Any suggestions for mother in NH who seems to have forgotten how to ask for help?

Hi. Since your mother cannot verbalize her needs it's up to you to take notice since you know her best and communicate with the cna's and nurse. My experience has been similar. I visited often, called and spoke to the nursing team in person or on the phone. Sometimes I had to make unplanned visits because my family member was lonely or was experiencing anxiety and needed comfort a staff member could not provide. Calling the nurse's station is a great idea because they can update you and let you know if she is okay and then you can determine what to do next. A lot of times the cna's distracted and rerouted her attention and the anxiety subsided. My family member hardly spoke either and I had to look her over and take notes. This is especially necessary when you notice they are not feeling well and may need hospital stay. Runny nose, labored breathing and confusion get overlooked if vital signs are good and the resident cannot discuss how they feel. My family member had to be hospitalized due to labored breathing that went overlooked.

SplitSecond: Perhaps using a remote or a call bell is associated with short term memory, which unfortunately is non existent for her. Quite possibly, her care plan needs to be reevaluated.

Perhaps she can still call you because she has used a phone years before she ever had to use a call button? My husband now can not always tell the difference between the simple six button TV remote and the one lever remote for his lift chair. It is sad to see them losing the ability to use what we consider simple helps as the dementia progresses.

A hand bell serves about the same purpose as a call button: nothing. An elder with advanced dementia is NOT going to remember to use either one. But using a phone is part of her long term muscle memory, and why she can call you. No matter what instructions you give her, they're unlikely to register for any length of time at all.

Which is why the care plan HAS to include getting her up, dressed, and OUT of her room every morning where the staff can see her. Then she has a cue to ask for help and/or the staff ask HER every 2 hours about going to the bathroom. If shes toileted every 2 hours while wearing briefs, that should do the trick.

If OCD and panic set in regularly, ask her PCP about a mild sedative like Ativan .25mgs. That can be VERY useful in getting her off the kick of "having" to use the toilet constantly.

I'd also consider having mom evaluated for hospice if she continues to decline, as she can forget how to swallow at some point. My mother was in the same position as yours is now. Wheelchair bound and insistent on getting on and off the toilet herself bc she thought she could. She fell 95x from thinking she could walk and trying to get up from the wheelchair, toilet or bed. She fell 45x while living in Memory Care, and 50x while living in regular AL due to sheer stubbornness. I couldn't afford to hire her a companion, nor do I think she wanted one. Being that the girls got her up and dressed, cleaned up and wheeled into the activity room every day, that gave her plenty of others to canoodle with AND caregivers in constant view to see to her needs.

Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation

Perhaps it's time to hire a nursing assistant just to take care of mom and her needs or move mom to a better nursing home. Mom is only guilty of getting old, she needs help, not resentful caretaking. Perhaps mom can relax with a companion.

Most people with dementia obsess about something. That may be why your mom seems to have to go so often. I think if you were able to visit daily you might see that she is not neglected, just imagines she is. Try to drop in at different times to get a feel for the attention she is getting or is not.

Your Mom is one of many individuals there with her own way of "being" now, and her own needs. Nursing homes and other facilities all have care plans, and it is truly important that you have a meeting initially to discuss what you know of Moms needs and behaviors. I suggest you get in touch with the nursing staff and discuss this with them, and try to arrange a meeting. If you need to go to administation and ask them how to work together with them on a care plan for your Mom. I sure wish you the best of luck.

You need to talk to the DON and see what can be done. I agree, she is in a diaper. Please remember that what people with Dementia say is not always the case. A nurse could be checking on her every so often. Why is she not kept in the common area. My Mom was and she was in a wheelchair. I did not want her left alone in her room. Even if she could not participate in activities, she enjoyed watching others.

From your description I'm 99% sure that she is wearing an incontinence brief and is toileted seldom if at all. You hear a lot of complaints about the nursing homes that crowd everyone together near the nurse's station but the reality is that this is how staff can keep an eye on everyone when they can no longer advocate for themselves, leaving those who are severely physically and/or cognitively impaired in the privacy of their own rooms means nobody puts eyes on them between scheduled checks, it's a trade off.