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I thought I would get used to it but I am gagging and have totally lost my appetite. I was never a big eater but now my doctor wants to know why I am losing weight when I can’t afford to lose weight. It’s just gross to me. Why is this happening because I am a mom and changed a bazillion diapers?

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Worried: Oh, no! I'd fail.
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I don't know why the commode, and this solution may not work for you. Oh, I used to work where occasionally something was dead and smelly, Vicks helped me a lot, so did breathing through the mouth. I preferred Vicks.

A porta pottie might work for you. There are several brands of Porta Potties out there. Look into it. They have a fresh water tank on top for flushing and a holding tank on the bottom for the "black water"and a sealed ring between to prevent odors. The user can flush the "toilet" with a lever usually in the front of the pottie. On most of them, you push the lever down to flush and up to add water to the bowl. You purchase a product that reduces and eliminates smell and add this to the holding tank with a little bit of water. We use this product in our RV to eliminate odors. One model even has a toilet paper roll holder. You do need to use special toilet paper if you deposit the paper in the holding tank. I only flush #2 paper, #1 paper I put in a plastic bag. You can get the deodorizer and toilet paper at Camping World or on-line.

When you need to empty it, you just disconnect the bottom or holding tank, take it to a toilet, open the drain and pour into the toilet. Your hands never touch the "product". The chemical you put in really helps control the odor. If the person only uses it at night you could go several days without emptying it, and maybe you could get someone else to do it. We used one in our sailboat because the regular toilet and the boat's holding tank would smell awful. (I think there was a problem with venting but we couldn't find it). I have also used them when we had a camping trailer. Oh, I just ran out to the RV and the product we have now is called Aqua Kem. Other deodorizers are just as good, we just happened to pick this brand up.

The one problem, a stand might have to be made to raise the pottie high enough for a disabled person. If diarrhea is involved, I would have a pitcher of water to help flush the solid matter down.

I hope I have explained this well. I feel I am leaving something out. My heart goes out to you.
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You've gotten 35 great responses, about 28 of which suggested Vicks. But, if you're in a hurry, like I always am when emptying my Mom's commode, I hold my breath until I get to the bathroom (where she can't see me) to dump it in the toilet, then grab a towel and hold it up to my face so I can inhale the towel smell instead.
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Be liberal with the Vicks. And I do mean liberal. I learned from anatomy and physiology classes in labs. And I was allergic to formaldehyde.

And I still made an A. * struts*
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There is a difference between adult & infant smells because they are on different diets - there are drops you can buy that hide the smell if there is some water in it first - check with your druggist for help
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I don’t have a solution, but empathy. I lost 8 pounds when I took care of my mother and it was very likely for this very same reason. I had to duck into her hedges on several mornings with the poor garden hose.

Look, this is not easy. As much as I tried to preserve my mother’s dignity through it I am a human being who will freely admit that I cannot do what I cannot do.

Be sensitive and compassionate to yourself and who you are in charge of. It is not an easy time for either of you. I don’t know how my family did it, and I come from a long line of people who could change a baby’s diaper with one hand and eat a sandwich at the same time with the other. Seriously. The Iron Stomach gene skips some of us. Close your eyes except when you’re emptying it, and I second the Vicks under the nose suggestion.

You’re not alone.
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We use a 4 gallon Glad bag. Fits Bed Side Commode perfectly!
Watertight and easy to tie the knot in top or use the twist tie that comes with them.
Comes in a box 20-40 count. At BJ's one can get a sleeve of 6 boxes.
Hoped this helps!
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Smell depends on diet. Processed and foods with meat smell much worse than fruit and veggie meals.

Poop after eating oranges and grapes have hardly any smell


Decomposition smell 10 times worse then poop smell esp in heat
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Beatty May 2019
Come to my sister's... will not eat fruit or veg (unless hidden in frozen meal). Eats white bread, takeaway, processed. BM only 3 days or so.

Mobility problems meant nighttime commode was in use.

Now mobility worse, just stays in bed - wet wet wet clothing, pad & quilted incontinence bed protector.

BUT our compost bin out back with last weeks uneaten oranges in the sun STANK so RANCID!!

But I think I'd take the oranges.....
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I actually heard of the Vicks trick AFTER my mom had died. Glad to pass it along.
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I learned it in college-in human anatomy when we had to dissect a cat
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I second the Vicks. It works.
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Trick - Put Vicks Vapo Rub under your nose.
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This is so sad.
God bless all of you who continue to do this day in and day out for your loved ones.
I can only imagine how embarrassing it must be for the person needing this level of care.
I sincerely hope that when your time comes, some kind soul will be there to help you, too. ❤️
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shad250 May 2019
Its a body function
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As an EMT for 26 years, I absolutely recommend the Vick’s! We carried it on all of our ambulances for runs that challenged our sense of smell (to put it nicely). You have to put it on thick though and inside each nostril. But it works 100% of the time.

