This site is supposed to be about the aging, correct?

Not.....about us.


Life expectancy.

1400’s through .....1940.

Is this site advertising “Give us your grievances?”



Who is benefiting if the elderly live longer than nature intended?

Who is it affecting?

Who cares?

My parents, aunts, uncles, never gave a thought to their parents.....they died, in their 50’s, 70’s.

This was “24” aunts and uncles.

My first experience upon questioning my cousins.....after 1975.....

Her mother needed help.

She told me she took her in.

Two weeks was all she could stand.

Her Mom went directly to a Nursing Home after that. 2019......we are monsters if we don’t take them in, provide A-Z, despite absent siblings, forget we raised our kids and feel, maybe, this is our time.

Everything, centers around financial......get help (what if you can’t afford it?), join a support group.....Maybe you are totally have endured too much.

Are you responsible for telling them to soak their feet, so you can cut their rock hard toenails that are now curling?

Are you washing all their laundry that has feces?

Are you criticized if you don’t spend 12 hours a day sitting with them?

I sincerely hope, some of these things resonate, make you realize.

And, it is on your mind, the only thing that will release me, is death.

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Those benefiting , who I am speaking of, PHARMACEUTICAL COMPANIES.....SHAME ON THEM.


Actually it is about aging CARE. And I guess it is the CARE that is keeping so many here. Whether for better or worse I leave to minds much better than my worse one.

Caregiving isn't for everyone and I know it's not for me. My family's immigrant/old world notion that each generation takes care of their elderly in their homes sounds nice but it butts up against many modern factors: most of the caregivers (women) now work (and many full-time), many have children later in life plus our seniors are living longer but not with better quality of life; seniors are living so long that their end years are defined by dementia or ALZ; there aren't as many siblings to help as family sizes shrink; divorce created many singles struggling to care for themselves; the cost of healthcare and nursing home care is massive; many parents "expect" family care without ever asking for participation or preparation; many hard-working people thought they saved up enough or not at all.

When I was in HS in the mid-70's a classmate was regularly called home to help hunt down her gramma who had dementia (or ALZ? not sure) as they were caring for her themselves but no one was home during the day. Gramma would pack her suitcase and leave and then all hell would break loose trying to find her (as she was in proximity to the train station that went into NYC). I can't imagine the stress of doing this for weeks and months and maybe years.

My FIL and his wife "had a plan" to retire many states away from literally all their siblings, kids and grandkids to a location without a close airport. When they finally moved there and realized none of their children were going to purchase 6 airplane tickets to a non-hub airport, rent a van, and use an entire week's vacation -- they eventually came to their senses and moved back. Each of their kids had at least 3 kids each. Air travel would be very expensive. Not that I have anything against the actual plan but it was built on an assumption that all the kids were going to make all the effort to go see them, when it would have been far more logical for them to come to us. In the end my FIL developed pancreatic cancer. I can't imagine how things would have gone had he been 1000 miles away from everyone during that time, with his spouse struggling to carry the burden by herself.

I always roll my eyes when my mother gets a senior community brochure that shows stock photos of smiling seniors riding bikes and who are clearly too "intact" to be in one of those places. No wonder people are shocked when they go and visit one and see who actually lives in them. Aging needs to stop being romanticized. I've never quite understood the expression "aging gracefully"...what does that actually mean? I think for me it means going into it without any expectations or assumptions. This way I won't be disappointed.

I believe it is every person's responsibility to go into their sunset years having actually thought about reality. It is every person's responsibility to have all their legal affairs in order and have worked out a realistic plan for themselves and then execute the plan early before dementia slips in. I can't understand why any parent (especially a mother) who cared for a parent themselves would wish it upon their own children. Not me. I've already informed our sons that we won't expect that from them, nor want them to pay for any of our care no matter what. My own 90-yr old mother lives next door to me. I'm an only child and she was always single. She has begun to tour different facilities and compare quality and prices. She gets to have a say in where she goes and her mind is preparing for this possible transition. This is how it should be and I'm so grateful to her doing it -- it feels like a gift.

I'm not sure what point you're trying to make here. But I will say one thing, my grandmother came to live with us when I was a small child back in 1957. She ruined my mother's life (her daughter) because they fought like cats & dogs. My mother could not STAND her, and blamed my father for 'forcing' her to have grandma come live with us. Well, she stayed for 25 years, believe it or not, as she was a pretty young woman when the whole debacle began. Based on the horrendous relationship I witnessed between my mother & her mother, and the trauma I suffered as a result of that relationship, I vowed NEVER to take an elder into my home as an adult. And I haven't. And won't. Those people who think it's the 'right thing to do' probably don't take into account stories like mine, about young children who witness horrible relationships and are forever scarred as a result, right? The toll this type of care giving takes on a person or a family is absolutely astonishing. My mother wound up moving away and sending grandma to another state where her 2 sisters lived, figuring it was their turn to shoulder the burden. After 1 year, they put grandma in a Medicaid nursing home, where she died a few years later, at 91 years of age. After living with family members for 40 years. FORTY YEARS! It's not something brand new that parents move in with their's been done in the past, I'm afraid, and it will continue to be an 'expected' thing in the future for many people.

Anyway, I'm rambling. I think the medical industry prospers as a result of our elders lives being extended to 100+ years old. And OUR lives suffer as caregivers, whether they're in our homes or in facilities, it's all hard, it's all expensive, and it's all exhausting. My mother is 92.5 and going strong, living in memory care, and running out of money as I type. That will leave me to apply for Medicaid so she can be moved into a Skilled Nursing Facility, which I'm dreading. The application process, that is. I'm an only child and had to move both parents here in 2011; Dad passed in 2015 and mother is even happier w/o him. Sigh.

I hope you can find some peace, my friend. Sending you a hug.

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