I feel caught in a whirlwind, mom in a care home fighting hard to get out. I work full-time and have other family obligations. Mom does not accept having cognitive limitations which in her case are major (memory loss, paranoia, anxiety and delusions) she resents myself and her caretaker accusing us of trying take over her life.

Last week consisted of contact from either mom, or caretaker about her bizarre behavior which included refusing to bathe and the big one sundowners not sleeping at night, wandering the house and disturbing other residents that were trying to sleep. Caretaker calling requesting talk to doctor about medication to help her sleep. If familiar with HMO coverage try getting quick response from a doctor (impossible) and mom calling to complain about caretaker demanding I get her out of there forgetting about verbal abuse she’s been serving up. Finally able to get meds, drop them off at board and care.

Wake up this morning to cycle beginning again message from caretaker dosage not strong enough mom up all night again, and frantic calls from mom to contact her. Not a good day!

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I don't understand why the "caregiver" is calling you... don't facilities have on-staff nurses that deal with this? That's how it's been in both NHs my MIL has been in. I only get a call when the nurse needs us to make a decision or to inform us of something after the fact.

Alva deer thanks for sharing your thoughts, I was trying to keep mom in a care situation that would allow her some sense of independence because that’s so important to her, but I’m learning sometimes wants and needs conflict. If we can’t change situation with medication than we will be looking at more of a memory care/nursing home environment for her.

Sorry.Mom may be moving toward a more memory care type need. Not a lot you can do about that. Keep trying a while with the medication. I hope you will not for a second consider trying to take on the care of Mom yourself. Know that this is tough, and these things sometimes don't get better, but keep working on the medication angle for a bit.

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