Now, to get over the “ick” factor :(
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shad250 May 2019
What ick? Vomit can smell much worse.
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If you can't light candles... lighting a match helps with the smell. Sometimes I light 2 or 3 matches, but it works.
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shad250 May 2019
Lol
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Laugh
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FWIW, our mother raised 3 of us, but would complain about changing my daughter's diapers if/when she was watching her for me! Same deal, gagging all the way!

Changing a baby diaper would, for me, be no comparison to dealing with cleaning up after an adult! Thankfully mom is in MC, so I won't have to deal with this! Cleaning up kitty doots is more than enough for me! Most are not a big deal, but I have one who could clear a large arena!!!

Some caveats:

1) If you use bleach DO NOT use vinegar or vice vera. I did once on toddler pull-up panty and the odor was noxious. The idea was to use the bleach to help whiten it (hard well water) AND the vinegar to kill the urine odor. It was not until years later I found out what it was: chlorine gas! Of all places, it was in the paperwork that came with a Corelle teapot. It said never mix household chemicals, ESPECIALLY chlorine and vinegar. Duh, I wouldn't mix chemicals, but who would've thunk vinegar is a chemical!!!

2) If you use kitty litter, be sure it is a flushable (unless trashing it.) I use World's Best for my cats and although it indicates it is flushable, I won't because I have so many cats AND a private septic tank! Even with public sewage, I would be concerned about my own plumbing, before it gets out of the house!

3) The glove suggestion is a good one. No matter how well we might wash up, gloves first THEN wash up would be better. They are not expensive.

4) Beware tossing bagged poo - I have not found a definitive answer, but this may be considered illegal. Interesting that our transfer station instructions say to put kitty litter in the construction debris bin, NOT the trash bin. The kitty litter I use is corn based, so I pitch it into my woods (spread around, not in one place. It biodegrades quickly - bugs get the rest!)

Even double bagged, the way trash pick is done, I would be concerned for the trash people. Bags can rip and being crushed in the truck they can rupture.... I wouldn't want to be a trash person with all that might be in some people's trash!
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I always had a air freshener handy and sprayed that before opening it - or going into the room. Keep freshener 'things' near the area (gel like in a container) or anything in solid form as a back-up. Bag liners. What a smart idea. I believe you can buy something (solid freshener) to sit in the tiolet. Google and see what's available.

Make banana ICE CREAM milk shakes or somehow get more calories in - and be sure to get some healthy ingredients. If you don't make smoothies or have a bullet (they are amazing), go to the health food store and get a one, often., if not daily.
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I had to empty my dad's commode for 5 years. I used a large trash bag around the receptacle so I could just gather the corners and take out to garbage.The liners never fit and were too expensive. I also used a dollop of Vicks Vapo rub under my nose. It really helped! Adult feces is much worse than a child's. Work quickly and if it gets too bad, buy a surgical mask on Amazon. You can put the Vicks inside the mask. I also lit candles during the process and let burn for 20 minutes after. A can of odor Neutralizer helps-just spray a bit afterward. Thinking of you and good luck!
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Well, first, I don't see that you've mentioned WHY a bedside commode - - maybe your 'charge' is not in any way ambulatory ??? I'm wondering if it's feasible to place a commode over the toilet, in the case where higher seating and handles to help stand are what the need is ???

But if the bedside commode is a requirement, pan liners, definitely GLOVES (!!!) and either Vicks, Mentholatum or Tiger Balm directly under the nose should all be employed.

However after many childhood diapers, lion-sized litter boxes for 17 indoor cats, and 28 years of caretaking for 3 adult dementia family members, I see what's missing from what anyone has mentioned here is BREATHE THRU YOUR MOUTH as you are doing the emptying !!! My mother taught me that when I was a child - - certainly never knowing that I would need it ALL my life, and especially when caretaking her at the end of hers.
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Are you using the "bag liners?" If not, get some ASAP. They really help when all you have to do is close the bag and dump it. Double them up if necessary.
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Thankfully, I haven't had to do that, but changing our own children's diapers will never be comparable in any way to handling another 'adult's' poop or pee. But, just the smell of my 85 year old MIL's urine after she has just walked out of the bathroom and flushed the toilet is enough to gag me. But I have found using those rigid "cone" shaped mask's (or doubling the thin mask's) and just dabbing some Listerine on the inside of it with a tissue helps tremendously with cleaning the cat box, or my MIL's toilet, even when doing "her" laundry and bed sheets! Without a mask, even if I hold my breath, I somehow feel I am inhaling her "matter" and dried skin cells. That might sound extreme and I KNOW I would never feel that way about smelling 'my own' mother, but my MIL has given me lots of reasons to not want to breath around her. Lol. Best wishes to you! I hope it helps.
EDIT: I just now saw so many others with the same answer!! I guess I'm not the only one to think like I do!
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They have in camping stores and where portapotties are sold a few liquids that help put in a few drops at a time in a bit of water base. Good luck. If the losing weight is about more, about in general this is getting to be too much to handle know that nausea often goes along with anxiety. It is a kind of pit of the stomach thing. Get help for yourself so that you can cope or can accept it is time to see placement.
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As many of the others have said, wear a good fitting mask and put a dab of Vicks on it.  Or, put a drop of essential oil.  You may have to be careful of how much as it can be overwhelming if you put too much.  Also, I find that Eucalyptus or Peppermint are the best essentials oils to combat the odor.
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Here's how I handled the commode thing:

