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I haven't posted much in a while but I am a lone caregiver. My parents are now in memory care. Pretty much all my family (3 siblings) and all my mom's siblings and cousins have pretty much turned their backs on me and my parents.


Well... I know I shouldn't look at facebook.. but I just cant keep myself from doing it ... Anyway my sister (who hasn't spoken to me or checked on my mom and dad in about a year... is starting to post on facebook.. praying for distant cousins about this and that.. saying happy birthday to distant relatives who she hasn't communicated with in years.. all the while let my birthday go by with nothing... and my mom's and my dad's.


I just can't control the anger from this.. and to stop thinking about how fake she is.. pretending to the rest of the "family" that she is this caring person.. and.. they are buying it..I guess its easy to be "loving" to people who don't really need it.


I shouldn't be looking at facebook, and I shouldn't let this bother me.. but it does.. sure wish these losers didn't still have such an affect on my life.


Just don't get how you can turn your back on your sister and parents (who you seemingly used to care for).. and have the gall to post about "pray for my brother because he lives near the hurricane ".. my brother who she hasn't seen in over 10 years.


This is just a vent.. I need a punching bag with her fake face on it!!! I hope someday she is alone and needs support and signs on to facebook and sees something equally as fake and disgusting!@!!~

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I have a son like this and husbands family
my husbands own mother won’t even FaceTime him because “I don’t want to look at him. It will be too upsetting for me”. Well guess. How that’s making your little boy feel? She will not speak to me at all nor do his two brothers now that I no longer have to be endured. It makes me feel angry at these behaviours but I have resolved to just forget about them as they are a waste of space

you should do the same. It’s hard but once you just see them as nothing it gets easier. Imagine writing their names on a blackboard and then wiping them off until their name.has vanished
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Well heck. Similar situation here but phone calls made by my sister instead of Facebook. Oh, the things extended family believe, while my niece and I are struggling along to take care of Mom. I say? Delete the Facebook. Apologies to Facebook fans. But if it hurts instead of helps? Let it go. Other people's opinions are none of our business anyway.
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Be kind. If you are strong then be kind to the weak, they don’t know better. If they did, they wouldn’t be weak.
Those on a higher level of ability can always dial it down to tend to those less fortunate.
This is how you learn a lot more than you usually do. Your environment is is sphere around you, never ignore it because you will miss a lot.
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katiekay: Did you know that the creator of Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg actually created it to be addictive? I, too, have been hurt by relatives who are celebrating another relative's birthday, but haven't got the courtesy to wish me a happy birthday. I let it go, else it eats at me and I don't have the time nor energy at my age to worry about people's mean-spirited Facebook posts. And you know what? People put up "fake" Facebook accounts! I know one woman (not so right in the head) who has 27 Facebook accounts! Let it go and come on here for comfort. God bless you.
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My Dh is addicted to Facebook. Literally. He sits at the dinner table wiht the phone right at hand..fingers twitching until he is released from the purgatory of 15 minutes of conversation with me.

Then it's Facebook all night for the rest of the night.

And I am the one who set up his acct, thinking he might get a kick out of it.

I refer to it as Fake Book. All things to be taken with a chunk of salt.
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WOW you just described my journey as a caregiver. My sister pretended she was actually looking out and protecting my Mom from me as her lone caregiver. She said I stole her money, and actually called social services while my Mom's was passing away. So it is no point in allowing their deception to be your reality. FB and social media is a place where people can lie and deceive. For my sister, she called family frequently, and they actually believed her until my Mom passed and now they cannot even talk to me and I do not talk to them because they did it and have to live with themselves and I have PEACE knowing the TRUTH as to how I cared for my mother, so ignore stupid and make sure you and your parents are ok because in the end, that will be all that matters. And get off of social media and find your PEACE knowing you did the right thing.
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To me, FB is Jr High all over again. A place I never want to go back to.
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InMyShoes: I am sorry that your brother posted on a social media platform about his failing health. That said, perhaps he secured his account and/or posted to persons HE designated. It is still hurtful~I get it!
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Where you should post. There is a site called CaringBridge.org
(Do not confuse by adding an s or .com)
You can post how your LO is doing, photos, pleasent past memories, a diary, by you or LO. You control access. There are other pages for requests for help, a calendar to coordinate help, rides, shopping, visitors.
Maybe you can get a friend or member of volunteer group to set it up. I don't think it has a page to request money, but you can list items needed, and people with access can buy them for you. Again, you control who can see each level.
It was a great help to my Aunt as she fought cancer, and for her friends. It created a way for friends, church members....you can allow access to members of a church you are not a member of, Volunteer groups.
Most schools and many private colleges require a minimum of volunteer hours. It looks good on college applications and job applications. So let people looking to help someone, on their time schedule, plug themselves in. It also allows backup people to be listed. So if person who is supposed to help today, can't, or is a no show, you backup person is on the calendar. It is a great tool!

Think outside the box! A photographer did a photo study of my Grandma. It was part of the his Master's project, but amatures may also be interested. He spent hours visiting, interviewing her, working on puzzles together, or taking pictures when Grandpa did puzzles with her.
This rapport allowed GP to take a break, grabs nap, run to the store, or do his hobby. That really helped his Mental Health!
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I don't know why so many people need to post so much on Facebook. I just found out from Facebook that my brother has congestive heart failure. Why would he post it on Facebook before telling his family?
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Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, Snapchat, Facetime= who can or wants to keep up with it? I know one person with a total of 27 Facebook accounts. I have to say--didn't we all get by just fine without all of those time wasters?
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Hello Katie,

we do feel your pain and isolation..... you can ease both on this site as so many of us have experienced what your going through....

My grumpy old pa died last year and I miss him so much.... I do not miss the two faced hypocrites .... my sisters!

when our dad was drawing his last breath.... my sister was ten minutes away and said ‘I’m in the middle of a shampoo and set, I’ll be there later’...

Yes .... too late.... but was first in the que to receive her share of inheritance.

Stay strong Katie xx
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I am so sorry and I completely understand. I was in similar situation. I watched my Mother’s married grandchildren post about great grandparents and grandparents within their families, but never call, visit or send a card or acknowledge my mother (their grandmother) at all. For years. All while I was lonely sole caregiver to my bedridden Mother. I have 4 sisters and now I say I “had” 4 sisters. One sister lives 10 minutes away and didn’t see Mom for well over a year until the viewing. It is painful to see true colors come through. I too bore witness to the fake personas they present to others. It is vile and sickening. Now I choose to never engage with any of them ever again. Had to walk away. Realized, by doing that, I lost nothing. Gained by it. Surrounded now by loving, caring people who I share mutual respect with. Family should be there through the good and bad times. When they aren’t, you need to remember it and know to not think they can be counted on in the future. Consequences of abandonment. Best wishes to you and do your best to find strength and set your boundaries with them.
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I have to admit I have never had FB acct and never will. I think FB would be good for a business, but for personal use...I see it hurting people more than helping. As social media gets bigger the more our humanity declines. We are hardwire to interact with eachother, we need human contact, hugs, touching, face-to-face contact. As someone stated "social media has messed this world up". (I won't use their colorful words, but you get my point!)
I would close the FB acct. As another person stated "the whole thing of following and the likes is childish" and it is. Why put yourself through something so hurtful when you are already dealing with so much grief. And really, we all are on this site! We lose our family (as a whole as well as individully) because of a disease that has no rym or reason to it. We lose people we love or we end up taking care of people who should have loved us but didn't. We lose ourselves. Our world becomes so different that we don't even understant it any more. You have enough grief to deal with.
And like so many of you, I have a brother who I have never gotten along with, but for everything my mother has done for him he will only help her if she pays him, and he was like that with my dad as well.

I believe people reap what they sow! In my experience I have seen it. One day your sister will come to realize that she missed out the last few years she could of had with your parents but didn't! And there will be a time when she will need help or compassion, and no one will be there. Call it the laws of the universe if you will. I don't even understant why this happens, it just does.

She will need you someday or perhaps need someone and you won't be there for whatever reason, she'll have to feel the pain. Don't waste your time and energy on her. Believe me it is not worth it, and I speak on experience. I have wasted so much of my time and energy on getting mad over what people have said, and things that I had no control over and they wasn't even worth it. Because at the end all we have is God, ourselves, and if we're lucky a few people that love us for us. As some many have said, "take care of you & enjoy your life"

May God help you through your difficult time. God bless you.
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At the time, I didn’t have a FB account. One niece asked me if so-and-so niece just helped me with grandma (my mom). I said no. Seems this so-and-so niece (plus her parents) convey to people that they’re helping me with my bedridden mom and dad. Yet they don’t 100%. It worked. When my parents passed away, people praised them for taking very good care of mom and then dad. Most people looked at me blankly when my other siblings corrected them by saying I was their caregiver.

It is a bitter experience. For your sanity, I’d recommend either unfriend them or do the option to hide their posts. If you unfriend them, they will know. If you hide their posts, they won’t know.
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Glad, yes this is social media but it is anonymous. So you won't have family members trying to taunt you with all their glamorous news, i.e. holidays etc.

Sure, complete strangers on this site could brag and some do but it doesn't sting as much when it's a stranger, at least that's my opinion.

