This morning when I got up and went downstairs at my mom's, she told me to take away the rails from her bed. She talked to me as if I were 5 to explain that she cannot go to the toilet because of them. She wears diapers during the night.
Actually after a fall she cannot get up or walk alone. She was bed bound for 6 weeks and is now having read at home 1 hour a week. She is doing really good.
I tried to explain but no way... I lost my temper saying I can't spend the nights with her and that I would see if we can afford to hire someone for the night.
She has no diagnosis of dementia, doctors say she is fine but I think she is often confused about time.
It is difficult to understand what is really happening in her mind. She has always been extremely stubborn and proud.
I now regret losing my temper... I know it is because I am so tired and scared. This always happens on Saturdays or Sundays after a long week: I work and have my own family.
I am blessed having found a great home aid but afternoons/nights and weekends are still on me.
Looking for respite care this summer but not sure covid will allow it.
Thank you all for reading... Just wanted to vent I guess.

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You, I and EVERYONE else on the planet has occasionally lost their temper. I personally feel that if anyone ever says that they have never lost their temper with a loved one, they are LYING through their teeth!

You are human. No one is a super hero with super powers.

Of course, losing your temper makes you feel badly but that proves that you care. If you didn’t care, you wouldn’t be upset.

Make a list of what you have done to help your mom versus losing your temper for a brief amount of time and I guarantee the list of the helpful things that you do will be the longer list.

Many hugs!

Anyone that has been a caregiver for any length of time, if they're honest will tell you that we've all lost it at one time or another. We're only human, so there's no need to beat yourself up about it. And not to scare you, but it will probably happen again, so cut yourself some slack, and just continue doing the very best job you can. That's all any of us can do.

I'm new to this AgingCare site and to forums overall but I take care of my 91 year old mom and I have accidentally gotten angry at some of the things that my mom has done or refuses to do. It tears my hear apart when she looks at me with a truly concerned look asking me what did she do to anger me I didn't mean to. It's very hard being a caregiver. It's hard watching your parent get older and now you have to be the parent. What I have gathered in all of these years is that this is a lesson on patience. In this case, my mom is truly trying the best that she can. I feel that I am trying the best that I can but I have all of these other frustrations behind me in my mind when I let out my anger.

So, after a long background of me, what I can tell you is that when you feel angry and about to explode try your best that you are doing the best that you can and your mom or dad or whomever that you are caring for is doing the best that they can with where they are in their lives. If they're acting out of character, remember that they are dealing with their own issues like mental decline, mobility issues, memory issues, as well as a loss of their independence. They're probably just as frustrated if not more than you are.

It's very hard. I'm not saying that it's easy but do your best to have patience and be easy on yourself also. If you get angry, know that you're human and that these things happen but know that the other person is trying too. Learn from these instances and keep moving forward but don't be upset with yourself. You're a beautiful person for doing what you're doing to help another in their time of need like this.

@ BarbBroklyn and Sendhelp : Thank you for understanding and making me smile

Stick with us caregivers here on AgingCare, we will help you find your lost temper.


We ALL lose our tempers. Or break down and cry, or both. It is so sad and frustrating.

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