Follow
Share

I can’t do it anymore. We are both 75. He needs help dressing, would only eat ice cream, and can be very nasty. When frustrated, he throws things, though not at me yet.

Find Care & Housing
The director where he’s moving should be able to help with ideas on getting hubby there. Fully agree with Geaton’s advice on a medication to calm the behaviors, it would be a kindness to him. You’re wise to be considering the needs of you both.
Helpful Answer (14)
Reply to Daughterof1930
Report

Speak with the ALF which may help with transport, but if hubby is this out of control ALF may not be the answer and a move may be required to memory care. At the point you would require ambulance to get him to new living quarters it has gone beyond a voluntary ALF where you have to be somewhat competent and self-caring. I wish you good luck, but before this move I hope an assessment has been done by yourself and facility together to evaluate the appropriateness of this transfer.
Helpful Answer (10)
Reply to AlvaDeer
Report

This is what my friend did with his mother-in-law: he took her on a day outing, including lunch and some activity. While they were out he had set up for movers to move her furniture into the facility and set up as close to her previous set up at her home. So when they came to the facility to at the end of the day he referred to the facility as HOME and he said it was smooth transition. As she got worse in her ALZ she did try to escape and did say that the facility was not her home but that is expected with ALZ.
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to Ohwow323
Report

And please come back and update us with what you did and how it worked out. The future people who come here with this same situation need to know what worked. Thanks so much and good luck.
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to Bulldog54321
Report

You hire people to move some of his furniture while you are out with hubby into the AL so that it looks and feels familiar.

Don’t try to move him in the morning.

Then you take him out for a long day of this and that— go to lunch, the park, take a walk, go visit a friend or run errands, grab a quick dinner. In other words, wear him out. (Probably wear yourself out also).

Then you bring him “home” to the AL.

Now, IDK much about AL so I guess it’s possible he won’t get out of the car or will call an uber and go home? Think it out.

I sort of think AL is a misstep and he might need to be in a locked ward.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to Bulldog54321
Report
Learning25 Jun 25, 2025
That is a good idea. He is being evaluated tomorrow to see if he should be in AL or MC. He is on meds for anxiety as needed but I sometimes think I wait too long to give him them. Am checking with doctor to see if I should just regularly give them to him but most days he is fine.
Thank you. Will post again when decision is made
(6)
Report
See 1 more reply
Medical transport through insurance or out of pocket!
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Bohac2
Report

Personal opinion here first of all.
A person with dementia should be in Memory Care not Assisted Living.
Purely for safety reasons. Memory Care is typically locked. Assisted Living a person can come and go UNSUPERVISED as they wish.

The facility that he will be going to can transport him.
Most will have a bus, car or van that they use to transport residents on various outings or to medical appointments.
OR
Search your area for a "medical transport" they will have anything from a car, van or ambulance to that can be used to transport him.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Grandma1954
Report
cover9339 Jun 28, 2025
Possibly, ones in my area they actually do contract this service out to other companies. The facility does not have a van for this purpose only. Again, it's a liability issue, also business for these companies to make a few bucks.
(0)
Report
Im curious, why do the ALF and MC facilities you choose not send a free transport van from their facility to your home to pick up the new resident and help the family out? They are so eager for you to choose their facility, why don’t they offer a safe and easy transportation for the family? This might be a big selling point for the family. one less thing for them to have to arrange. Why not?
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Beethoven13
Report
cover9339 Jun 27, 2025
They probably don't have any and would rather contract that service out, to save them from liability.
(2)
Report
See 1 more reply
Learning25: Use a medical transport service.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Llamalover47
Report

Any updates @learning25?
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to GenXsandwich
Report

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter