...and people giving me the encouragement to keep going. I am really sorry if I have done something wrong. Briefly, I talked to my mom and she is reliving the passing of my brother who died 51 years ago at the age of 9. Then she said she has lost two sons. I don’t know what to say to her. Especially this year with my living brother out of our lives. I just pray that there is still hope. I lot of other things have happened on this date. 22 years ago I was supposed to have a quick four hour surgery but it was 13 hours and it changed my life forever. I just accepted that this was my new normal. I dont have children do to this surgery so I can’t imagine what it’s like for my mom. I want to make it better for her i just don’t know how. Again please accept my apologies if I have done something wrong. I really love this forum. You have given me strength and love when I thought I wouldn’t be able to go on.

SB, sorry that I haven't contacted you the past few weeks.  Thanksgiving and Christmas were extremely hard for me as they were the first holidays after Mom's death.  (Mom died unexpectedly at age 87 on September 17, 2018.)  My parents' house, and then after Dad died in 2007, our house (Mom's and mine) were "Holiday Central" for Thanksgiving and Christmas.  In 2018, my brother and his family did come to our house for Thanksgiving, but no one came at Christmas time because his son's wife was expecting a baby in January 2019 and could not travel.  And I could not drive the 5+ hours by myself to celebrate Christmas at my nephew's house in another state because I had recently been diagnosed with a cyst?/tumor? in my femur and was undergoing tests--the cyst? is benign.

I have been thinking of you and whether the holidays were hard on you.  I will try to read your recent postings sometime in the next couple of weeks.  {{{HUGS}}}

On a positive note, my nephew's wife had a baby girl on January 11th, 8+ lbs., 21 inches long, (and looks like my nephew).

tha you for your kind words and support. I love the fact we can all relate to some part of caring for our parents or any loved one. We are like our own family. No one who hasn’t gone through what we are dealing with understands. I love you all and again thank you.

Well heck. Here's my two cents. I was reading for the longest before I wrote anything. And when I did write something? The helpful things people said were incredible. Guessing I may have offended some people? Hope not, because that would never be my intention. I'm not sure about the changes on the site. Don't really worry about that tho. And, please, don't take things personally!!! Just keep writing and being you! There are people here that are there for you!!!

The internet is a strange place........don't feel like you've done something 'wrong'........just keep posting questions & answering questions, and you'll be back in the swing of things in no time :)

I truly think our power to make life easier for our mom's is impossible. I mean, sure, we can give them a hug & a kiss, and plenty of conversation, etc, but when it comes down to it, nobody can 'fix' a situation for another. Especially in the case of grief over losing a son, and thinking it's TWO! That's terrible. Just offer her your condolences & change the subject. Correcting someone with dementia or general forgetfulness doesn't normally work. They get a thought stuck in their heads like CEMENT and a bulldozer can't get rid of it. I just agree with whatever my mother says *or I TRY to* and then change the subject. There's more power in distraction than anything else!!

All the best to you, you have a lot on your plate.

Staffbull18, some of us regular writers took time off when the website changed over to a new format. I know I was away for awhile because I just couldn't figure out the new style. Then I got word that the website was now back to being more similar to what we have had, so I dove back into the pool.

I've tried to get some others who were regulars to come back to the forums, but they had moved on to other things in their lives that are keeping them busy.

Regarding your Mom, I would just agree with her, then try to distract her to think of something else. We need to remember, our elders aren't experiencing anything new in their lives, so some tend to dwell on old history.

Keep asking questions! That keeps you at the top of all the postings, and no - it isn't being silly. You haven't done anything wrong. (It is just how forums work... there should be a category listed as urgent support needs or something.)

It is normal for persons to grieve the loss of loved ones when that season or date comes around every year. I cannot imagine losing a child at the age of nine. If she says that she lost two sons... perhaps that is OK for her to think that. Offer your sympathy and just say, " I know mom... it is challenging." You needn't say anything more. Having you acknowledge her sadness and pain is often enough.

For yourself, having someone to acknowledge and hear your pain is important, too. Being awakened to 'your new normal' is a very brave way to view what happened to you. Bravo to you. It sounds like a challenging time of year for you - and good for you to reach out on this forum. That is courage. Walking despite feeling afraid. There are so many people who will not do what you are doing.

I will try to keep a watch out for your posts! I just followed you. Thank you for sharing ~

Hi, Staffbull! You know, I was wondering why I hadn't seen any messages from you recently. I wonder if maybe the timing of them for some weird reason was causing some people not to see them? A computer issue of some kind?

Anyway, I am sure you haven't done anything wrong. I look forward to your posts as I see you as a great encouragement to keep going, to persevere through hardships. I admire your strength!

I am sorry to hear that your mom is reliving the trauma of losing a child. How horrible for her, and for her family. You and she have my prayers.

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