Don't get me wrong. Sometimes social media can be helpful. The information highway so to speak. You can look stuff up and sometimes people can set up GoFundme pages to solicit help, which is nice if it's legit.
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Oh hon, I have a brother and many cousins like yours. I chose to open up a new Facebook page and only let "my friends" into. It is so darn hard to read all that BS knowing they just are trying to be blind to what is happening. It is called denial, the elephant in the living room, please do not take it to heart. Not worth it. My beautiful Mom taught me this, she was not the one with dementia but lost her life on earth to soon for me. Hugs to you my friend If you open a new Facebook let me know ❤️
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Isn't AC social media too?
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First of all I'd like to say that I think social media, not just F B is one of the reasons the world is so F**ked up. People have forgotten how to talk face to face. Social graces are out the window. People who are introverted somehow feel like they have lots of friends (people they don't really know) and don't pursue getting out and making real friends. It's unhealthy I M O.

F B is just one problem. There's instagram, twitter, cloud, snapchat, you name it.

I was a F B member for about a year. The reason I quit was A: my one sister spent her time ranting about Donald Trump ad nauseum. B: an old boyfriend (actually not even a boyfriend) just this random guy who I dated a couple of times, contacted me and actually thought I'd still be interested 30 years later. I was actually insulted to be honest.

As far as people bragging. People who brag are usually insecure and need to project that they are having such a great life cause they are probably really not having such a great life. They are trying to convince themselves actually.

And just remember too, that anyone can post anything. It doesn't mean it's actually true.
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Zuckerberg created Facebook as an addiction and that is has become for many. And to some extent Facebook is akin to "fake news." Sure, that is hurtful what they post about you so do not engage in acrimony.
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Katiekay
im so sorry to hear the reason behind your siblings behavior. That is awful and really sad they don’t have any sense of humanity. Set your boundaries that are in YOUR best interest. If that means deleting her on FB, then do it. You will not miss seeing her posts. In the Bible there is a piece about Jesus saying how the Jewish Pharisees did what they did to show off how devout they were when indeed it was to impress others. Matthew 23:5. Sounds a bit like her behavior. Also Matthew 6:1. Not a Christian life when your actions don’t match.
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There have been all kinds of studies that say social media can cause depression. I had the same problem when dealing with my family on Facebook except the situation was reversed. My family actually unfriended me because they don't think I've done my fair share. Of course, it's not true. I stopped constantly defending myself and just realized they are never going to change. I was about to get off of Facebook entirely because I saw how fake it was … until a friend suggested I stay on it and find others who have the same interests as I do. I'm having a great time now. I don't even think about my lying family anymore. But some more advice is to let the anger go with your sister/family because it is only hurting you. People will continue to have a high opinion of themselves that is not based in reality. The only one who is getting hurt by this is you. Don't waste your time anymore. Focus on the things you enjoy in life. Been there, and wish you the best.
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I suggest you keep your FB because it's a way for you to have contact with the world. FB isn't really the problem. My sister doesn't have FB, and I feel that same resentment and anger when I hear of her discussing our mother when in reality, my sister chose no contact with our mom. It enrages me. As time passes, I'm better. I care about my sister and wish her well. Please look at the advice above from ConnieMH71. I am trying to not visit every day. Please continue to come to this safe site and vent. Venting, expressing your real feelings, necessary part to your mental health.
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FaceBook is not necessary to live your life. I got teased for deactivating my account but soon realized those “friends” don’t communicate with me any other way. I have a handful of friends and family members ranging four decades in age that also do not use it. We communicate by telephone, text and yes, sorry to the environment - cards. We can laugh, cry and vent the true details and not broadcast it to the world. All of us are dealing with similar situations. Ignore your sister. She is just looking for any attention she can get. Focus on you and what you need to cope. Deactivating Facebook was like finally getting rid of acne.
Best wishes to you
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Get off of Facebook. It can sometimes create great anger and jealousy among friends and family, and cause many people to become depressed.
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Oh, I feel your pain. Let me share my advice and my story.
When it comes to FB and distant relatives, let it be. If she is sharing untruths to friends or family members, reach out to them directly. Say how you wish she would be more involved, or at least I contact!
First you need to reach out to her in kindnesd, at a level beyond what you feel she deserves. Do it repeatedly.
On FB, post about your Mom. Focus on her good days. Ask for prayers/support on her bad days. You don't have to be specific. Just say if there has been a new development, a concerning change..
Post some photos of your good days. Get Mom's permission!

As Michelle O'Bama said, " When they go low, we go high."
Maya Angelou said, "When people show you who they really are, Believe Them."

