I am a caregiver for my mom, have been for 15 years, and I am absolutely exhausted. No family members will help and there are days I pray the good Lord take her home. I feel so guilty about this but her personality is changing for the worse and no matter what I try to do to brighten her day, or even entertain her, she gets so ornery and I find I lose my patience.
I had already taken care of a sibling that passed away and the last years with them was very similar to whats happening with mom. How do I continue on without having this stress wreak havoc on my physical body as well as emotionally?

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I pray daily for God to come take my mother out of her pain and misery and I have no feelings of guilt about it whatsoever. Wanting a better life for her of peace without pain and the confusion of dementia is wishing the best for her. Advanced old age is nobody's friend, let's face it.

At 98, your mother may be ready to move into a hospice house for care. If not, at least look into respite care for a week or two at a local Assisted Living community where she can stay while YOU get some well deserved R & R. In the meantime, stop trying to be her entertainment committee and focus on taking a hot bath and having a glass of wine instead. There are TWO lives of importance here, not just one. Don't get so lost in thinking only HER life and comfort matters, so does YOURS!

Good luck looming after yourself now!
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to lealonnie1

You didn't mention dementia, so assuming ornery is just part of her personality. Sometimes I just turn it around and say, when you say things like that it hurts my feelings. Or, I will not play the mean game with you. Or, I'm doing the absolute best that I can do - if you know someone else that would make you happier, please tell me who. Usually gets her thinking about how something sounded when she said it and things tone down a while.

I try to understand how it must weigh on your mind that you can no longer do the things you used to do, have to depend on someone to do the simplest of tasks for you, and life becomes so limited. With that said, ornery behavior can be most aggravating and hard to deal with on a daily basis.
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Reply to my2cents

After being a caregiver for many, many years for my husband, I can tell you that the most important thing I learned along my caregiving journey, was to make sure that I was taking care of myself too. That means you're taking time away to be with friends, walking around your neighborhood, going shopping, to church, or whatever else you enjoy doing. And yes you may have to use some of moms money to hire some outside help to come in so you can get away, but it will be worth every penny. You must allow yourself that time away, so you can rejuvenate your mind and soul.
And even though you are her caregiver, that doesn't mean that you have to keep her entertained all the time. At this point it's more important that you keep yourself entertained, for your sanity's sake. Being a caregiver is the hardest job anyone will ever have, so it's so very important that we don't let it get the best of us. I wish you peace and joy along this journey, and if all else fails, go out on the back porch and let out a BIG scream!!! You'd be amazed how much that will help you as well.
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Reply to funkygrandma59

You can start looking for Memory Care facilities.
You can contact Hospice and see if she would qualify. You would get equipment anything from a hospital bed, Hoyer Lift, wheelchair.., that will make it easier to care for her. You will get supplies you need, medications. You will also have a Nurse that will visit at least 1 time a week, a CNA that will come at least 2 times a week, more if needed. A Social Worker, Chaplain and if your Hospice is allowing it a Volunteer can be scheduled to give you a break.
You can also hire (mom pays from her assets) caregivers that will come in and help out. You can have them come in as often as you need. Anything from 4 , 5 or more hours one day a week to having someone come in daily. It all depends on what YOU need and how much your mom can afford.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to Grandma1954

So sorry for all your stress. It is hard to not be appreciated for all you do. My advice is STOP.. Quit trying to entertain her or brighten her day. Its obvious she doesn't appreciate or want it. Make sure she has her meds, her meals and clean undies and leave. Remember, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over nd over and expecting different results.. Sending you a giant virtual hug!!

PS. Dont feel guilty about wishing her on her way to the angels. As long as you don't do anything to hurry her along you don't have anything to feel guilty about.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to Maple3044

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