Caregiver is LOST; What the heck does my mother want and how do I know what's best?

Not knowing her health problems or limitations its hard to answer your question.

You say that her health problems are recent and overwhelming for u both.
I would say Mom is suffering from depression. She may not know what she needs or wants. Call her PCP and tell him how she is. He may prescribe an antidepressant.

Once you find out it deppression, then you can work on getting her up and out.

I read your profile to see if I could gain any in sight into your mom's condition. I am not sure if I can be of any help but at least you know there is someone listening. My mom had Alzheimer's. She was diagnosed in 2009 and passed away in April of this year. Early on my sister and I both cared for her along with our step dad. As the disease progressed I took over 24/7.

I found that it was helpful to have a schedule of things we did. For example on Wednesday she would get her hair done. It was easier to get it shampooed at the salon. Every afternoon at 3 we took a walk. In the mornings, I helped her get dressed at 8 a.m.

Fine things that work and then don't ask, just inform and do. " Good morning Mom, time to get dressed. Here is your tooth brush, brush your teeth" I would brush mine too...the model helped her.

I don't know if any of this will help because your mom has different issues, but I would try it.

Much luck to you.