I live with my mother and father, Mom 91, Dad 89. It was a temporary move to help with Mom when first diagnosed with dementia but seems to have become permanent.

Mom has always suffered with anxiety, her own mother was agoraphobic, but I'm struggling to separate the anxiety from the dementia.

She doesn't leave the house except for a few doctor/clinic appts and it is always a monumental struggle to get her out of bed and downstairs.

The occasions she comes downstairs have become fewer and fewer, she hates getting out of bed and we've only 'made her' to try and get her to move a little bit and avoid the pitfalls of staying in bed.

She is generally happy enough and chuckling away to herself until you want her to do something and then she becomes very stubborn.

To get her in the bath or shower is a no-no and it concerns me that her hygiene isn't the best.

It's a battle trying to wash her or her hair and change her clothes.

I'd like to have someone come in and give us some advice on how to handle things Dad doesn't want anyone in the house!!!

Anyway on Thursday evening we brought her downstairs but when it came to going back up to bed she wouldn't go and sat on the floor shaking and convulsing.

After much effort we managed to sit her on the sofa and had to leave her there overnight with one of us sitting with her.

We managed to get her back upstairs the next day with great difficulty and since then she won't get out of bed to go to the toilet and doesn't want to eat or drink.

If you take her a drink she suddenly doesn't seem to know what to do with it. Earlier she just stuck out her tongue.

At the moment if you try to move her slightly she just starts shaking violently and convulsing and saying she's frightened.

She has also just wet the bed

We're getting the doctor in tomorrow but does anyone have any thoughts?


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Thank you all for your good advice.

The doctor came yesterday and has diagnosed a UTI.

He gave her a thorough 'going over' and said there did appear to be any other problems.

She was as nice as pie to the doctor doing everything he asked.

I jokingly asked her why she wouldn't sit up etc. for me and she said 'oh, I'm on my best behaviour for the doctor'.

I'm considering getting a nurses uniform, mask and stethoscope.!!!!

Today she's back to her stubborn self, clamping her mouth shut when I try to give her a tablet etc.

As soon as we're through this episode I'm going to speak to Dad seriously and look at some of the other suggestions you've kindly given.

Meanwhile I, like everyone else will soldier on!!!!

Love and best wishes

Helpful Answer (2)

Another thing to ask the doctor is to blood test for dehydration. Besides UTI it’s another contributor to wild behavior.
Helpful Answer (3)

I hope that the doctor can figure out what is going on and that it is not a decline from the dementia.

I would encourage you to ask the doctor about stroke as well, mini ones can further the person into dementia.

I would also ask for a referral for in home health, physical therapy and occupational therapy.

Dad needs to know that without outside help you will not be able to continue helping them and then what is he going to do? You have to put your foot down and make him understand that he doesn't have many choices and no other help is NOT one that he does have. He sounds like he may be experiencing some mental decline.

Great big warm hug!
Helpful Answer (0)

Move out. These temporary living arrangements often become permanent. Don't let it consume your life.
Helpful Answer (1)

I agree with Cwillie. My Mom gets them so frequently. Also hard to distinguish sometimes from declining dementia. I bought a test kit last week to test Moms urine at home. Usually it’s the odor that tips me off but no odor this time. I’ve read so often on this forum about behavior changes with UTI so I tested. No UTI this time so I think my Mom has just taken a step down with the dementia. Best of luck with your Mom.
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Alison33 Jan 2020
Thank you for your help.

The decline seems so rapid I'm 'hoping' it is something else.

Best wishes to you and your Mom
Thank you.

I've just been looking that up and it looks possible.

Many thanks.
Helpful Answer (0)

The first thing I'd look for is a UTI.
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