My mother has moderate dementia which is getting worse. Can her neurologist deem her unfit to be at home by herself?

Do you think she's safe to wait two weeks? Has your mother's dementia been formally diagnosed before?

In your place, I would get in touch with these people -

http://www.albanycounty.com/Government/Departments/DepartmentofSocialServices/ProgramsandServices/AdultServices.aspx -

- and ask their advice. In one way your mother doesn't meet their criteria for help because she DOES have family who are willing and able to assist her with a care plan; but in another way, of more immediate importance, your mother does meet their criteria because she, the only person who is officially in charge of her decisions, can't take care of herself. She is, so to speak, a victim of neglect; only in her case it's self-neglect. And because your hands are tied without a formal declaration of incompetence, you can't intervene.

So, have no fear - give them a call and ask what you should do and whether they can help. For example, a report from them would reinforce the neurologist's opinion should you have a battle on your hands over long term care. Best of luck, please let us know how you get on.

If she can not care for herself, and it sounds like she can not do that, then the doctors can declare her "incompetent"
The money that is paid to the Elder Law Attorney is charged to your mom not to you so any expenses would come out of her account. If she can not afford it, if you can not afford it it might be worth looking into having a Court Appointed Guardian take over. There are "problems" with that you would have little say in what her care would be or if she is placed in a facility where that placement would be. It could be anywhere in the state.
Look into application for Medicaid if that will be necessary.
If your dad was a Veteran look into the possibility that your mom might qualify for some services depending on where and when your dad served.

Check with the administration policies of your nearby nursing homes. Many will accept a letter from a doctor stating that the person can no longer care for themselves and shouldn’t be home. That was the case with my mom after a bad fall. You may not have to go the guardianship route.

I just went through the guardianship process for my dad who has dementia and Parkinson's and lives in a LTC facility. Even though I filed it, I paid nothing because the attorney petitioned the court to have it all paid out of my dad's $, which is not large by any means. But the guardianship was not that expensive either - under $3K and it would have been a lot less if my mom had not objected. (I filed to stop my mom, who was his POA and is in early stages of dementia, from moving him out of state, among other things.) It basically all boils down to what a "Court Visitor" decides - your attorney asks this person to contact the drs, family members, even friends - anyone who would like to input, to decide if the person needs a guardian, and then, who it should be - the person filing, or a 3rd party. The CV are very competent in making the right call. Filing for guardianship was the best thing ever!

I hope you don't mind my saying: when she goes to th Neuro appt, just make sure she goes: "as is", (with the urine odor & unkempt appearance, ect). Just tell him she wouldn't cooperate in time for appointment. I mean, the Dr needs evidence to go on. They can't take our word for it...has to be firsthand experience they can legally document. No offense intended, best wishes to you & mom.

I think they could help u with that by results of how far into discease.I take care of my dad who's showing worse signs of dementia also. Everything's "a couple years ago" he says. We did just go to numerologist,(catscan in tube & they didn't listen when he had to pee, so wet all over himself, refuses adult diapers) memory clinic ( he failed most tests. I'm new at this too, but know just 2 days in E.R. & he's ancy to leave. Couldn't imagine him in 24 hr care yet. because him & I aren't ready, it's putting extra load on me, & only me. No siblings left. ......Today I need to say to myself before going over to his apt. " Be patient, ask questions , and remember I might be that way one day too, cherish what time we have together. "

Have her physician sign off on her needing facility care. She cannot live by herself any longer. Do not tell her the time nor date of the appointment on the occasion that she may suddenly get herself cleaned up. There is a possibility that she can no longer do that, e.g. may have lost the skill to know what a washcloth, soap and water are for. No offense, but just factual.

Has your mother had a formal prognosis of dementia? If so her medical team should be able to provide documentation of incompetency. This along with POA or guardianship should allow you to do what’s in best interest for mom.

Doctor's can examine your mom and declare her incompetent. Ask her doctor what steps to take to get her into a memory care place. Most times, this will require getting the law involved - either to establish guardianship or to have a guardian ad litem appointed (who assumes guardianship).