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First off let me add I'm not a caretaker I help out because I live with her and no other sibling will deal with my mother who seems to be a narcissistic being and could possibly have memory loss or dementia? Don't know because her doctor seems not to care as well as my mom. Well my mom is 73 years old has diabetes water in the lungs plus heart problems as well as mental issues. Refuses to walk which enabled her walking ability so now she uses a scooter everywhere or a wheelchair. She refuses to take a shower or wash or cook for herself. Grant you it's hard for her but mom is capable of doing it. She has been lazy her whole life and had her kids doing serving her as servants my father had to have two jobs because she was lazy plus she verbally abused and physically abused her kids so their is a lot of resentment. How do I deal with a person who says I deserved to be molested as a child and how I needed to be hit? Even to this day I can't do anything right , she complains about the way I cook, clean talk everything plus she has stated how she is going to get me into trouble by telling the doctor I'm mean to her ?? Won't lie i have yelled at her but she mainly makes me cry. Today she insisted on going to go get a pie and it was late . I told her not to because she was eating to much junk food as it is but she went anyways and then I got a call from her that she fell and the ambulance would take her to the hospital. My fear is she out to get me.

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FedUp, to be blunt, how are you planning to support yourself once your mother is no longer with us? The sooner you come up with some ideas about that, the better.

Your mother is diabetic, overweight, has heart disease and inhibited breathing (because her failing heart means that her lung tissue is full of fluid and can't take up oxygen as well as it should). She does nothing to help herself or improve her own health. Before long, she will have a heart attack or a stroke. Meanwhile, because her brain is deprived of oxygen, she is at risk of TIA's (I'll lay a pound to a penny that that's what caused her to fall) and will be developing vascular dementia.

You may feel bad about your mother's poor health and your inability to persuade her to take better care of it. But your fear that others will blame you is not based in reality. It is part of the FOG - the sense of Fear, Obligation and Guilt - that your mother has enveloped you in since birth. In the real world, in the world outside your mother's bubble, you are not responsible for the choices and behaviour of another adult.

So, again to be blunt, your mother is at this point the least of your worries. There is nothing you can do that will be helpful to her.

Where to live, how to support yourself, and the best possible arrangements for your beloved pets - focus on their wellbeing, and you will feel better about it if you are forced to part with them - these are the things you should be working on.
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She's in the hospital? That's actually very good.

You need to talk to the doctor in charge of her care about her behavior and memory loss.. she should have a psychiatric evaluation while she is there.

If she stays in the hospital for three days, she becomes eligible for 20 days of rehab, paid for by Medicare. Sounds like a couple of weeks of physical therapy could be a good thing for your mom!
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Also, WHY are you living with her? Make a plan to move out, and if you have access to medical care, get yourself a therapist our counselor who can help you start to undo all the damage she's caused.
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" Get you into trouble"? As in claiming abuse?

That should be your signal to get up and leave. You shouldn't be living with, let alone assisting a person with that attitude towards you.
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Work with the hospital on a psychiatric evaluation and placement in rehab that may turn into long term care.

If she goes into care, you will need to find a place to live, won't you? So you need to start organizing this now.

I'm sorry if the pets are an impediment. But right now, you need to save your OWN life.
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The hospital would seem to be the best place for her. While there, doctors can access her physical and mental state, and you can have an ally if she makes any accusations. May I suggest since you have been molested as a child and hit you seek professional counseling to deal with those traumas. Next, find another place to live. You have to take care of yourself first and it sounds like living with your abusive mother is the worst place to live. Get out ASAP.
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Hope this works out! Let us know
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Meant to put thank you me too.
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I was thinking, if you have pet dogs, try to find some dogpeople; in a dogschool or dog groomers, or ask the vet, or a dogwalkingservice... etc...people who see other dogowners all the time, if they know of a place to rent where pets are allowed. Ask them to contact you if they hear anything about a pet-allowing-house. Because I can imagine that you don't want to leave them behind when they feel much more like family then your mother does. Pets always love unconditionally, people don't ...
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Thank me too.
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