Your sister may be trying to fool herself. Or be trying to build new bridges, because she has burned so many.
My family fell apart when my father died. The sister with POA is a control freaks. She actually believed she had the legal authority to say who could be in the state of AZ ( Dad was a snowbird), & who had to return to the Midwest, and when! I had to pay $1,000 to an attorney to get copies of Trust documents after he died. She had the copies made and printed when we were all in AZ.

When I would not leave when she had to return to work, she locked me out of the house and had my stuff packed and put on the back patio. Leaving me homeless, out of state, because she was concerned about my being unemployed at the time. Yeah...that makes sense.

She lied to and manipulated family & friends. Five years later I got critically ill. It happened days before a family reunion. Oh, my sister's were so very concerned I front of family, but the only get well card I got from them were 2 group cards.
No visits, no offers of help, not even another card. Once a year she would call. She would ask about me and the kids. Then she would write her holiday letter as if everything was great and we talked all the time. This continued for years. Slowly I let family and friends know the truth. I tried to reach out to her, and my other sister, who was even more distant. When years of doing so made no change, word apparently got back to her that no one was buying her lies. I stopped getting the annual calls.
Years later, when that daughter got married, she pressured her not to invite me and told her not to put anything about the wedding on FB, so I wouldn't find out. The Bride & Groom paid for the wedding, but she feared her mother's rath would spoil it, if she didn't do as told.
Then she went to the table my son's we're at and said, so many could hear, " I am so sorry your mother couldn't make it." My sons had the class to say absolutely nothing in response.
Now, my brother, invited us all to visit their forever home they are building out west. His invitation said, "Let's get the gang back together!" He made it very clear he wanted an event focused on ending this rediculous behavior!
They would pay for our airfare. One sister lives 20 minutes from the airport. I was willing to drive 3-4 hours to fly out of the major city airport, rather than have them pay the extra cost of my flying from here.
The sister I asked didn't respond. The other, wrote back, speaking for everyone, she was sure! Telling me I was not welcome & to get a hotel and cheap parking. (I now use a wheelchair or walker most of the time).
I didn't expect a Yes from either of them, even though we were all on the same flight. I just needed to be able to say I asked and was refused before asking other friends.
I live off SS. I am doing this to save my brother 1/2 the cost on airfare. They don't care. They are looking for any way to exclude me.
Then building delays caused them to reschedule the event till next spring.
So that sister wrote suggesting that they set up individual visits, to make it easier for my brother. She definitely wanted to nix the "Getting the Gang (siblings) back together" idea!
Our father died in 2002.
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Enshope said it very well. I’m going to tell you what I needed to hear to help set new boundaries to keep myself going.
Remember, you are drained emotionally and physically, and that can be a big part of why your reactions to your sisters Facebook comments are annoying you so much. I won’t tell you to block your siblings, that would be vengeful in my book, but you don’t need to read them if you don’t want to. And, you DO NOT need to visit your parents everyday!! That’s the high standard you’ve set for yourself and you are not giving yourself time to relax and breath. You need it and it’s a good, smart thing to do! If you do allow yourself time off you will be amazed at the relief it will give you. On the days I didn’t visit my mother she actually interacted more with others. She was safe, taken care of and not alone. Don’t build walls with resentment and hurt between family that will be hard to take down and will take years to mend. Your parents would not want that I’m sure. Your parents will not be here for much longer, but the rest of your family will be and you may end up being very lonely.
Can you talk to your siblings and just give a cheery “Just wanted to call and see how you’re doing and fill you in on how mom and dad are at the moment.” That may definitely help crack open a new door of communication and it’s taking the high road to take.
Don’t try to get even, it’s not what your siblings are doing and saying as much as it is how you react. Give yourself a break!! This site is the perfect place to vent and we’ve all needed it over and over again.
Enjoy a meal out with friends just to have fun and laugh together. Don’t talk about your parents or family problems, just have fun.
May God give you peace and guidance for each new day.
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If you can use Facebook for any kind of emotional respite or window to the outside world, continue to use it. As others have said, if it is just making you miserable, take a break or whatever. You can either unfollow your sister or put her on a 30-day snooze/time out too. I have a very political cousin who I continue to snooze every time the 30 days expire but haven't gone so far as to unfollow him. People like to feel good about themselves and your sister will probably never have the self-awareness to see how shallow her behavior is. I'm sorry.
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Vent away! Go outside and scream profanities at her! Or go for a walk.
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I can emphasize totally. I have a brother who has been supported his whole life and his wife and kids now are part of the money drain. Mom thinks they are all wonderful and they live off her, owning businesses bought by her, going on vacations paid for by her, golfing, etc. I quit Facebook for that reason, sick of seeing how the "other half lives" while I pinch pennies, care for Mom, and live as her unpaid caregiver so she can stay in her home.
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