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Lindydavis Asked May 2018

I live in North Idaho. My sister and mother are in Lakeside CA. My sister is at her breaking point. Any suggestions?

There is no elder abuse but my mother is verbally abusive to my sister. I'm looking for options for a place for my mother to live. She can't afford assisted living, only gets $1400 a month from Soc Sec. The situation is becoming more explosive. Is there a Social Service counselor that can go and speak with both of them? I feel helpless way up here. I would appreciate any help you can give me.

FrazzledMama May 2018
In some places there are AL facilities that accept Medicaid. The local Area Agency on Aging is a good suggestion too.

I would start with social services in their area. A social worker could help guide them through the Medicaid application process, and could let you know what types of Medicaid services your mom would qualify for, and would probably know of other programs she might qualify for as well, individualized to her needs, diagnosis and overall situation.

needtowashhair May 2018
I don't think medicaid is available unless there is a medical need. If it were, then there wouldn't be homeless seniors on the street.

Here's another option. I know it's a big step but it's something to consider. Isn't Lakeside CA very close to the border with Mexico? While $1400/month is not enough to pay for even the cheapest assisted living in the US, $1400/month can pay for a premium place down in Mexico. Many Americans that can't afford it otherwise, take that option. So she can be in a facility full of Americans. If Lakeside is indeed close, your sister can visit everyday if she wants. Plenty of people commute both down to Mexico and up to the US everyday.

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SnoopyLove May 2018
Webbsue, what state are you in? Maybe someone in your state might have info to share. I am so sorry for your situation.

SnoopyLove May 2018
It looks like the Area Agency on Aging for San Diego County is called "Aging and Independence Services". From their page on sandiegocounty.gov:

AIS provides services to older adults, people with disabilities and their family members, to help keep clients safely in their homes, promote healthy and vital living, and publicize positive contributions made by older adults and persons with disabilities.

For more information call 800-510-2020.

Outside San Diego County, call toll-free 800-339-4661.

Also from the website:

The gateway to AIS services is through the agency's Call Center that provides initial assessment and channeling to appropriate services and information. Calls are screened to determine eligibility for AIS programs and/or referred to other appropriate community programs. The Call Center has merged the efforts of information and referral, case management program intake and the elder abuse reporting function, providing AIS the opportunity to implement a "no wrong door" model.

Lindy, hopefully this resource might have information about any other possible housing options for your mom other than living with sister. All the best to you and your family.

Isthisrealyreal May 2018
Check into what ever aid the state has for seniors. I live in AZ and there is a program called ALTCS (Az long term care service) this program will pay if a senior is not able and gets under 2005.00 income monthly. (They do take all of the persons income, other than a small amt for personal use) Maybe it is AZ Medicaid, I don't know as my dad gets 14.00 a month to much to qualify. Contact the local council on aging or a NH social worker for contact information for elderly services.

Help your sister get mom into a facility that can provide proper care. NO ONE deserves to be abused, whether the abuser knows they are doing it or not is completely irrelevant, it is unacceptable and should not be tolerated, all the professionals I have spoken with said whatever the personality was before sickness gets magnified, so I am guessing that your mom was never really kind to your sister and had abusive behaviours in the past, so again, help your sister find a facility. Your mom will receive professional care and your sister can get her life back and be a daughter again. Give her encouragement and support and let her know, NO GUILT, she did her best, now it is time for professional care. She will need you more than ever to get through placing your mom.

HUGS 2 both of you for all you do for your mom.

Ahmijoy May 2018
Have you applied for Medicaid for your mother? Others here are more knowledgeable than I am but there’s something called “Medicaid pending” which I believe means she could be admitted to a facility until she’s accepted.

You or your sister could contact their local area Agency on Aging and ask for help or at least information on where to go for help and whom to ask. If Mom has a proactive doctor, Sis could also ask them.

Webbsue May 2018
I unfortunately have no answer...but i am at my breaking point as well....i am 24/7 caregiver and i can honestly say i HATE the person my mother is ....she is awful...i know , please dont say she cant help it...i already know that and its no help...i am so tired of being called stupid and having her lash out at me daily....i am at a loss

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