My Mom (99) with dementia is currently in a nursing home facility but I'm concerned for her. Any advice? -

My Mom (99) with dementia is currently in a nursing home facility but I'm concerned for her. Any advice?


She is not assisted with her meals - not too much stimulation is given to her - the unit I wanted her in is primarily for dementia patients with enough stimulation for them through out the day - but I'm told there is not a bed for her in there - shoul I take her home - get 24/7 care which would consist of 1 on 1 care?? I want the best for her and do not know which way to turn.

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thank you for your advice -
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I don't think there's any "right" thing or "wrong" thing. It's not that black and white. And if there were, I don't think you can do the "wrong" thing. You're acting in your mom's best interest, trying to make sure she's happy and cared for. Nothing you do (or don't do) will be the "wrong" thing.

If you think your mom would benefit from activities talk to the activities director at the facility and ask her to include your mom. Usually the activities department at the facility goes around and tries to round up people who would enjoy the activity but if your mom can't communicate she might be overlooked. It's not just the dementia wing that gets activities. The entire facility has activities.

Because of the UTI and the decrease in mobility your mom has bopped around a lot in a short amount of time. Hospital, rehab, facility. That's a lot of upheaval. It's only been a month since all of this has started, she hasn't had time to adjust to anything yet. When an elderly parent goes into a facility I think it's a knee-jerk reaction to want to move them back out when we see that they're not happy but we have to give it time and a month is not long enough to see if your mom is going to be happy there or not. Plus, she's only been on that floor less than a week! Give it time.
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my Mother first was in the rehab. where she had UTI - plus she was not steady on her feet - I didnot want to put her in long term but when I found out she needed 24/7 care I wanted her around people and activities not just coop up in the house. She has been in hospital then rehab for about a month now into long term floor which is not even a week. The facility told me she is on the waiting list for the dementia unit - I honestly don't know if I'm doing the right thing - she seems so unhappy -
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I understand why a 99 year old woman with dementia would need a nursing home but if your mom can get professional around the clock one on one care at home why did she go into a nursing home?

Did the facility tell you that your mom would be in that memory unit? Is she on a waiting list?

Have you spoken to the facility about your concerns? Does your mom need someone to feed her and she's not getting that?

When we put our elderly parents in a facility there's always a period of adjustment. For us, for the facility, and for our parent. During this time I think we've all had second thoughts. But rather than moving your mom again have a talk with the nursing home. Let them know that you're not happy and what they can do to fix it.

You didn't say how long your mom has been there but if it's recent you might just have to give it some time.
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