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puffbucket Asked July 2019

What next? Call for a pizza?

I am holed up in my room with a new kitten. Thank heaven she has her litter box, food, a water bowl and I have my bathroom, water and a box of Fig Newtons. At 66 and 30 years marriage to a nasty man who is 86, I have come to this.


I don't want to call the police. You don't do that for emotional abuse. I have no family. He does. Without going into detail, they have nothing to do with me because I married him 30 years ago. That's all. Some people are like that. He was divorced; his , 2nd marriage - she was violent and a drinker - and divorced 10 years when I met him. I never met her and only first saw her picture 2 years ago when she died.


So, I called his son (finally, I did it!) and left a message for him to come and get his father. The son hates me and hasn't responded to the emotional phone call I made nor the email that followed, explaining things.


He and I, when we met, were very attractive and intelligent and funny and sexual and boozers. We both had good high level professional positions. A marriage made in heaven.


Over the years I gave up drinking, he got cancer and became impotent and fully incontinent (20 years ago) and began to drink more. He cut me off. When he lost his ability to have an erection he lost his ability to love. But I have stayed with him because of my marriage vows and the love I had for him.


Anyway, I'm in this room, the loud, lying, cursing, narcissist is downstairs and I hope his son will come and take him to his home.


Yes, I have a therapist, I have a little money, and options. But for now, there is agony, relentless tears and the sense that I have, as they say, been blinded by love, for too long, sacrificing too much, including my self-esteem. A virtuous nun, cook and cleaning lady.


Thank heaven I have a room of my own and a box of FN's. Just ventilating ladies....

Gershun Jul 2019
Puffbucket, I'm sending you good vibes. Arrow prayers my mom used to call them. When you see a person in need you get your spiritual bow and arrow and shoot it in their direction. If you feel a not so unpleasant warm sting that will be my arrow prayer for you.

Please keep yourself warm and loved with that self love that you need. Send is right. Keep buying your self those flowers.

Sendhelp Jul 2019
Happy Birthday Puffbucket!

(Your screen name is so unique, I wanted to use it in a sentence).

Now, there i s nothing whatever the matter with any woman who has already learned to buy her own roses! Good for you!

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Sendhelp Jul 2019
Can you tell us about your new kitten?
How cute is that?

Sendhelp Jul 2019
Yes, Pizza is a good idea right now!

Sendhelp Jul 2019
What do you want on your Tombstone?
rocketjcat Jul 2019
Ha, a good question in multiple ways.
Sendhelp Jul 2019
An emotional call to hs son to come and get his father will yield nothing.
So stop that, in your own best interests.
It can be viewed as nothing more than "drunk dialing", even if you are not drinking.

Now, get dressed, wash your face, go out and get that kitten something special for the 4th of July.
Most restaurants and stores may be closed tomorrow, whether or not you celebrate that holiday in the U.S.
puffbucket Jul 2019
Bless you. Your insight about "drunk dialing" and calling his son proved correct. I'm not sophisticated enough to have realized that. (Especially in the state I was in.) I'll let that sink in.

I got myself two dozen roses for my birthday and came home to hear that my husband's son called him and told him about the call and they both agreed with each other: "We're really worried about you...." So, checkmate.

I'm getting professional advice and both sources say that it's better that I stay and live a separate life like "roommates" (we haven't slept in the same bed for 20 years anyway). The betrayal - predictable as it was for some, shocked me. But in a quiet way. A good way.
AlvaDeer Jul 2019
Why would you call the son who hates you to come take a father he undoubtedly wants nothing to do with. You need to go to an al-anon meeting and see if someone can direct you to places in your community that can help you. If you have access to any of your finances you need to take one half of everything in one fell swoop and get out of there with your kitty. When verbal abuse and drunkeness are this bad physical abuse may not be far behind, and calling in a son on a dad like this may just start it all. So sorry for all you are going through. If you had what you tell us you had, and you saved none of it, or have access to none of it at all, then I am afraid it is you, the kitty, and the room. I am so sorry for all the pain and frustration. If you have been to al-anon in the past, you know the drill. Your choice is to stay or to go. An hour of a lawyer's time seems in order. Wishing you good luck.

Ahmijoy Jul 2019
Do you have your own income? Even Social Security? Is there some reason (other than a love that seems to have fizzled a long time ago and marriage vows that have gone flat) that you can’t put the kitty in a carrier, open the door, take your cookies and walk out? If someone mentions abandonment, tell them you feared for your own safety and had to leave. Send a registered letter to his son detailing your plans and that his father is now his responsibility. File for divorce so you’ll get half the assets. You should not have to suffer. You are worth more to the world than this. You are still young and have many years to enjoy your life. Don’t give up your happiness for this man.

Isthisrealyreal Jul 2019
Hugs! 🤗🤗🤗

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