My husband had knee replacement surgery on 6/21. He came home yesterday (even though I felt he should have stayed another night). He’s been on the sofa since. He has no upper body strength and cannot stand. He’s too big for me to lift. Our insurance declined in-home therapy and the hospital never got back to us on outpatient therapy. I’m so frustrated that he won’t try. I know it hurts. He was so much in agreement and willing with the PT at the hospital but since he got home he thinks laying around will eventually help him get up and walk. Help!
The exercise are so SIMPLE, but he acts like they’re making him run a marathon 🤦🏽♀️ He’s sleeping like a baby with NO PAIN, but when he sees either the PT or OT, OMG! he says his pain activates. They tell him he needs to move to reduce the pressure on his back because all he does most of the day is sleep. His exercise are like 20 minutes each session, once or twice a week. My dad has stage 4 lung cancer and I think by him laying down the whole day is making his dizziness worse day after day. Good luck to both of us. We only want what’s best for our loved ones.
And I am sorry that you are losing your dad ...
Stage 4 of any terminal illness is an emotional roller coaster... Some people feel happy they are passing away soon, some are scared, frustrated, angry, depressed, in denial... Adding: he may not know how to please you and also manage his pain. Painkillers also affect thinking- make him sleep more.
Your dad probably does feel more pain when awake. Sleep takes brain activity to a deeper level. The pain might manifest as nightmares, though.
Can you let your dad make the last decide on how he wants his last chapter to go?
Enjoy the time you have left together. Ask how he wants you to help him, versus assuming. At stage 4, he might be deciding if he is just ready to let go.
It doesn't matter if to you the exercises seem "simple." If he is exhausted, to him these exercises are overwhelming.
I had surgery last fall. I was told to walk a lot after surgery. Yeah, right! For two months, I was dizzy and light headed just sitting up. I am eight months out now. I still can't walk as far as I did before surgery. I don't have a terminal illness. I am a COVID and vaccine long hauler.
Everyone recovers different. Be your dad's comfort person. Let the doctor, OT and PT be the ones to challenge him more.
Your dad might not care if PT buys him 1-2 months more to live.
In general, if someone terminal or quite elderly is sleeping more and more or sleeping away full days often, it can mean they are getting ready to cross over.
Enjoy quality time with your dad. He may be ready for hospice.
Canada: Each province medical plan can arrange for an Occupational Therapist to visit and assess needs, and help get you required care.
If he is a Vet, Veteran benefits pay for it.
If you have health insurance your doctor can write an insurance request that it is medically necessary.
Once you leave hospital in US, the hospital can't arrange out patient therapy. Call family doctor for medically necessary referral.
Meanwhile, vent your frustrations to a friend or psychologist, not at your husband. It can take MONTHS for anesthesia to work itself out of the body. You could both get support from counseling covered by insurance on how best work together. He probably has a mix of emotions: fear, anxiety, embarrassment he can't fix this faster/ better, feels like he is emasculated and letting you down, angry, frustrated, and flat out needing rest to recover.
Knee replacement recovery bounceback varies depending on person. Everyone is different.
Be his cheerleader, not his disciplinarian. Being the "bad guy" will negatively impact your marriage and sex life.
Let his doctor and PT be the one to challenge him. He needs a soft trusted supportive person.
I hope he is doing better now. I don't know your husband's personality. If he isn't great at sharing feelings, does he have a guy buddy who can get him out for coffee or a beer? If he is depressed, it might give him a place to talk and to cheer up.
Riding his bum will probably get you nowhere - except more frustrated.