Has anyone else noticed that sibling(s) that do not help with caregiving, seem to be the most concerned about the inheritance?

An only child, I am POA for my dad. Due to Dementia his doc said no more driving. I have 3 sons that couldn't bother to even visit dad. I sold 2 cars and deposited the money in dad's checking account. I took him where he had to go. Then came the stroke. Tried to keep dad at home with 24 HR care. That didn't work out. Dad's doc said he needed better care, so I found an AL facility. Couldn't keep the house going and pay AL too. Come to find out, my youngest son did come visit dad at home! Dad thought he was signing divorce papers for him when in reality they were papers using dad's house as collateral on a mortgage. Had to sell the house. At closing the mortgage was paid. Had to use dads elder care atty to go after my son to repay the mortgage. Got the first payment last week. Has he seen dad? No. Have my other 2 sons seen Pop Pop? No. Why? Well, SHE sold the house and took the money! Do they realize that SHE is making sure that the nursing home is being paid every month? I say nursing home because dad had aspiration pneumonia and needed more care than AL could provide. So..... When the day comes that Dad is called Home, there are no cars left, no home left and his bank accounts are joint accounts with me. Nothing left for them, so why bother to visit??? It's sickening to me.

My dear Whitney you have just made my day. My mom passed a month ago and as Executor I am in the midst of handling the estate. My brother and only sibling gets half of everything even though he refused to visit his mother for the past 30 years. Sometimes I believe she struggled to hang on and stay alive to see her son again. I took time off work and travelled 3,000 miles twice a year for decades to see her and handled everything for her for her adult life from soup to nuts (she was mentally ill). Although he refuses to have any contact with me you can bet he is most definitely concerned about getting his "fair" share. It is what it is and who knows why. Thank you for posting this question. It is one of life's great mysteries.

I read these family stories and often wonder how my caregiving journey would have differed if my brother was still alive. He was moms favorite but i am not sure he would have stepped up. On days when it seems too much, i just imagine how much worse it would be if i were fighting with my brother too. We always got along, but i think our relationship might not have survived the long caregiving of mom.

We are in the opposite situation. My husband and his brother are telling their parents to spend their money on their care and to hire people to do work around the house that they no longer can do. My in-laws insist my husband's brother / his wife do all of the work so MIL/FIL don't have to pay anyone else and promise leaving an inheritance. When we visit (we live across country), we are met with a huge to-do list and they get really bent out of shape if we don't get it all done. I'd love them to spend their money on cleaners, window washers, lawn mowers, handy man services and quit making demands on the rest of us. None of us want to deal with a house after they pass.

The more I read about this subject the more sad I get. People who do not do the work have no idea how much work you are doing. If you hire a maid and she is working her a## off and you complain she is not working hard enough. (situation in which you never cleaned your house yourself and have no idea how much work it takes to say-Keeping the Bathroom clean) Makes be happy I don't have any brothers or sisters.

Not everyone is altruistic. Money can solve a lot of problems, so do not judge.

Karma will take care of these selfish people, no worries

Mother died last spring and it is heartbreaking how the normally tight family has deteriorated. Tried to put together a plan where her house could be sold to a family member but greed and backstabbing erupted before I could even put a proposal on the table. Truly is heartbreaking.

Anecdote from our family that relates where we are on this---my brother had incessantly been after me to take the car keys from our dad, always telling me he wasn't safe to drive any longer. Yet I was the one who had been to all Doctor appts and asked about driving and heard multiple docs say it was okay on a limited basis. I'm also the one who drives dad everywhere he needs to go to limit his driving. Yet brother persisted. Finally I told him that as POA that the minute the keys were taken, the car would be sold and the money from it used for dad's care. Brother immediately stopped talking about taking the keys. Hmmm...no free car, huh?! Sometimes ones motives aren't so hard to see through.

I think all the heirs should get what they are entitled too, nothing more nothing less. They can fight all they want, they will only be getting what is legally left to them.Since it is in the will, you will need to read it. If the poa is a family member and you don't trust them, that might be a problem. i think it's a shame no one wants to help with your parents care, very sad. They are lucky to have you

The non care giving siblings are often the source of many problems. They under estimate the amount of work involved in caregiving. The best solution is to have a trusted professional be the POA. Or the POA has to be the caregiver but that will often lead to problems.

Should you really be surprised? It's called greed and we are all guilty of it to a degree, some a lot more than others. Some people have religious or humanistic values; others seem to live in a spiritual vacuum that allows them to be indifferent or selfish. Even religious people sometimes just go through the motions of their faith, ignoring basics like looking after the welfare of others.

I have noticed and I have experienced that when you are fed up with siblings for well-proven and legitimate reasons - such as their being a bunch of useless clueless cretins who do nothing but undermine and obstruct your efforts - it is only too easy for your angry and hurt feelings about *that* to spread all over your assessment of their entire character, history and motives. Be careful.

I wouldn't go so far as to say my brothers don't care about the money but for the most part it seemed to be understood that it was my mothers money to spend on the best level of care that she could afford - which in turn pretty much kept her out of their hair. I guess it looked like a bargain to them.

My family is a bit strange. No one cares about the money. My brothers aren't involved with the caregiving, but they also don't care about the money. I know there won't be any squabbling over any money that might be left over. I know them that well. It will take some time to get things probated, but that will be the only problem. My only concern is that the executor brother won't be up to the task and will drag his feet. That will put me in an awkward position, since I won't be able to move on completely until things are settled.

I have one word for them: Vultures.

This seems to be the case much of the time. The squabble at the passing of the parents occurs in families that you would never suspect too. I'm not sure what it is. It happens way too often and even with good people who seem to be normal. I fully expect it to happen with my family. It did with the grandparents, so, I expect it. I'm prepared though.

If the siblings are helping with the senior parents and sharing responsibilities, it's a a great thing and I would consider myself blessed. I'm not sure if the thought just doesn't enter their mind or if it enters their mind and they push it out. lol Either way, I don't count on it. If it happens fine, but, I've learned to just depend on myself and I then handle it, delegate it to a responsible person or pay to have it done. No waiting on others. lol

I will say that adult kids shouldn't have to revolve their lives around the care of an ailing senior parent. That's not fair, nor do I expect that, but an occasional thing would nice.