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Emilly Asked November 2019

My sister will not tell me where my father has been placed. Can she do that?

My father had a heart attack three weeks ago and was moved to a skilled nursing g facility. I am flying in tomorrow to see him but my sister wont tell me where he is.


My father has been asking to see me this last year over and over again, and now I am scared I may have waited too long.
I live paycheck to paycheck at this time in my life which has made making the trip to him challenging. My sister doesn't live with the financial shackles as I do and has been there with him for two weeks. He signed the limited POA over to her and I do not know if that means she can keep him from me?
What do I do? I need to see my father and he has been waiting to see me.

elaine1962 Nov 2019
Jada, I’m sorry but your brother is a piece of shit. I feel so bad for you Jada!!! When it’s your own brother??? That really sucks!!!
Jada824 Nov 2019
Elaine1962,
My brother is worse than a piece of shit.......he is depriving my family of seeing my mom in the last years of her life & she is being controlled by him.

There should be laws protecting the elderly from this type of emotional & financial abuse but as long as they see that she is now safe they won’t do anything else.

To think that we were once close & now it has torn our family apart! My Dad would be appalled if he were alive to see what he has done. It’s all from greed & spite!

Hugs to all who have to deal with this type of sibling!
elaine1962 Nov 2019
I have POA for my mother. I can take care of all of her financial affairs. The POA will NOT authorize me to make medical decisions on her behalf, that is called a health care proxy. A POA does not have any POWER to keep anybody away from anybody!!!! Your sister is mean!!! Find a way to see your father.

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Jada824 Nov 2019
NHWM,
thank you for caring. I’ve been told to just let it go & forget about it but I can’t. I know you’re in a similar situation so you know how I feel. Hugs! 🐼
NeedHelpWithMom Nov 2019
Thanks, Jada

It’s always going to be with us. We learn to cope better but forget it all? Kind of impossible to do.

Yes, I do understand that you are struggling with this. Hugs back.
NeedHelpWithMom Nov 2019
Since when does your sister have to approve of your divorce? Your husband, your marriage, it’s none of her business and what does that have to do with your dad? Is she that spiteful?

So did she expect you to live in misery? You had your reasons for your divorce and you certainly didn’t need her okay to live your life the way you saw fit to.

Your sister is a control freak! I am so sorry she is so hateful! I repeat if your dad wants to see you then he shouldn’t be denied. If you want to see your father, you should be able to. She’s cruel and ridiculous. I’m sorry she is hurting both of you in this way.

Easy for people to say, “Get an attorney.” Unless they pay for it. Where is the money going to come from to hire a lawyer?

Emilly Nov 2019
I went to Colorado to try and find him.

The hospital strong armed me with the hippa laws, the social worker said that I would need an attorney, and no other family members know where he is either.

I came back broke and crushed. I just don't get it, and I am not after any money. My sister never approved of my divorce and we've been estranged since then.

Ill keep trying to find dad and save for an attorney. I realize how important it is to have ourfinal wishes written for our children. If one of my sons kept the other one from me when I'm ill I would be heartbroken.

Thanks for the suggestions, it has helped.

dkentz72 Nov 2019
QUICK ANSWER: GET AN ATTORNEY NOW!

Your sister does not have the right to keep you from your father. She is hiding things such as taking all of daddy's money.

Hopefully, she isn't abusing him, but that's a possibility.

You say she has the POA, get that stopped based on the fact she is hiding him through the Court.

I have an ugly step-beach who is doing EVERYTHING SHE CAN GET MY MOTHER'S MONEY BECAUSE DADDY DOESN'T HAVE ANY.

I am getting an asset divorce for my Mom. EVERYTHING MOM HAS IS SOLE/SEPARATE FROM 2ND MARRIAGE. Beach doesn't care and doesn't like Community Laws.

I have her on so many fraud issues, she really shouldn't be attempting to get spousal support because she (married to an MD) 'doesn't have money'. NO, HIS 4 SPAWN DETEST MY MOM. THEIR FATHER WOULDN'T HAVE ANY THING IF NOT FOR MY MOM!
Nope, don't mess with me when it comes to my Mother.

DO NOT ALLOW YOUR SISTER TO PUSH YOU AROUND.
worriedinCali Nov 2019
You’ve got the quite the imagination there! There’s absolutely no indication the sister is taking dads money or that dad even has any money. Her sister has been there for only 2 weeks. For all we know, this is all the result of 2 siblings who may not be getting along and don’t really speak to each other. There’s no reason to suggest there is fraud going on here.
NeedHelpWithMom Nov 2019
She’s mean! If your dad wants to see you he should be able to. If you want to see him, I wish she wouldn’t try to interfere.

I have horrible brothers so I understand how frustrating it is for you. I’m so sorry.

Jada824 Nov 2019
POA can keep her from seeing her Dad........my brother has been doing this to me for 2 years now. He calls the police & tells them I’m harassing her & they say there’s nothing they can do that it’s a civil matter.
JoAnn29 Nov 2019
Thats right, the police won't step in concerning a family problem. But a POA does not give the assigned person keep people away unless that person causes problems. Have u ever consulted a lawyer.
JoAnn29 Nov 2019
No she can't keep him away from you.

I would call the Discharge dept at the hospital he is in. See if they will tell u where Dad is. They had to send his records to the NH. If they say they can't do it, start calling Nursing homes. I would just ask "John Doe's room please". They will either put u thru or tell u that there is no one there by that name. If u ask if someone is there by that name they won't tell u. Pick the NHs close to Sister first. When u have the info, all u have to do is walk into the facility right into his room. Just act like a visitor. Don't introduce yourself to the nurses in case Sister has tried to block u. Let staff see how much Dad wants to see u. His wishes override the POA.
Jada824 Nov 2019
I have called APS, my senator’s office & spoke with the police about this. They all couldn’t do anything & said I need to hire a lawyer.

One lawyer I went to see wouldn’t even take the case because there would be a lot of litigation since my brother took my mom to a lawyer while she had dementia & got her to assign him as DPOA with unlimited powers & had her change her trust to him only instead of both of us like it originally was.

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