Hitting a low point. I shouldn't look at Facebook.


I haven't posted much in a while but I am a lone caregiver. My parents are now in memory care. Pretty much all my family (3 siblings) and all my mom's siblings and cousins have pretty much turned their backs on me and my parents.

Well... I know I shouldn't look at facebook.. but I just cant keep myself from doing it ... Anyway my sister (who hasn't spoken to me or checked on my mom and dad in about a year... is starting to post on facebook.. praying for distant cousins about this and that.. saying happy birthday to distant relatives who she hasn't communicated with in years.. all the while let my birthday go by with nothing... and my mom's and my dad's.

I just can't control the anger from this.. and to stop thinking about how fake she is.. pretending to the rest of the "family" that she is this caring person.. and.. they are buying it..I guess its easy to be "loving" to people who don't really need it.

I shouldn't be looking at facebook, and I shouldn't let this bother me.. but it does.. sure wish these losers didn't still have such an affect on my life.

Just don't get how you can turn your back on your sister and parents (who you seemingly used to care for).. and have the gall to post about "pray for my brother because he lives near the hurricane ".. my brother who she hasn't seen in over 10 years.

This is just a vent.. I need a punching bag with her fake face on it!!! I hope someday she is alone and needs support and signs on to facebook and sees something equally as fake and disgusting!@!!~

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InMyShoes: I am sorry that your brother posted on a social media platform about his failing health. That said, perhaps he secured his account and/or posted to persons HE designated. It is still hurtful~I get it!

Where you should post. There is a site called CaringBridge.org
(Do not confuse by adding an s or .com)
You can post how your LO is doing, photos, pleasent past memories, a diary, by you or LO. You control access. There are other pages for requests for help, a calendar to coordinate help, rides, shopping, visitors.
Maybe you can get a friend or member of volunteer group to set it up. I don't think it has a page to request money, but you can list items needed, and people with access can buy them for you. Again, you control who can see each level.
It was a great help to my Aunt as she fought cancer, and for her friends. It created a way for friends, church members....you can allow access to members of a church you are not a member of, Volunteer groups.
Most schools and many private colleges require a minimum of volunteer hours. It looks good on college applications and job applications. So let people looking to help someone, on their time schedule, plug themselves in. It also allows backup people to be listed. So if person who is supposed to help today, can't, or is a no show, you backup person is on the calendar. It is a great tool!

Think outside the box! A photographer did a photo study of my Grandma. It was part of the his Master's project, but amatures may also be interested. He spent hours visiting, interviewing her, working on puzzles together, or taking pictures when Grandpa did puzzles with her.
This rapport allowed GP to take a break, grabs nap, run to the store, or do his hobby. That really helped his Mental Health!

I don't know why so many people need to post so much on Facebook. I just found out from Facebook that my brother has congestive heart failure. Why would he post it on Facebook before telling his family?

Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, Snapchat, Facetime= who can or wants to keep up with it? I know one person with a total of 27 Facebook accounts. I have to say--didn't we all get by just fine without all of those time wasters?

Hello Katie,

we do feel your pain and isolation..... you can ease both on this site as so many of us have experienced what your going through....

My grumpy old pa died last year and I miss him so much.... I do not miss the two faced hypocrites .... my sisters!

when our dad was drawing his last breath.... my sister was ten minutes away and said ‘I’m in the middle of a shampoo and set, I’ll be there later’...

Yes .... too late.... but was first in the que to receive her share of inheritance.

Stay strong Katie xx

I am so sorry and I completely understand. I was in similar situation. I watched my Mother’s married grandchildren post about great grandparents and grandparents within their families, but never call, visit or send a card or acknowledge my mother (their grandmother) at all. For years. All while I was lonely sole caregiver to my bedridden Mother. I have 4 sisters and now I say I “had” 4 sisters. One sister lives 10 minutes away and didn’t see Mom for well over a year until the viewing. It is painful to see true colors come through. I too bore witness to the fake personas they present to others. It is vile and sickening. Now I choose to never engage with any of them ever again. Had to walk away. Realized, by doing that, I lost nothing. Gained by it. Surrounded now by loving, caring people who I share mutual respect with. Family should be there through the good and bad times. When they aren’t, you need to remember it and know to not think they can be counted on in the future. Consequences of abandonment. Best wishes to you and do your best to find strength and set your boundaries with them.

I have to admit I have never had FB acct and never will. I think FB would be good for a business, but for personal use...I see it hurting people more than helping. As social media gets bigger the more our humanity declines. We are hardwire to interact with eachother, we need human contact, hugs, touching, face-to-face contact. As someone stated "social media has messed this world up". (I won't use their colorful words, but you get my point!)
I would close the FB acct. As another person stated "the whole thing of following and the likes is childish" and it is. Why put yourself through something so hurtful when you are already dealing with so much grief. And really, we all are on this site! We lose our family (as a whole as well as individully) because of a disease that has no rym or reason to it. We lose people we love or we end up taking care of people who should have loved us but didn't. We lose ourselves. Our world becomes so different that we don't even understant it any more. You have enough grief to deal with.
And like so many of you, I have a brother who I have never gotten along with, but for everything my mother has done for him he will only help her if she pays him, and he was like that with my dad as well.

I believe people reap what they sow! In my experience I have seen it. One day your sister will come to realize that she missed out the last few years she could of had with your parents but didn't! And there will be a time when she will need help or compassion, and no one will be there. Call it the laws of the universe if you will. I don't even understant why this happens, it just does.

She will need you someday or perhaps need someone and you won't be there for whatever reason, she'll have to feel the pain. Don't waste your time and energy on her. Believe me it is not worth it, and I speak on experience. I have wasted so much of my time and energy on getting mad over what people have said, and things that I had no control over and they wasn't even worth it. Because at the end all we have is God, ourselves, and if we're lucky a few people that love us for us. As some many have said, "take care of you & enjoy your life"

May God help you through your difficult time. God bless you.

At the time, I didn’t have a FB account. One niece asked me if so-and-so niece just helped me with grandma (my mom). I said no. Seems this so-and-so niece (plus her parents) convey to people that they’re helping me with my bedridden mom and dad. Yet they don’t 100%. It worked. When my parents passed away, people praised them for taking very good care of mom and then dad. Most people looked at me blankly when my other siblings corrected them by saying I was their caregiver.

It is a bitter experience. For your sanity, I’d recommend either unfriend them or do the option to hide their posts. If you unfriend them, they will know. If you hide their posts, they won’t know.

Glad, yes this is social media but it is anonymous. So you won't have family members trying to taunt you with all their glamorous news, i.e. holidays etc.

Sure, complete strangers on this site could brag and some do but it doesn't sting as much when it's a stranger, at least that's my opinion.

Don't get me wrong. Sometimes social media can be helpful. The information highway so to speak. You can look stuff up and sometimes people can set up GoFundme pages to solicit help, which is nice if it's legit.

Oh hon, I have a brother and many cousins like yours. I chose to open up a new Facebook page and only let "my friends" into. It is so darn hard to read all that BS knowing they just are trying to be blind to what is happening. It is called denial, the elephant in the living room, please do not take it to heart. Not worth it. My beautiful Mom taught me this, she was not the one with dementia but lost her life on earth to soon for me. Hugs to you my friend If you open a new Facebook let me know ❤️

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