Guilt over traveling. Any tips?

Maria, during each of the 4.5 years that my mom was in a pretty good nursing home, my husband and I took vacations when we could. We went to Paris, Florence, Minnesota and Maine. Had lots of good stuff to show/tell mom when we got back.

Guilt is a very useless and draining emotion. Don't play its game.

Enjoy yourself and come home revived!

You are no good to anyone if you can't be good to yourself sometimes.

Drowning out the guilt in some of Italy's famous vineyards?

Quit the guilt trip and put your husband first for ten days. He needs this time with you. Your father had his time. You need to realize there are no do overs in life. You won’t get this time with your husband back. Just go on that vacation. You will be glad you did.

Everyone's situation is different. But, we've decided not to put our lives on hold for my mother, who is suffering from dementia and is in a nursing home. She has always been incredibly self-centered and tries to guild-trip me (only child) into "taking care of her." I DO handle all of her financial and medical affairs and visit her often when we are in town. I also pay a caregiver to be my eyes and ears when I am not around. But, she won't be living with us, and we travel full-time in our RV now. We are in our 50s and have seen what happens with advanced age. Honestly, you need to get out there and live life while you still can.

The question I often ask myself when I’m dealing with these guilt issues is this- “ Will I want MY children to give up their lives for me, and in this case, not travel, when I am old?”

So I care for my parents and am there for them like I hope my children will be there for me when the time comes, but I don’t put my life totally on hold for dad and mom.

Do not feel guilty about leaving for 10 days, as you need this time. Have a nice vacation, and send pictures to your dad!

Mariavictoria30: Go on your vacation. My DH and I made the mistake of NOT taking important number (anniversary and the like) vacations because 'Oh, my! What if my mother takes a turn for the worse/is ill?' Now we're too old to take those missed vacations.

My late husband and I put off many things to care for my MIL (when she lived with us for 16 months at the beginning of her dementia) and then for 2-1/2 years while she was in a nearby memory care. She lived to be 95-1/2 and collapsed/lost consciousness while my husband was visiting her one day at lunchtime. She subsequently died that afternoon.

He dropped dead (literally) 7 months and 12 days later. That was 3 1/2 years ago. I was left with many, many tasks that were put off...and travel plans we had that I will likely never pursue.

Do not wait to enjoy your own lives!

Learn to trust the people at the nursing home and enjoy the vacation.

Something my dad told me early last year: "You gotta live."