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My mother is an alcoholic and prescription drugs abuser. She has been an alcoholic for years, too long ago to remember. Me and my dad have offered rehab countless times. I have helped her become sober for so long, but it's becoming too much to handle with school, and the fact that she always starts up again regardless of what I do. I have become extremely angry and frustrated. I don't speak to her anymore and when I do I never say anything nice because she calls me every swear word in the book. She is threatening to kick me out which would jeopardize my entire future. I don't have anywhere to go, I don't have a job because I am at home cleaning and taking care of my younger siblings, and working on my school work because I'm trying to make honour roll. As much as I want to leave, I can't without throwing everything away. I don't have many friends to go to and even if I could, their parents would probably say no and my siblings would be left to fend for themselves. My father is a hard working man and has multiple jobs providing for our family, he can't do what needs to be done at home. If I left everything would fall apart. Can I really be kicked out since I'm 18?

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Your code of silence is hurting you and your sibs, you need to start speaking out to everyone in authority you come into contact with about your mother's problems - your school counsellors and teachers, your religious leader, your extended family. The more people know the less chance there is that your mom will be believed if she starts to spew hate filled lies and the greater the chance that your situation will change for the better. Worrying about what people will think of you is like allowing yourself to drown instead of getting into the life raft because people will see you were skinny dipping. You may be surprised to find out that many people already know about your mom - as you said it is hard to keep secrets in a small town.
And BTW, you can't be thrown out unless your father is complicit, IMO he needs to man up and protect his children.
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Reply to cwillie
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Sprinkles, it's with a heavy heart that I read your responses. I think you’ve reached out to us for advice, but aren’t likely to take our advice because you don’t want to upset the proverbial apple cart. Your sibs will grow up knowing only this type of life. What a shame. I wish you well and pray you and your father (especially your father) find the intestinal fortitude to do something before it’s too late. Good luck to you.
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Reply to Ahmijoy
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Sprinkles, there is no clean, easy, vanilla way out of this. Pardon my French, but people will get pissed off. Your mother has mental issues and APS will see that. So would CPS. They deal with those kinds of people all the time. Your father can’t lose his jobs just because he’s accused of something by an obviously mentally ill woman.

It’s going to be “ugly”. It already is ugly, isn’t it? And it will get worse until your mother totally implodes and does something more awful than she already has. There is no “nice and clean” way to handle this. You and your father need to make up your minds, put your heads down and bull it through until your Mom is where she needs to be and the kids, including you, are safe.
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Reply to Ahmijoy
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Sprinkles im assuming you’re still in high school, and your siblings are in school as well? I would speak to your school nurse about the situation just like you told us. They are a mandatory reporter, have seen and heard all sorts of family drama, and will help get the assistance you and your younger siblings need. If you’re in a larger school they may also have a school psychologist that will help, as well as your guidance councilor. My GF is a school nurse and handles these types of family issues all the time. She is good at being The Bad Guy which removes the blame off of the child. Please speak up for yourself and your younger siblings. 
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Reply to rocketjcat
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Can you check with Adult Protective Services in your city, and also with Child Protective Services since there are younger children involved. Unless you are a licensed therapist who works at a substance abuse center, it would be extremely difficult to know how to work with someone in the throes of alcohol addiction.

You need help. You need to get the authorities involved. Although you have the best intentions, you cannot handle this alone.
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Reply to Ahmijoy
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Forget what people in town will say. Over time, they will forget and move on to something else to talk about. Having an alcoholic, abusive mother is not going to be the scandal you think it is, trust me.

Take the steps now to get help for your family. If that means having to contact CPS or APS, then do it. 20 years from now, what will you regret most - having suffered through a little embarassment, a little gossip and come out on the other side of it as a free, healthy adult with all of your life ahead of you - or having not done anything and continued to live in that situation, suffering the abuse and knowing your younger siblings and your dad are suffering too?

If your dad won't take steps to make the change, then you need to.
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Reply to AnonymousMember
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Sprinkles - what's the best of these situations?

Having your abusive, alcoholic, addicted mother out of your lives so you can move on in peace - and *possibly* having her become a healthy, whole person so that *maybe* you can have a decent relationship down the road, and you, Dad and sibs all get to live in relative peace in the meantime

- OR -

Staying and living in misery until your mother physically harms someone - the police, APS and CPS get involved - the younger sibs get taken away and put in foster care because Dad stood by and did nothing to prevent the situation or to fix it?

You and Dad have a choice to make here. If he won't make it, you need to. I know it's hard. But someone has to be the "adult" here, and if your Dad won't do it, then you need to.
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Sprinkles, things are not the same as they were in your dad's day. EVERY family has an addict in it. It's no longer the families dirty little shameful secret. It's a very open subject now.

I bet you a dollar to donuts that your dad's dad had never really gotten sober. That's why he continued to resent dad.

I am around recovery almost daily. The people who are sober and in recovery (12 step program) always look at the bad ending of their active addiction as a blessing! She will not hate you. And believe me, she does NOT hate you now.

You represent everything she is not. You ARE everything she can not be. She feel like a piece of crap. She thinks she is dirt. Whatever we have on the inside, is what we spew out. And sadly it's her family who gets it.

She's also feeling very judged by you and Dad. That's also why she's so mean.

She has a disease that will kill her. But first it will drag you all threw hell with her until she dies.

I pray your dad is really going to call for help. His kids need to feel they matter, that they are important and most of all loved. By dad getting her out of the house, the kids will feel they are so important that dad would even get rid of mom for them. I'm not saying he will or should abandon her, but do something that stops this torment.

The cycle will not be broken unless the family gets help, now. Addiction is a family disease. Everyone will need some sort of treatment. There is Al Anon, Al Teen, family and individual therapy for this situation.

The cycle is not broken yet. Your dad married exactly what he grew up with. I will guarantee, one or more of you kids will become addicts and/or marry one. Marrying an abuser is just as likely.

Do you want your little sister to hook up with some monster, just to get out of the house? How would you feel then, when she comes to you after being gang raped? All because she chose a druggie boyfriend with out of control junkie friends, cause she didn't have enough self esteem to think she deserved better. Or your brother killed in a car crash at 18 because he was drinking and driving.

If you were feeling pressured by us, on this site, and just said dad's getting help, think about the kids. Step up and do something. Your mom is choosing to continue like this. The kids however, don't have a choice!

Yes Spinkles, this "WILL" get ugly,very ugly. But not for your mom....for the rest of the kids.
Everyone's protecting mom, no one's protecting the kids.
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Reply to Pepsee
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The only way you can be kicked out is if your father is willing to go along with it. I’m glad you respect your dad, and I do too for his work ethic, but he’s also failing you and his other children for not protecting you all from an addict. Please take the advice you’ve been offered here and reach out for help, yes, it will be hard, but have the courage to take a positive step to make all of your lives better. You and your siblings don’t deserve to live like you are living
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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PS. Who gives a crap if she gets mad at you, she's always fighting with you now! If you're the one to make the call, so what! It can't be worse then it already is between you and her. 
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