Mom in nursing home, aides not doing work and afraid to say something. Any advice?

Caregiver99, NextFriend relationships do exist, typically created through a Petition to be appointed as a Next Friend, and a Order signed by a Judge creating that relationship.

We used them when suing on behalf of a minor, and the appointment was only for purpose of that lawsuit.

That was back in the 60's and 70's. I don't know if they are still used or if they can be used for adults because there are other options available.

My mother passed away 2 weeks ago in a nursing home. I experienced the same issues;bed sores, wet briefs etc. I contacted the social worker, filled out anonymous complaint forms to no avail. I found out that nursing homes hire family members, which in some cases is not good. However if you contact the Nursing Home Bureau in your home State they could help you. they are professional and the practice discretion. Good luck!

The one of the things I do is go to the nursing home at different times of the day.? Morning, sometimes at lunch time , so etc especially I go in the evening. THEY NEVER KNOW WHEN I Wil be their so my mom is well taken care of...because I have reported them once to my ombudsman and am not afraid to take that Avenue again!

There is a list of residents' rights established by law in regards to long term care facilities in the U.S. One of those is the right to present grievances to staff or any other person without fear of reprisal and with prompt efforts by the facility to resolve those grievances. Residents, or anyone else for that matter, have the right to file a complaint with the state ombudsman program and/or the state survey and certification agency along with the state health authority.

Retribution by staff for a complaint made against them holds a $3000 fine and/or jail time.

Yes, it's nice to be able to resolve issues through a fair discussion, which should always be the first step, but as a former Ombudsman Supervisor I've come to realize that most complaints made to the staff or administration of long term care facilities fall on deaf ears or receive lip service unless an authoritative figure is on the side of right.

It is very difficult to see your mom in a NH, I understand the hard work aids have to do and I help when I'm there but there is one thing I don't know how to deal with. Clothing, My mom arrived with plenty of clohes, undergarment included, the first week of her residency, there was no clothes and she was wearing somebody elses which are sizes bigger than hers, I offered to take her clothes home to clean but they said it was not necesary. Now they have ask for more clothes and I'm reluctant since she is not even wearing a bra or socks. It beak my heart to see her and its difficult to hold my anger, please help!!!

I insist on taking my wife's clothes home to launder. No ifs, buts or maybes. I like it, my wife likes it, and it keeps her looking like herself.

BTW - I also stick a large picture of her on the wall at the head of the bed so staff can see who she is when she is not sick.

Depersonalisation is the worst kind of isolation, since it humanizes the patient. Never let it happen. We also plaster the walls of her room with family pictures and pictures of scenes and places she loves.

It is never home, but it establishes her as a real person to staff and visitors alike.

Erratum: "Since it DE-humanises the patient.

Caregiver99 you have found the only solution that will work. Do not leave more than 2-3 outfits in her room or "someone" will be tempted to borrow. Make sure everything is clearly labeled with her name.

In addition to caregiving lapses I've described at the NH where my dad is, the matter of his clothes disappearing is also a problem. My mom has tried everything--stick-on name tags, iron-on name tags, Sharpie laundry markers, etc etc. One day she and I stormed the laundry room looking for his missing clothes but they wouldn't let us in the door. At first we assumed there was just a mix up due to the volume of clothes but at this point there are at least a dozen pieces of clothing that have permanent gone missing. I don't have any sage advice on how to handle this because it's pretty clear to us that some of his clothes have been taken home by staff.

If staff have stolen your Dad's clothing, it is a matter for them police. Tell this to the DON.

Pull rank.

The only way I got the problem solved is sleeping in the chapel of the hospital with my better half overnight, several nights.

The night security crew kicked it up to the brass and as soon as Connie and I hit the floor to check in on dad, all the cell phones dropped and everyone got real busy -- magically I might add :)

I agree with the above. You need to pick your battles. I also made it a habit to frequently bring cookies or doughnuts on a disposable platter and put it in the staff kitchen with a sticky note thanking them for all their hard work. While I visited, if there was something that needed to be done for Mom or even for her roommate, I would ask the desk if I could do it for them - they really appreciated that also.

my mother is in a nursing home too, and sadly I have to track down an aid when I shouldn't have to. I try to remember they are busy with many other residents, and not just there for my mother. Don't be afraid to speak up, and Good luck.