I guess this is just a vent. I feel like I'm spinning a downward spiral alone and at the end lies a padded room.
I'm 43. I've been a single mom for 16 years. My daughter just completed her first year of college. Finally some time to spend on me, right? Wrong. I work full time in the medical field. My mom (who is single) had cancer, then a brain injury and I cared for her for 6 years before it became too much and she moved to a nursing home.
My dad is remarried. His wife has cerebral palsy (it only affects her legs , not her brain) and is in a wheelchair. My dad ALSO had a head injury 5 years ago and was subsequently diagnosed with dementia, then Alzheimer's (among other health issues).
I have a brother out of state. No other siblings or help in town to help me care for THREE parents in THREE different locations with multiple health issues.
My dad (who lived at his home with my stepmom) is currently being bounced around from hospital to nursing home to (currently) ...psych ward.
My problem is my stepmom. She is NEEDY (emotional, physically and mentally DRAINING the sanity out of me). Cannot drive. Is jealous of my relationship with my dad. Doesn't want me involved in any decision making. Doesn't want me visiting my own dad without her. Doesn't want to talk about future plans (I don't even know if he has a will, burial plot, means to pay for it), moving to a better suited living situation, or anything to help make things easier on them (and me). She's been terrible about managing money, has REALLY let the house go (think filthy hoarder), And didn't care for my dad very well when he was home. He currently has a MASSIVE bed sore to the bone because she let him sit in his own urine without a shower for days.
She DOES However, want to call me at all hours freaking out about things, drive to get her stupid items (super glue was the last request), take her dog to the vet, take out her trash, explain to her how to adjust the thermostat, drive her to get cigarettes, drive her to visit my dad....etc etc etc. these are no easy trips, since she needs physical help and I have to load/unload a wheelchair as well.
I'm expected to answer her medical questions, when she doesn't want me to talk to doctors. That leaves me with 1/3 of information, second hand from her in a non-sensical way. She doesn't know what follow-up questions to ask doctors, even if I write them down. She lacks common sense, which is not from her disability. I am her 'back up plan' when she can't do things, yet she won't accept outside help, or the fact she and him need to be placed somewhere with full time help.
I could go on and on. But, the short version is- I'm burned out. I'm exhausted. I'm frustrated. I'm angry. I'm scared of losing my dad.
And, I feel TERRIBLE & guilty that I have some awful thoughts that won't go away.
This is affecting my relationship, my job, my hobbies, my demeanor.
I need a friend who understands.