Follow
Share

So it’s turned out that my mother in law was faking her disabilities all along. She is however alcoholic, poly substance abuse, and though she’ll never concede to a psych evaluation probably some Cluster B disorders (antisocial personality disorder, histrionic personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder are possible candidates). My husband has cut back his contact drastically. It’s benefited our marriage a LOT.


Currently she’s refusing to get out of bed altogether and demanding that the nurses and caregivers she’s getting through the state stay with her 24/7 and openly tantruming in their presence.


My life otoh is going REALLY well.
Hubby and I are praying every day and attending mass two times a week (which led to his mother going full Regan from The Exorcist...I wonder if she might just be demonically possessed, for those who believe...what do you think? Like foaming at the mouth and cursing the name of Jesus.) though we’re also considering visiting the local Presbyterian Church. Work is going SO well! I got another raise a week ago and I’m opening a 401k in a couple weeks (they match our donations up to 50%, iirc). We have been blessed to save enough money in our savings account to pay for our house outright: no mortgage! I’m making two or three times what I used to, and we’re going to be able to HAVE BABIES SOON!


I want to overcome this bitterness towards my mother in law, it’s really holding me back from serving the Lord. Can I get some prayers? But still praise Jesus! He has truly delivered us from the wickedness of sin and strife!

Shell,

Every family has their characters, right? Lord knows my family has!
(1)
Report

NHWM,

Leave it to you to make me LOL! Your sister-in-law does sound like a one-of-a-kind! She also sounds like she was mean/stubborn right down to her bone marrow!
(2)
Report

At this point my husband says she’s essentially committing suicide in slow motion. Refusing to toilet, refusing to eat, refusing to get out of bed. It’s sad and I really tried very hard to help her. I think about how my late grandma was up and moving, writing dozens of letters to friends and family, cleaning her own 4 bedroom house, paying her own bills, running yard sales, going shopping with friends until a week and a half before her passing at 83–post heart attack, open heart surgery, and with mesothelioma no less. My grandma was my hero and best friend and I helped her when I was young and she was always so good to me, so cheerful and positive and appreciative of everything I did. And she never touched cigarettes or alcohol in her entire life; Atlanta Braves baseball was the only addiction she had! She’d notice me getting tired and frustrated when I changed her catheter bags when I was 12/13 and tell me to stop, sit down and have a cup of tea with her. I went into the whole caregiving for my mother in law hoping to show her a gentler, healthier way to live free of hatred and bigotry and degenerate behavior. But alas, you can’t make someone change.

I’m going to keep praying for her.
(2)
Report

You forgive her because she really is not responsible for her disorders. She was probably born with these problems. Her brain is wired different and she has never been taught how to deal with them. If she ever could. The alchohol problem probably comes from these disorders.

But forgiving doesn't mean you need to have a relationship with her. You now understand where she is coming from. You know its not you. Just be there for your husband. Seems that things are looking up. Good luck. Keep those boundries going.
(3)
Report

MidKid,

I would stay away from your MIL too. What is the point of going to see her? Some people cannot be pleased.

Your story of living long out of spite reminded me of my deceased sister in law.

She was never a nice person. She has some mental health issues that she refused to address properly. After a total breakdown and a stint in a mental hospital she was placed on drugs. People who need meds should take them! I don’t know how common it is for people to stop taking meds but she never took her meds consistently.

Anyway, she had late stage breasts cancer, had bone marrow, chemo, breast removed, breasts reconstruction, the works. I felt horrible for her. It was awful. What did she say? She claimed that she was too mean to die! Guess what? She beat her freakin cancer! She had a slim chance too. She actually wasn’t notified of her cancer after her mammogram. She ended up winning millions in the lawsuit. She had two young daughters. She wanted to make sure they received compensation for the hospital’s mistake of not notifying her of malignancy.

My brother had an affair while she was going through her cancer treatment. What a jerk he is! I know that they never had a good marriage but still I can’t imagine finding out about an affair with a woman that he worked with during cancer treatment! Horrible. None of my brothers were great husbands. They are too selfish to be good husbands.

Well, she was a heavy smoker since the age of 15. She ended up getting lung cancer. That’s what killed her. She refused to stop smoking. She smoked through both of her pregnancies. She was very stubborn! Once she was mugged in a grocery store parking lot. She chased down the guy! Was able to grab her purse. Beat him up with it. Cursed him out! She was one of a kind!

We all told her that her purse wasn’t worth her possibly being killed by the mugger. She loudly said, “He wouldn’t dare try to kill me!” You know what? The mugger may have been terrified of her. Hahaha.
(3)
Report

Good for you!

Whatever brings you the peace you need to function from day to day is a great blessing.

My MIL is doing the slow decline and isn't expected to live out the year, but honestly, they don't know. Out of sheer spite, she'll truly live to 99-1/2 as she has always said she would.

Dh has taken a step back in seeing her and interacting with her, but he cannot completely cut her off, and his sister will NOT allow a psych eval to be done. It's not necessary, we can see her decompression ourselves.

I am her 'primary trigger' although nobody knows why--so I stay completely away from her and will forever. It is calming--DH can't force me to visit her, as it agitates her so badly to see me.

You sound happy and centered and that is GREAT. We don't get a lot of that here :)
(6)
Report

Glad to hear things are looking better for you. Keep the faith. When I go to Mass I will be sure to burn a candle for you.

I actually know an exorcist. My best friend attends at church where he was the pastor. He is officially retired now but you know how that is. He still says Mass from time to time. Most priests don’t ever completely retire.

My friend played piano in Mass. Her entire family volunteered at church and were good friends with the pastor. She attended a different parish than me but I went to Mass at her church sometimes too. Plus I have seen this priest at her home for family functions. I have spoken to him about the exorcisms he has done.

The most fascinating exorcism he told me about was that of a young girl, about 12 years old who slithered like a snake, spat on him and cursed him out in Latin. The fact that she spoke in Latin is how he knew she was possessed. No one in her family knew Latin!

The church always considers mental illness before doing an exorcism. They are very thorough in their examination during the entire process. Most times it is not possession but a mental illness.

Best wishes to you and your family.
(4)
Report

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter