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M
middleone62 Asked March 2015

I take care of my Mom (86) and she lives with me. My siblings, two sisters and a brother do not help or support at all! What to do?

They never call to ask how she is, they are not greatful at all that my husband and I have opened up our home to her. She is blind with macular degeneration, and I couldn't even do this without my husbands support. I love doing this for my Mom but I am burnt out and could use a few days or maybe a week of respite. Last time I asked my sister for help 3 years ago, I have not asked since. She told me that I was my Moms favorite and so???? Anyhow she couldnt help me out then, and I am too furious and hurt to ask her again? I am so angry at this whole situation, and I feel it is making me bitter and angry. Now I dont like myself! Any suggestions?

PhoenixDaughter Mar 2015
Could she go into care for a week anythign that will give you a chance of a breather. Perhaps you should call a full family meeting (without your mum) but with a siblings and partners and explain that since you do ALL the care THEY should club together to provide you with 4 weeks respite a year by taking over the duties or pay for your mum to go into care while you rest. Explain that you are at breaking point. They clearly don't understand the pressure of care but perhapos with you and your husband's support mapped out for them they will dig into their pockets to help you now you need it.

BarbBrooklyn Mar 2015
Respite needs to be part of your caregiving contract with mom. If your mom has funds, she should be paying rent and a part of household expenses. Plus something for your hands -on time. And at the very least, a week of respite care (hired, licensed caregivers you bring in) every few months.

If your siblings are not interested in helping, there will be little inheritance when mom is gone.

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