A new, clingy behavior: Has anyone else experienced this?

She needs some socialization that doesn't involve you. Put her in adult day on the week-ends and make her go. It's for her own good.

There must be some separation between the two of you. For your own good too. As for her refusing to have her meds adjusted. Talk to her doctor about ways to give her anti-anxiety meds without her even knowing about it. Tell him what's going on and that you fear it will soon develop into a shadowing habit, and you will not be able to care for her if that happens. He'll help you out.

Think of it like this. When a baby or child gets upset and cries because their parent has to leave them to go to work does the parent quit their job? When the child demands candy for supper, does the parent give in because the child will get upset if they don't?

No, because they have to go to work to survive. The child has to go to school. Like a child, the elderly person who is getting clingy has to be separated for periods of time too. For their own good.


If you don't correct this behavior now and put some separation between you and your mother she will form a shadowing habit and if you think she's clingy now, wait until you have to start taking her into the bathroom with you because she freaks out if you get up to pee without her.

Please, put her in adult day care a few hours a day on the week-ends when you're home.

Thanks for the advice everyone! She's already on antianxiety meds. Tried changing her meds, but she rejects the suggestion of change. I am at home today...waiting for an electrician for some repairs so that she's at her usual baseline. One day at a time.

I knew there was something wrong when Mom started this when I went on vacation to Fla a few years back. We did this every year to see MIL. I always told her when leaving and when I got home. I never called her while away and she didn't expect it before. When I go on vacation, I never call anyone at home. It works the same when my girls vacation. To me, thats why you get away. This time though, Mom told a lady at Church she was so excited I was coming home. This was a first. We got in late so didn't call her. We r late sleepers and Mom knows this. My phone rings 9am. It was Mom asking if she could come over. I told her I wasn't up yet and I would call her later. After I woke up (I am so not a morning person) I felt guilty. But, this was not my Mom. She was never clingy. It was one of the first signs that Dementia was setting in.

Maybe u should length the time an aide is there. Dementia time is different than our time. 5 min can seem like an hour to them. An hour all day. You could be with her all day and leave for a little while and she may say you have been gone all day. They have no perception of time.

Do not change what you are doing. You need time to yourself.

My first thought was being that your mother is now 95 that she may be realizing that her time here on this earth is very limited and she wants to be able to spend as much time with you as possible before she leaves this world for the next.
Plus there is probably some fear and anxiety when she's there all by herself even if it's only for 4 1/2 hours or so.
And of course with any of the dementias there can be shadowing which typically is short lived, but can be quite frustrating for the one being shadowed.
I know that when my husband went through it(thankfully it didn't last long)I believe that he just wanted to know that I was near as he felt safer when I was.
Just reassure her that you're there and that she is safe.

I think this is the precursor to shadowing, with anxiety mixed in. I saw on another thread that Burntcaregiver suggested this behavior can be minimized (or extinguished?) by not pandering to it, since it is irrational. Is your Mom on any mood or anxiety meds right now? If not, maybe time to consider them. If yes, then maybe time to revisit her prescription and see if there's something that would work better. I wish you success in helping her!