"Your not the only cold you know", says my sister.....

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So dad is slated for knee surgery on Monday, he wants my sister the nurse to come here seven hours away so he can feel comfortable being in the hospital. I told him it wasn't necessary as she is busy and he told her I was pissed off she was coming. She called we spoke I told herit was only need surgery she didn't really need to be here but she wants to. She reminded me I am not the only child in the family. But I am the one who move dad into my house, I am the one to take care of all the finances all the day-to-day operations doctor visits everything else. I get no help from my siblings, but yet when dad wines to my sister she comes to his rescue on the phone course and I look like the bad guy. When he decided to have his knee replaced I took the Toughlove approach and made him make all his own decisions and appointments. I refuse to be my mother and do everything for him which mom did. My sister called him once a week I deal with him day-to-day I gave up 25% of my house for him to live in and have not asked for anything in return Norwill lie. My sister seems to think she can do it better than I. Fine and if she wants to try taking dad home and all of his stuff fine by me, I have stepped out of my way to bend over backwards to do everything needed but yet I still look like the bad child. I am not looking forward to having my sister here in my house for four days while dad's in the hospital, of course she offered to stay in a hotel which being family I would not allow. We were never really close as children which is fine but I am always looked at as the baby that doesn't know anything but yet I was the one left to handle all of mom and dad's affairs move dad open my house and take care of everything while the others just walked away. She will swoop in as the nurse and attempt to tell me and everyone else how things should be done then leave and leave me with the day-to-day details and recovery, so do I just tell her fine take dad with you when you leave? I am just venting here but how do you deal with siblings that live out of the area and don't offer any other assistance with the caregiver portion


Sorry my title was "you are not the only child"
Can you take advantage of your sister coming to town and let her take over as much as she wants? The more she does the less you have to do and then when she's gone you can go back to doing things the way you want to do them.

She will be spending a lot of time at the hospital and a hotel close by makes sense to me. We may spend a night with family or friends but never 4 days.
I have a friend who says "Both family and fish get old after 3 days". You will be miserable and stressed the entire she is with you. Unhealthy, physically and emotionally.

I agree, take advantage of the help being there. If you can take off for a few days, go and enjoy yourself. Why put yourself in the middle of a situation that will only upset you and not accomplish one thing!

Taking care of parents is not a competition, each does what they can. I am all for letting the ones that think they can do it all or do better have a go at it!
tgengine, I am sorry, but I have to say your reaction seems a little extreme. I don't see anything wrong with your sister coming while your dad is in the hospital. I think it quite normal that they want to be together. Your message made me feel that you have some jealousy and resentment, and that him wanting her there was like saying you weren't good enough. Maybe you need to think about why you might be feeling that way.

I think it is great your sister is coming. As you said, it is not easy for her. I hope that she will have a pleasant visit.
It sounds like your father doesn't trust the hospital, not that he doesn't trust you, so he wants a trained health care professional there that he does trust. One that can read the charts and know what all those blips on the screens mean and advocate for him. Don't get insulted or get your back up. Work together for the best interests of your father. You both love him.
Just what is your problem?

Why are you so indignantly opposed to your father receiving attention from another daughter?

Yes, you do the day-to-day work. You are the main caregiver. That is awesome. How does a visit of a few days detract from the credit you deserve?

What do you want your siblings to do to help out? Would you want Sis to take over the bill paying and finances, for example? Do you want them to come and give you some weekends off? You and Dad certainly both deserve some help from them. But that is a different issue, to be resolved another time. How much they do and do not help shouldn't be a factor in visiting a parent in the hospital.

Right now a sister is offering help within her skill set and at some inconvenience to herself. Dad wants the help. Having her in your house is uncomfortable to you. She offered to go to a motel. Wonderful! The only thing standing in the way of that is YOUR rule that family can't do that. I'm afraid you are looking like the bad guy here because you are acting like the bad guy here. (Obviously you are not a bad guy -- you are a loving caregiver -- but your actions here are not showing you in a good light.)

With Dad in the hospital and Sis tending him while she stays in a motel you may be able to grab a few days of much deserved rest. Take a little time for yourself.

Will Dad be going to rehab after his hospital stay?
tgengine, I have read other previous postings that you have made and it seems like you feel trapped having to care for your father, thank goodness your wife is the glass half full type of person, not many of us have a spouse/sig other who is willing to help out. Yes, I know, that doesn't help with feeling so trapped.

I sense you have a huge concern about your Dad having this knee surgery because of his heart condition, and rightfully so. Did your Dad get a second opinion from another surgeon saying there shouldn't be any problems? I know you might be afraid of your Dad having this surgery because of what happened to your Mom, who didn't survive her surgery.

I don't see why anyone would think you are the bad child because your sister has offered to come in to help. Try a sport's approach... work as a team.
So, explain to me why dad is coming home from the hospital and not going to rehab, because that's what it sounds like the plan is.

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