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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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I moved my mother to memory care several years ago. It was really assisted living, but we had full-time caregivers in her apartment with her (one daytime and one overnight). Of course I stayed for most of the first day and visited for much of the next two days. The whole time, she was packed and ready to “go home.” it was heartbreaking, and even more so every time I left her.
After that, the director suggested that I not visit for the first two weeks. They said we do this every day, we know what we are doing, and you can trust us. That was extremely difficult, but I did it, and of course, was texting constantly with the caregivers and speaking with the staff a couple of times a day. As difficult as it was for me, I believe that helped a lot for her to settle in and not see me as her rescuer. When I did visit when the two weeks were up, she was thrilled to see me in what she now thought of as her new home.
Her wanting to “go home” took a long time to subside, many months. She packed her things nearly every day. But she did settle eventually and came to enjoy the routines and activities (especially the “happy hour” each evening in the main living room with a piano player and singer).
Every situation is different, but if you feel that you can trust the staff—and she is safe—you might want to consider this approach. Depending on how far along your mom‘s dementia is, I’ll bet it will be a lot harder for you in that waiting period than her.
Do what you feel is best. If she reacts poorly to your visit, see her from a distance without her seeing you for a bit. That way you can check on her, see that she’s being cared for, ask the staff about any concerns or needs, and not upset her. It also shows the staff by your presence that mom is a person who's valued and cared for. I’m sorry you’re in this sad time with her and wish you both peace
It depends on the person. With my mom, short, more frequent visits work better. She enjoys getting visited but doesn't get tired out by trying to "entertain". Even in late dementia, she still tries to offer us food and drink.
It shows the staff that someone cares for her and is keeping an eye on things, yet the visits are short enough that they don't interfere with the daily routine of MC meals, activities, and personal care.
Generally, if family is there for long periods practically every day, the person is less likely to bond with staff and other residents.
It is important to visit so you really know what kind of care she is receiving. My experience with the place I choose for my mother turned out to be very awful and she only stayed there two month (at $5000. per month). I found here lying in her own pee saturated bed, being fed meals that were terrible, e.g. tough as leather pork for people who for the most part have trouble chewing, unexplained bruising on the back of her legs, no activities as advertised- instead parking the residents in front of the tv which was always on CNN! So some may say don't visit so she has time to adjust but I say you absolutely must visit to know the reality of the place. Hope and pray that it is a good one for your mom!
I agree. The place my sister is in is about what you described. Maybe not as bad, but the activities are parking people in front of a tv, or the director making some cookie dough and letting the people stir it. That is the total of the activities that I have observed. Bingo where the nurses are putting the numbers on the cards and people are just sitting there, No discussion and no talking hardly at all with the residents. The food isn't too bad, but they don't offer any drinks except water and some watered down lemonade or a sugary juice. They insisted on her not having a phone but instead suggested she could GET calls on their staff phone, so because she is unable to remember numbers, her calls are limited only to calls FROM people. Finally got the family on board to hook up her landline phone that is captioning phone so she could call the family and friends that are stored in that phone. Also, family in our case is the issue because they don't want her to ever leave memory care. They think something bad might happen to her if others take her out, including her own family. This has been detrimental to my sister because she is so social and can dress, feed and bathe herself and is NOT incontinent. Not sure why the other family members wanted to put her in memory care.
You say mom moved to a "new" MC facility. Has she been in a facility previously and is just moving to another or has she been at home and is moving to a new facility? If she has been in a facility previously she may adjust pretty well. If she has been in your home, or hers it may take a bit of time to adjust. The idea beihnd "not visiting" is so that she begins to rely on staff rather than you. If you do visit you might want to make the visit short. (Or even visit from afar, peek in on her during lunch or an activity time.) If you do visit her if she needs help get the staff to help her rather than you. You know your mom if she relies on you a lot let the staff handle things.
this is truly hard. You definitely want the staff to know she has family who loves her.. do show up, bring in supplies for mom, and treats for the staff, from your favorite bakery or Costco.. if you're allowed. My brother was placed in one. And the staff thought he was abandoned, no family ever stepped in... I brought in some pictures and things to place on the wall.. his aide broke down snd cried when she found out he had family. it's so important for the facility to know she is loved by family.., It's hard, let the manager and staff guide you on her process and progression. Lean on them for advice and how to approach mom. 🙏
I don't think many people are understanding your question. I believe you're asking if you should give her a little time without you as a crutch so that she can adjust to being there before you start visiting. Unfortunately, I'm caring for my wife at home, so I don't have experience with your situation yet. I'm anxious to know the responses to what I think you're asking. I think the nurses and administrators would be able to answer that. You're probably already past the point where this is pertinent, though.
When my father had to be placed, the facility recommended we not visit for a week or two as I recall to give him a chance to get acclimated. After that, we could visit as often as we wanted.
Recommend visiting her. See how she acclimates to a new environment. Many people with dementia still struggle with changes , but at least some kind of familiarity or familiar face can be helpful for them.
I also regularly advocate for visiting people in managed care. My family certainly learned the difference it can make when the staff sees your loved one as a person who’s valued and cared about. However, caring for parents is not a payback. Parents don’t, or definitely shouldn’t, have children in some kind of twisted expectation of care in their old age. Caring comes from a desire to help, it can’t be coerced or forced, then it’s just done out of resentment. I didn’t wipe my babies bottoms so they’d wipe mine. Quite the opposite, I never want or expect such. I raised them to be independent, caring adults. If they choose some form of help, that’s great, but it won’t be all inclusive and it won’t be demanded
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
After that, the director suggested that I not visit for the first two weeks. They said we do this every day, we know what we are doing, and you can trust us. That was extremely difficult, but I did it, and of course, was texting constantly with the caregivers and speaking with the staff a couple of times a day. As difficult as it was for me, I believe that helped a lot for her to settle in and not see me as her rescuer. When I did visit when the two weeks were up, she was thrilled to see me in what she now thought of as her new home.
Her wanting to “go home” took a long time to subside, many months. She packed her things nearly every day. But she did settle eventually and came to enjoy the routines and activities (especially the “happy hour” each evening in the main living room with a piano player and singer).
Every situation is different, but if you feel that you can trust the staff—and she is safe—you might want to consider this approach. Depending on how far along your mom‘s dementia is, I’ll bet it will be a lot harder for you in that waiting period than her.
One day I asked her what my name was. She says her sister's name.
unfortunately I corrected her..
that was the last time she ever spoke..😞. She went mute..
whatever you do, do not correct them. It really doesn't matter..
It shows the staff that someone cares for her and is keeping an eye on things, yet the visits are short enough that they don't interfere with the daily routine of MC meals, activities, and personal care.
Generally, if family is there for long periods practically every day, the person is less likely to bond with staff and other residents.
If she has been in a facility previously she may adjust pretty well. If she has been in your home, or hers it may take a bit of time to adjust.
The idea beihnd "not visiting" is so that she begins to rely on staff rather than you.
If you do visit you might want to make the visit short. (Or even visit from afar, peek in on her during lunch or an activity time.)
If you do visit her if she needs help get the staff to help her rather than you.
You know your mom if she relies on you a lot let the staff handle things.
You definitely want the staff to know she has family who loves her..
do show up, bring in supplies for mom, and treats for the staff, from your favorite bakery or Costco.. if you're allowed.
My brother was placed in one. And the staff thought he was abandoned, no family ever stepped in...
I brought in some pictures and things to place on the wall.. his aide broke down snd cried when she found out he had family.
it's so important for the facility to know she is loved by family..,
It's hard, let the manager and staff guide you on her process and progression. Lean on them for advice and how to approach mom.
🙏