This is my first post to the group so if anyone is reading this, thank you.
I needed to find someplace to vent. I usually do so with my friends but I don't want to risk burning them out so I searched for support groups and found my way here.
A little about myself. I'm in my mid-50's, my wife of 10 years passed away suddenly almost 3 years ago. At that time, my mom was already in the early stages of dementia but it wasn't too bad. After my wife died, mom was still doing okay. She lives alone but I was over a few days a week to take her shopping, out to eat, etc.
Last November, she fell and hit her head. She didn't require stitches or staples and nothing was broken. All her tests came back negative for stroke, etc. She seemed okay initially but a few days later, it was as though a "switch" was turned on and the dementia really kicked in.
My mom has always been "bitchy" but now she's worse than usual. Her gait and ambulation got worse. Mood swings are constant. I was lucky enough to find someone who mom knew, and liked, to help me watch her for a few hours a week. The caregiver watches mom 4 days a week for about 5-6 hours a day. On the other days, I am with mom. I go home and take a break for about 5 hours, then go back every night to make her dinner and make sure she gets in bed. I have a full-time job but thank God, I am able to work from home 3 days a week so those are the days I work from mom's house.
Basically, I work 40+ hours a week (I'm on call 24/7 with work) and take care of my mom every day. The two days I go in to the office are usually an escape of sorts but recent events at work are making for unpleasant days.
I go home to my dirty house, sit and just vegetate for a few hours because I can't bring myself to do much more than that. I'm mentally and physically exhausted. I don't like my mom (we were never close growing up and I moved out when I was 17) but I do love her and I don't want her life to be bad but I find myself in a horrible mood with her all the time.
I know I'm blaming her for all these negative changes in my life but I also know it's not her fault. My brother lives in Dallas, about 5 hours away, and he tries to come down once a month to give me a break but when he's here, he calls constantly with questions and to b*tch about how mom is driving HIM up the wall. I can't get away from it.
I'm not even done mourning the loss of my wife and the recent loss of my pets. Work sucks. Life sucks. I could b*tch more but I'll stop for now. I just needed someplace to release it all.