So.. my boyfriend M(34) and I F(30) are taking care of his dad M(69). Since January of 2021 my boyfriend's dad Dennis has been in and out of the hospital. He goes in and refuses help, he is mean to the nurses, rude, and complains about going home. He has been going in for acute kidney failure. He has had a surgery on his foot due to his inflammation, he got sent to a rehab facility where he was staying in until he could walk. He got himself kicked out for not doing his PT, for being rude, for constantly bantering about beer. He is an alcoholic, he now is home living by himself. He refuses to leave his home but has fallen everyday he had been home. We can't get him up sometimes but he fights with us about calling the ambulance. We find him on the floor soiled so my boyfriend cleans him up and begs him to get help but he refuses. Since he can't drink his beer her doesn't want it. Also he also abuses pills.. we are at our witts end. We don't know what to do. He doesn't want to make his only son his power of attorney. So we are all he has. If someone could give me some pointers because we are broken, dumbfounded, angry, frustrated. He is consuming out lives and I'm afraid for my relationship with his son will take the brunt of all this.. thanks in advanced.
You've gotten some good advice here. Hopefully, your b/f will take it, and then get himself (and you) off to some Al Anon meetings so you can learn how to take care of YOURSELVES while he goes about killing HIMSELF.
Good luck.
Your BF doesn't know how to make a healthy boundary for dealing with his father because he probably was always like this. BF might also have a dysfunctional co-dependent relationship with him. He should see a therapist. If he can't detach himself from his very sick father then I would give second thoughts to aiding him in this. I'm very sorry he thinks this is his mess to clean up. He needs to understand that you can't have someone's recovery for them -- they have to want it. It's the only way it ever happens. BF is not responsible for his father's "happiness".
You all are allowed to say that you will only help on your own terms.
The next time he calls, call 911. Let that become a habit.