At my wits end; the problem is this marriage was over a long time ago and I resent having to navigate the system alone.


Husband has advanced dementia. Goes to adult daycare 5 days a week. I have an aide for 6 hrs Sat and Sun. He’s on community Medicaid which pays for this. The problem is this marriage was over a long time ago and I resent having to navigate the system alone. My case manager is not very helpful. I’m pushing 80 and my husband is 88. I feel that my life is over as I watch him slip away. Financially placement without hospitalization is out. I tried to take care the best I can, but I just want some peace.



I tried to take care of my husband he has on set dementia and bipolar disorder he never was a a generous person to me he in mental ward at VA he has been very aggressive toward the staff there they want me to take him home I refuse. My thing is we own our home but for 24 years he has sat there in our home want clean want repair anything and wouldn’t let anyone else to come in and do the repair. He in va and I have to go live someplace else and pay rent don’t have health cause I retire early to take of him but it didn’t work out that way va was suppose to pick up for me on the health insurance because I was suppose to be his 24/7 caregiver. I am very angry because Va new his problem was very he had 3 strokes and still hateful as ever

Ginger, I feel your pain, annoyance and frustration. My hubby is 68 and bedridden. We have no money for a NH and he is very determined to stay home with me doing everything but feeding him. I have been negotiating life as a pseudo-widow since his stroke 15 years ago. We are absolutely, positively not living the wonderful Senior, retirement life depicted on television, are we?

He was never all the good to me. My kids and I never wanted for much when they were growing up and we had nice houses. But he was gone 7 days a week. He cheated on me and at times, treated me like something that stuck to the bottom of his shoe. And now look at us. The things I have to do for him....well.

I agree. Get another Case Manager and get more help. A lot of them are overworked. I’ve been waiting for a call for two weeks. Are you ok with him going to a facility? If he does, I know you’ll find the peace you’re looking for. Good luck.

not sure I understand about: "financially placement without hospitalization is out" ?

is there no facility where he can be placed for long term care?

can you ask for another case manager?

I know that living with and caring for someone with dementia can be draining and exhausting.

Ginger; I'm so sorry that you're feeling down.  

What do you do with your time when he's at DayCare or when the aides are there? Do you get out? Go to the library or visit with friends?

Have you consulted an Eldercare attorney about applying for NH Medicaid for your husband?