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My mother has been in and out of hospital for about 3 to 4 months does not take care of her herself and also does not eat properly, she is very picky and also has heart problems, she is very difficult to take care of, and I am feeling very stressed out and depressed due to knowing that she might die, please help me?

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Meant to say gone for long periods not home. And when I got off truck she was living with her daughter but she mil told us that her daughter would leave in the morning and wouldn't check in on her to till they come home late at night so she pretty much laid on couch not able to get up the whole time
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Oh ok well just cuz someone's a mommas boy doesn't mean he's not independent my hubby was very successful in life we own n operated trucking biz home for long periods of time but he would call is mom daily had a set time 9p make sure she was doing ok say that he loved her etc and she would check our mail then she needed our help after she fell I got off truck n cared for her so I say I cared for her for about 8yrs I still believe she would still be living if after my hubby passing I had more in home health help but instead had to place her in a nursing home then she started to decline
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Karen, I am not the mommas boy actually my older brother is he is 42 yrs old. I have never liked being mommas boy, I am independent. But my older brother no longer lives in the city moved out, I also have another brother who is guess I would call it the outkast, and I lost one to suicide, ever since my brother commuted suicide my mother got even more ill, I am just helping cuz I am all she has.
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Yeah 25 is young but I can see this being esp hard on you if your a mommas boy such in the case of my hubby was he would do anything for his mom . dhs paid me to look after her we had a set schedule for when she took her meds and we be there to watch her take them check her sugar she would put pills in her mouth show us by opening her mouth then she take em cuz in the past b4 our invovlnent we would find pills under the cushion or on floor that she lost and didn't realize
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Two guys that's awsome, this is usually such a hen house! Apart from the Capt and cmagnum of course. Men make awsome caregivers when they take on the job but I agree 25 is far too young to do this devoted as you may be.
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I see that you mentioned hospice In an earlier post. It's not uncommon for people to be admitted into hospice, get stabilized and leave hospice. It's not necessarily a death warrant. It can provide good care for people with few options. Talk to your doc about it. And hospice can be done at home or in a care facility.
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Hey gu3450. You're a 25 yr old guy? Male or female you're too young to be giving up your life to be caregiver. I mean no disrespect. It's commendable to take on such a job but this could be your whole life for a long time. We all say this over and over on this site but I must repeat it here, your mother needs to be in a care facility. You can still be a very important part of her life and her care but life for you mom and family would be so much better. Any thing you need to know about assited living etc can be found on this site. Stay in touch. Btw, I'm a 60 yr old guy. (A geezer compared to you. I have some vague memories of life at 25 )
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Thanks so much for the info veronica, andjust to be on the ssame page, I am a 25 yr old male:).
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gu3450 at 62 your mother could certainly live for a few more years if she has survived for 2 years on dialysis. her condition will only worsen if she continues to eat poorly and refuse her medications. Unfortunately there is little you can do about it as she still clearly knows her own mind. as you say it is probably too early to consider hospice but keep it in mind if she continues to decline. Is she on any sort of antidepressent. if she would agree to take something like that she miigt feel better and be prepared to take the meds and have a healthier diet. With the heart and kidney failure she is very likely to have swelling in her legs and due to the diabetes it could turn to gangrene and a surgeon would be hesitant to operate given her general condition.
You have been a very selfless daughter to give up your job and care for Mom. I know it seems a pretty thankless job at times. One thing to be very certain about is not making any promises that you may not be able to keep later. I am thinking in particular about not promising to keep her at home come what may. Make sure you and Dad take care of your own health. if the time comes when you can no longer manage you just have to make the best arrangements possible for Mom and not feel guilty that you have failed because you have not
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Hello and thanks for all your support guys. Veronica my mother is 62 yrs old, got on dialysis due to diabetes and high blood pressure. Has been on dialysis for 2 yrs, she was recently in hospital for pneumonia and minor stroke also had anemia due to poor eating. I really do not want to lose her and do not want hospice because I believe she could still live longer, I am feeling very stressed out that I been having chest problems and headaches my self. Me and my father are the ones who care for her but mostly me due to father having to work, I recently had to quit my job to care for my mother, it has really put a burden on me.
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gu3450, I think that I can understand your stress level and frustration. Everyone's mother dies. In the natural order of things, mothers typically die before their children do. I am sorry that yours is quite ill and will likely die soon. It is OK to feel bad about that, and even to do some preliminary mourning. This is sad.

I think the best plan for your is 1) realize that none of this is your fault, nor can you fix it and 2) make each contact with your mother as good as it can be -- give up trying to change her and try to enjoy her.

Come back and vent again. This is very emotional stuff, and we get it.
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Veronica is right, she really will die at some point, and as much as you want that not to happen or to happen as far in the future as possible, even your best efforts will probably not be able to make her life as much better or longer as you would like. What can you do to give her (and you) some good times and good memories (and maybe - just maybe- more reason to actually want to take her pills and eat right go on living)? And, is there a need for her to have reminders because she forgets? or an appetite stimulant to overcome the lack of appetite probably due to the kidney and heart trouble? Do you ever get to talk to her doctor - I know it can be real hard to get them to really tell you just how sick she is and how long they think she has...
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How old is your mother? How did her kidneys get so bad she needs dialysis?
I see this is your first post can you tell us more about your situation. As Babelou said you can not do anything to change the way she is. She is going to continue to self distruct and indeed will die sooner or later. if she is close to terminal now consider hospice. Kidney failure will usually get someone admitted. She probably feels pretty ill herself and there will be limited foods that she fancies eating healthy or otherwise. All you can do is make sure she is safe and in a clean comfortable environment. She should of course follow a healthy diet but if this is close to the end it really is not going to make much difference You certainly have a hard job ahead but you can only do the best you can and just ignore the negative things she is doing. Having kidney failure as well as heart problems and being on dialysis is totally exhausting so she probably does not have the energy or the inclination to take care of herself. Keep comming back and venting, there are lots of people in the same boat and will try and help keep your spirits up. Blessings
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My MIL was like this. Some folks have very little impulse control and simply want to live life on their own terms. You can't change her. Vent away.
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It's hard when they won't listen to you. We have the same problem with my MIL. And yes, it's frustrating for sure. I was pretty overwhelmed last week, and I called a couple of friends and talked to each one for about an hour. Just venting about everything going on and how I felt, etc. Nothing changed, but it did relieve some of my stress just to blab it all out there. And it helped when my friend said I was doing a good job and trying my best, and to try not to take my MIL's attitude towards me personally, but, yeah, it's hard. Sending hugs your way, and wishing I had more to offer ;0)
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