and honest dialogue about mental health issues like depression and suicide. However, there are limits to what untrained members on our site can provide.

Please reach out to experts for additional support and the help you need by calling the 24/7 National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

Take care.
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Reply to AgingCareCM

1-800-273-8255 is the number for the National Suicide Prevention Hotline. Give them a call.
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Reply to Ahmijoy

If you are experiencing these feelings, please seek immediate help.

Depression can happen with caregivers, but suicidal thoughts are not a thing to ignore.

Please seek help now!
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal

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