1. Buy a case of 1,000 black "t-shirt" style grocery bags from Amazon (or your local warehouse club, if you're a member). So much cheaper than commode liners.
2. Line the commode bucket with two bags. The first bag will be more or less a permanent liner. The second will be the one you lift out and dispose of after use.
3. Put 1-2 cups of scented kitty litter (the clay type, not clumping) in the bottom of the bucket. Keep a bucket of extra litter nearby.
4. After the commode is used, you can sprinkle additional litter over the soiled litter in the bucket to cut down on odor and cover up the contents. Lift out the top bag only, twist and tie, and discard.
5. Re-line the commode with a fresh bag and kitty litter.

I've always used Vicks under my nose for the stinky stuff (a little trick I learned when I was a veterinary technician and had to deal with abscesses). Popping a mint into your mouth helps, too. I also buy surgical masks for when the smell is really bad.

Vinyl gloves are also available in bulk from Amazon. I use the Curad brand.

I generally don't have a problem with handling Mom's ordinary BMs, except when she has multiple episodes of diarrhea over a few days. That's when it gets to me. Everybody has their breaking point. Once things go back to normal, I'm okay.

The difference between changing a zillion diapers when you have babies and caring for an adult (especially one who is elderly) is this: When you have a baby, you know that potty training will eventually take place, so there's light at the end of that tunnel, while caring for the adult often has no end in sight, and you know it will most likely get worse instead of better.

Hope this helps.
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gdaughter May 2019
Wonder if you couldn't layer 3-4 bags at one time so you wouldn't have to keep replacing as often?
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Wonder if that poo pouri stuff would be of help to anyone...but I don't know how long before use you can apply it to the bowl/how long it will last. I think it has become so popular it was even being sold at Target.
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Janny61 May 2019
You spray PooPourri on the water before you go. It is an scented oil that traps smells under the water. Don't think it would work in this situation. Good thought tho!
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Whoops -- make that 1/2 cup of bleach.
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I put about a gallon (or less) of water, mixed with about 1/2 bleach, in the commode pail. It killed the odor, even when the contents had to sit awhile. When emptying into the toilet, the water helped completely empty with a gentle swirl. I had emptied a "dry" pail once and it almost bowled me over. With the sewage sitting in the bleach water, the smell was contained.
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Gloves, vicks under the nose, and bags or a touch of lysol in a little bit of water in the commode. I had to put myself on autopilot and just work through it.
My situation went beyond a commode eventually. I had to be brave and approach this all like a nurse would, (developed a huge respect for nurses). My mom became bedridden on hospice, with a urinary catheter and a stage 4 bedsore she developed in a 5 star Medicare rating nursing home for rehab,(this is why I took her home on hospice). I got the sore to heal somewhat with protein in her diet. She had constant urinary infections. My early morning consisted of emptying the bag of bloody urine and then cleaning her up and changing her briefs. She had frequent diarrhea from radiation burns from abdominal cancer treatment years ago. I had to make sure fecal matter did not get into the bedsore. I had to treat the bedsore. I did have great support and training from hospice nurses. My respect for nurses and what they see and do each day got me though helping my poor mom until she found her peace.
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Even though Mom's attached bath is just a half bath, I installed a fan normally used for a much larger bath. Turning the fan on reduces the smell level considerably in both the bath and the bedroom quickly. Some days I turn the fan in hall/family bath on too for a few minutes. I also place a capful of pine-sol and an inch of water in the pail.

The exhaust fan makes so much of a difference that I would recommend installing one in a bedroom if a bedside commode is going to be used there for any length of time. If you do not want to do a traditional installation in the ceiling, you may consider mounting the fan (and the wall switch) to a wooden framed box you can place in a window. Interior side of the box has the fan, switch and power cord, exterior side has the vent flapper cover; we used a stain on the interior side to match the window casings and paint to match the white window exterior so the "box" wasn't very noticeable. You can add insulation to the interior of the box to reduce heat/cooling loss; we used a can of the spray foam. The foam also reduces the noise factor as it helps reduce/absorb vibrations when the fan is running. Without some kind of insulation the box interior would become a sound box amplifying the normal fan noise.
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When using bedside commodes it can be much easier by buying the disposable bags for them. I use one everyday in my work, very easy. They come with a sanitizer in the. This also soakes up the urine. I dump after a bowel movement. You tie it together like a trash bag. I get one full day with one.
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