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linda59 Asked June 2010

My mother in law lives alone. She want to be independent, however when anything goes wrong, she calls her son. How do we convince her it’s time to move?

We have tried to convince her to move to a retirement community. I have taken her to places, her excuse it is not in her city. She is 88, healthy, but does not want to drive anymore, but wants us to take her to doctor appts., continue to tend to her household breakdowns because she does not know what to do. This has been going on for 32 years since her husband died. She has 4 sons and only (1) which is my husband lives in town. Please help. How can we convince her it is time to move? It is creating much stress in our marriage over this.

Emerald4Me Jun 2010
Your situation is a lot like mine. My mom is 75, insists on living alone in her (falling down) home, and I am the only child that lives near by. She will do so well at Assisted Living but refuses. What we (my husband and I) do with my mom is a couple of things. First, I tell her that anything at all that my siblings can do from their homes, she needs to call them about. She needs someone's address or something looked up on the internet, call them not me. Second, she has to hire people. We will not longer drop everything. Living at home costs her. When her sink is backed up, she must call a plumber. My son can no longer mow her lawn, so she has to hire a neighborhood kid. Third, if she is just lonely, she has to call the siblings. She needs to let them know that and they can plan a visit. She perks up if she knows they will be coming and taking her to lunch. Get your husband on board and set the boundaries.

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