I've called APS and well even though X has had 198 Arrests 2 strikes 2 terms and two violations & I learned 2012 I was his 4th DV charge as I hired him as my Ihss provider and he picked me up by my neck when his pizza hadn’t arrived. I stayed because I was getting very sick and felt stuck financially and then my Mother moved in just as we were married due to suspicion of Dementia which was confirmed from 2 prior silent frontal lobar strikes. I’ve been pending these charges due to COVID mow for 20 months and Since he lied to avoid going back to prison when he tried to suffocate me, he took off, hit himself and he made up a lie after gaslighting and projecting on me for days and told 911 I am schizophrenic. My Criminal Attorney gave me the body cam evidence and my Mother when she was asked by the Police what Happened she said No I didn’t see her hit him but that she heard me say he hit me. He hit me and I’d hear this and she raised her paw like a cat getting ready to swat and said but I know she hit him because she’s just sick. Now Here’s my concern. No money for another kind of Attorney to hit my Mother safe as he was never really taken care of her . And later my Mom confesses why she did that and she said it was because I gave her Dementia, diabetes and COPD because I had to make my own diseases hers. She told me that I also took away her freedom by having her tested for Dementia and that she hated me for this caused the Doctor to take her drivers license. I tried to explain that is not true and to please not forget to make new memories with me as I’d love to heal our past and that since several people /friends that have seen her said she is not showing ans or washing her clothes or brushing her hair . So I asked her if I could get her hair done and makeup and I would take pretty photos for her - her favorite . She told me no you're going to kidnap me and my tv shows recorded will be lost forever. I assured her that was not going to happen and she still didn’t go. She told me that she would need to ask my X before she could go. Also I have it recorded if her saying she’s never heard of any other time I have been violent towards anyone. But I can’t use the tape because she didn’t give me permission to tape. It seriously concerns me that The only requirement to pass for caregiving is online is to not have Child endangerment or elder abuser but yet a man can have attempted murder on a dog officer and violence since he was 13 and the SHPD chose this man? Well making me the caretaker of my Mom with Lupus and being that he was the bread winner I can understand my Mom feeling like this and yet I can’t seem to get anyone to believe me at the police station . Even with a letter from my (5) year Psychologist that victims of violent that write out a letter with diagnosis codes for the judge June 3rd and multiply times she’s done in her life. To try to knock me down it seems and well this is the farthest this had gone . My Hopes are to find some kind of advocate
and whatever it takes as she falls and should be left alone at
I wish that Cops believed me . Sometimes I
feel Like I have been running behind my Mother since the age of 12 and the next stroke at 19 years old and supporting her as long and I could and it’s caused Ptsd worrying about her because , well she had now become mentally about 7 years old . What A cruel X do do this . My Mom's too far gone to be held responsible by me and I cannot believe the police
Subpoenaed my mom, in her condition for pretrial .
it feels like the police knew who hit who and don’t care at all what they are doing with my Mother they’re
has anyone else had anything similar?

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I think the question you should be asking is not, "has anyone else had anything similar?" but rather, "How do I detach and protect myself from this chaos going forward?" You need to start getting some things off your plate or you will never extricate yourself from any of these problems. You must take care of you first. This means you need to figure out how someone else can help your mom.

You assume your mom has dementia, but does she? It could be something else medical, like a UTI. Is it possible to take your mom to a doctor and discretely ask him/her to perform a cognitive exam? I did this with my MIL. I told her she had to go for an exam because it was now required in order to continue to receiver her SS checks (this is called a "therapeutic fib"). I went with her with a pre-written note that I secretly handed to the staff identifying me as her relative and asking for a cognitive exam and test for a UTI. They were happy to do it. If you can get this done and in her medical records then at least you will know what you're dealing with and get her some help and they maybe won't subpoena her.

I can't figure out from your post who is living where, but if you and your mother are living with an exceedingly abusive man, perhaps you should consider going to a woman's shelter? Or if you or your mom are connected to a church, ask someone there to take you in for a while? I'm assuming the ex won't leave voluntarily if he's still in the house. Or you report your mom as a vulnerable adult and let them pursue guardianship of her through the courts so that at least she will get the care she needs and YOU will be better able to get a handle on your own life. I wish you much wisdom as you navigate your way out of the mire.
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I read your post and your profile. I understand your concern, bit it seems Mom has no problem staying with the ex. Until she is formally diagnosed with a Dementia and found incompetent, not much you can do. Not sure if a POA, even in effect, could be used. May need to go for guardianship which is expensive.

All you can do is call your County Adult Protection Services and ask for a "well visit". They will investigate.
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I am afraid I was lost at 198 arrests.
I think this question is most certainly above my pay grade, and am sorry to have few suggestions to offer you.
I am glad you are seeing a professional for ongoing support and hope you will refer these concerns to him/her. I wish you the best. Yours is a very complicated, long and ongoing screnario that few of us on Forum can be privy to the details of. But we do wish you good luck moving forward.
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