How do we know if a parent qualifies for Veteran's assistance?

It depends on her current assets and expenditures. Also level of care required. Finding someone with the VA that will help you is key. Ask the administrator at the assisted facility for contacts.

@cristersis what kind of assistance are you looking for your mom - through the VA? You can contact patient advocate there and talk to someone about your needs for your Mom. There is also a lot of information online about Veterans' benefits and their spouses. Let us know what you find out. I hope you can get some help.