Family has been taking care of dad's needs for over a year. Mom has just been diagnosed with brain and lung cancer. Dad is 90 and mom 82. We need assistance with dads bathing and medicines while trying to pull ourselves together with mom's end of life concerns. HELP and direction needed!

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Dear Krisand family,
There is a lot of help out there for Veterans, you just have to go online to those websites that AgingCareCM said. I too went to the VA for help for my Dad. Unfortunately, Dad passed before everything could be processed. Now, I have to fill out different forms for Mom--spousal death benefits for Mom. I know that there is a form called, "Aid and Attendance" that you may want to look into when both parents are still living. The VA also has a nursing home division that can take your Dad/and even your Mom maybe, without cost since he was a veteran, there are just many forms to fill out, interviews that you must go to--as I had to.
You did not mention if both of your parents are eligible for in-home hospice [end of life care]. Medicare will cover the first several months I believe, then if your parents have any other type of health insurance, that kicks in [as it does with my Mom cause Dad used to work for the City and County of our State] Are they going to pass soon? I'm sorry, I hate to say those words, but that's the only way that I know how to explain it. By soon, I mean something like 6-9 months or something like that. It may be that different states and different hospice orgs have different time lines. We got Mom in-home hospice cause she was diagnosed with a time line by her oncologist [Mom has terminal cancer and dementia] w/o chemo 6-9 months, sometimes longer, to live and we got in-home hospice. They send an RN for accessment and she used to come 2-3x a week and a bather would regularly come 3x a week and a social worker for Mom and me came whenever I needed her + the hospice doctor would come whenever I needed him. But Mom got so bad that I couldn't care for her any longer cause her medial needs were more than I could handle even when I had my own CG's come in to help me 4x a week, but now Mom is in hospice and has actually gotten way, way better. They have the immediate meds or different meds that she was getting at home and the catheterization that Mom needed so badly. I could not do that at home. They say that many patients get stablilized and even better when put in hospice because of the professional 24/7 care that they receive is far better than what I and my CG's could give. Mom is now in better health than she was when I was caring for her and wants to come home.
You must speak to both your Mom and Dad's doctors and call hospice to send an RN/doctor assessment to find out if they are both eligible for in-home hospice or actually placing them in the hospice center itself. That is what we did and it was very successful. God Bless you and I pray that you are able to get all the help you need from either the VA or hospice.
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Thank you for your question Krisandfamily,

You'll probably get some more responses from fellow caregivers very soon.

In the meantime, here are some articles about benefits for veterans and their caregivers:

VA Benefits for Veterans and Their Caregivers

Veteran Financial Aid for Long-Term Care and Home Healthcare

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