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How do we stop my hoarding, addicted, OCD, shopaholic elderly mother from using up me and sisters inheritance on tv shopping, and catalogue ordering. She burned 1 down already, the reason she's in assisted living now.. this is terrible!

It is not your inheritance, it is her money to use as she pleases. Once she dies, anything left over will go to whomever she leaves it in her will.

I have a hoarding parent and although there is nothing I can do to stop the behaviour, I have never thought of him as spending 'my' money. I am horrified at the mess my brother and I will have to clear up once he dies, It will cost the estate thousands to clear it all out.
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Reply to Tothill
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im going thru this with my grandmother she must have spent thousands on qvc also Walmart just buying tons of clothes,batteries and other things even underwear I just finished getting rid of the majority of clothes there was at least 50 bags worth I had to rent a uhaul cargo van just to get it all outta the house.
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Reply to Coneal7876
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As Ahmijoy mentioned, try to get her heIp. Don't know if you would want to use nursing home counselor/staff member but it might pay to bring in a social worker to evaluate conditions in her unit and give her advice and any appropriate warnings. It's her penalty and/or consequences to deal with. Does the town in which the nursing home is have social worker services? Find out if medicare would cover any kind of counseling or hoarder rehab.

Hoarders are tough because you have to help them with their issues and deal with all the stuff. Dealing with a similar issue in which a senior has stored stuff for a hoarder for years before he realized she had a problem. Not only has he spent numerous hours helping/enabling her to pass basic safety inspections in her apartment he has to deal with 2 bedrooms worth of stuff at his house.

Good Luck
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Reply to biztap
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Shopping tv sites like QVC and HSN can be addicting. They make the items they have listed so enticing to buy
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Reply to shad250
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How costly is the facility? I hear of some as high as $8,000 per month. This can deplete a small retirement fund quickly. As previous post Medicaid may come into play. My parents both inherited money from their parents but all of the money is mostly gone now. I worry that at some point I could be responsible for my estranged mother’s bills.
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JoAnn29 Aug 6, 2018
You are not responsible for parents bills. Don't even get involved. If you are estranged there is a reason. Don't call collectors or credit card companies. Once they have ur number they will be relentless. If they happen to find you. Tell them you are not responsible and not to call you again. If they do, tell them you will report them to the FTC.
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What burned down? Was the fire related to hoarding? Or do you mean she's already burned through the funds of one major asset?

The money in your mother's accounts is not your inheritance. It doesn't become that until she dies. Until then she can spend it as she pleases. And as long as she spends it on herself, it won't make her ineligible for Medicaid should that need arise. If she were to give it to you, for example, that would incur a penalty from Medicaid.
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Reply to jeannegibbs
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Burned down what? A house? If no one has control of Mom’s finances but her, then there isn’t much you can do. If you don’t have POA or any other documents saying you are responsible for her finances, you can’t take her money, checks, credit cards away from her. If she lives in Assisted Living, there should be some rules as to how much she can have in her rooms/apartment. Go to the administrator of the facility and tell them Mom is accumulating too much stuff and you are afraid st some point the situation will become at least unhealthy and even dangerous for her and the other residents. Ask if Mom had could have a psych evaluation. They may wind up placing her in a skilled nursing facility or even memory care.
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Reply to Ahmijoy
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A more appropriate question would be: "How do we stop my hoarding...elderly mother from spending her money on tv shopping and catalogue ordering because she needs to pay for her care in the Assisted Living facility (and any future care in a nursing home)?"

Unless your Mom is declared incompetent and you or your sisters have Financial Power of Attorney, you can't. Not unless you petition for guardianship of your Mom which cost money to do.

Where are the items that she buys being delivered to---the Assisted Living facility? What do you mean by "She burned 1 down already"?

Talk to the Social Service Department at the Assisted Living facility and let them know that you think your Mom is spending all of her money tv shopping instead of paying the facility for her care. Who is paying your Mom's Assisted Living bill now? Her or You?

Forget about your inheritance, your priority is making sure that your Mom receives proper care during the last years of her life.
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Reply to DeeAnna
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