What do you do when your loved one keeps saying they're going to get better and beat this?


If you don't know my story my 90 yr old mom had a very bad stroke about 5 months ago. She can't walk w/out assistance, can't stand any length of time w/out the walker. She is confined to her room but does sit in her wheelchair outside in the front, or in her garden in the back yard. Shes basically on 24 hr care.

Lately she keeps saying "I'm gonna beat this", or "when I get better".

Now I've read your stories and our elder can out live us, as some thought it would be short term care yet has lasted years.

What brings this on and what are some of the things you say to encourage this. I just agree and tell her how far she's come along and how I want to help her improve even more. It is hard though when you can hardly understand what she is saying, or watching her lay in the bed, especially when she keeps repeating and asking the same things over and over again.

What are some of the things you say family?

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Personally, I believe that there is nothing more beautiful than hope in the human spirit. Matters not whether a person is 90, or at the end of his or her life, at least to me. More power to your Mom for having a fighting spirit. Think about the alternative, if you will. The alternative is no hope. In addition to declining health, restricted body movement, advancing age, and more, would you really want your Mom to be without hope? That would be a pretty dismal place for her to be. She may get there soon enough. Until then, allow her hope to shine, her spirit to keep reaching upward now that her body has failed her. That is an absolutely touching story and tribute to your Mom's spirit, in my opinion. Reminds me that chronic diseases do not define us unless we allow our spirits to crumble under the weight.

If you don't want to offer false hope, you don't have to say any words. You could touch her face, and smile with her and tell her how proud you are of her for having such a positive spirit.

May God continue to bless your Mom's spirit with her hope that rises above her circumstances. I understand why it may be hard for you to hear and watch, though. Hugs to you, pamela.

Your Mom's faith may be her spirit's daily prayer. Who knows? Either way, it is nothing short of remarkable to me that she is still clinging to life with tenacity against all odds.
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I have to agree with Ed, here. It may be hard for you, but hope may be the only thing she still has going for her. Maybe it's her way of tell you that she's trying hard not to be a burden for you... What she may really mean to say is "Thank you for all your help! Your love and care makes me feel like things will be ok."
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you heard edvierajr, pamela, its a sign!!! wind in her sails!! keeping that hope alive in your mom(and on sailing off with us lol) WILL give your mom a more fulfilling life.. without it.. theres nothing to look forward to..
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Cheer her on , Pamela. It's so tough I know but I do that with my mom and tell how much stronger she's getting and that she's looking good!

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At least she is being positive my mom is doing the opposite being negative.
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A Puerto Rican writer, Abelardo Diaz Alfaro, once wrote: "Nunca mates la flor the una esperanza cuando de la vida solo quedan ruinas". The best translation I can come up with is "Don't kill the budding flower of hope when life seems to be nothing but ruins."

She's fighting for survival, and she has faith (hope) that things will get better. Try being the wind in her sails, no matter how short the voyage might be. Wish you the best.

-- ED
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