I am new to this forum and seeking advice in how to move forward in my relationship with my fiancé. Right now, he is the caregiver of his 96 year old grandmother, 60 year old father with mental health issues, and 60 year old uncle that also has severe mental health issues. His grandmother, father and uncle live together, however my fiancé cares for the house they live in (general upkeep, lawn care, cleaning) and checks in every other day or so to make sure everyone is "OK". Fiance lives with me and my two children (ages 8 and 10 from previous marriage), I have no family nearby and zero help with my kids etc. We both work full time jobs and I am the breadwinner of the home.
When we first met and for the first few years of his relationship, he would stop in to see his family and help out but it wasn't a focus on our entire relationship and everything that we do. He was able to balance both. In the past year, his grandmother had several hospital stays and has required more. He has had to take off work several times to take her to doctors appointments during the day, does not get paid when this happens. I had to pick up the slack when he is taking off work and not getting paid which puts more financial pressure on me and our family. His grandmother treats his father and uncle like children and although they both have mental health issues, I do believe they could do more around the house so that my fiancé didn't need to come over and clean, do the yard work and have this huge responsibility when he is newly engaged trying to have a family of his own. I feel his family puts a lot of onto him and does not view him as a man with a family but one that is still single without outside responsibilities himself.
My fiancé is overworked, stressed and it has completely changed the relationship that we have. I do not have extra time to help with my job and young children at home and my own responsibilities. His grandmother refuses to go to a nursing home. It seems like this current situation is non-sustainable with how stressed out my fiancé is and his inability to be fully present with my children now. We have put our wedding plans on hold since the sole focus has been on his family and their needs and he is so upset and stressed from it all. He tells me he feels very guilty if he is not helping out his grandmother all the time since his dad isn't doing it. I feel like he is taking out his guilt and stressed out on me and when he has responsibilities within our house. Not sure what the answer is? I love this man but it doesn't feel like an end is in sight. I am stressed, tired and resentful since I feel I am holding too much of the financial burden and have two kids myself to support. Thanks.
A blind person could see that your fiancé's first priority is not you. Why is he living with you and your kids?! He's getting all the benefits of being supported by you while not earning a living himself! Why do you have to support him financially? He's taking money that should be for your kids. You've basically signed on to raise a third son here.
He is either a pushover or just doesn't care enough about you and your kids to place you first. Or actually make the commitment of marrying you. Then your kids get to have yet another man walk out on them.
He needs to move in with his family and stop pretending he's part of yours.