Strange accusations from Mother.

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I've gotten so where I dread Mom going out of the house. If I sit with her, she comes up with lots of tasks I need to do. If I don't sit with her, she gets mad about something she imagines I've done. Tonight was a topper... literally. She came in so mad at me she had fire coming out of her eyes. She was mad at what I had done to her bushes. She said I had cut the tops off of them. Huh??? It turns out she was talking about the big crepe myrtles trees we have. She's convinced that I've cut the tops off of all of them, so that they look like silly men with hats on. I told her that no one has touched them in years, but she knows I'm lying.

Where do they come up with this stuff? The trees look like always. Maybe it's her eyes or her brain remembering them different. No telling. She took the easiest explanation -- that her 64-yo 5'6" daughter whacked the tops off these 20" tall trees.

Why don't they ever imagine we do good things that make them happy? Why does it have to be something that makes them mad? Maybe anger is an easier emotion to feel?? I don't know.

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I've said it more than once - if it's laugh or cry, I'll take the laugh. Good for you, JessieBelle!
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A little follow-up on this. I talked to a couple of friends about my cutting the tops off trees. I got to see it through their eyes. They thought it was so funny because it was so ridiculous. Hearing other people laugh made it funny to me, too. If I have another tree-massacre accusation, I'll know just what to do -- what Jeanne did. I'll just burst out laughing at how ridiculous it is. It can be good to enter their realities, but not if it is an indictment of yourself.
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AMEN to that!
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Rainmom, my mother didn't fit the narcissistic traits, either. I found a great site of halcyon that broadens the traits of the personality. I sent you a link to the site. It doesn't help in any practical way, but helps us pull back from things that are going on if we understand the games. People can tell us that it is just the disease, but when the disease is overlaid on a preexisting disorder, it can be even messier. I think it is important for us to realize that it isn't us. We're just doing the best we can in a difficult situation.
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Just a side comment...rainmom if narcissistic is not quite a match, I urge you to read about borderline personality disorder. This is another personality disorder that can cause people to be self centered, mean and cause damage to those around them. Reading about borderline may be helpful for you to realize that none of what your mom put you through was your fault. She is sick and you are a strong person to have lived through it and kept a kind and compassionate heart.

Angel
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JessieBelle- I know what you mean about trying to forget or forgive the past. My problem is I just get to the point where I feel some sympathy and forgiveness and then she does something new - and all the related things of a lifetime come back. As for mental illness I'm sure there's something with my mom - I see "narcissistic" mentioned all the time here and I think "yep, she did that and that" but when I looked up the clinical definition it didn't quite fit. But I know she purposely does things to set me off - she's not as good at hiding her smile of satisfaction as she use to - and I see her doing it to my brother - she actually enjoys getting him all worked up - how messed up is that? But - on a scientific note I thought I'd tell you - there is something to the time of day while your mother was outside. Twilight is the most difficult time of day vision wise - the rods and cones of the eyes have the most difficult time adjusting during that period. (Sigh). But yea - my mom can't see her hand in front of her face - cataracts- but she can see I put on a few pounds! Unbelievable!
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My mother's sight is very bad. Her opthamologist says that it is as good as it can be. There's no glasses or anything that will help. She has diabetes, glaucoma, and corneal problems. The gray light at sundown may indeed have made her see things. Or knowing her, she could have imagined a scenario that I had done something, then ruminated on it until it became true.

Something that bothers me with these things more than what is being alleged is the follow-up of how bad I am. Sometimes I wonder if she enjoys getting angry and saying bad things. When I get upset, she looks pleased at times. It could be that she really hates me, but needs me, too. She has always been a hermit, so it may be she resents having to have me here.
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Jessie, is she getting some form of sensory deficit? My mother couldn't see the left half of things. So if you put your finger at noon, and then got her to follow the finger and moved it to 11, then she could see the 11. But if she looked at the clock face, just normally, by herself, she couldn't see that there was a left half. She couldn't either see half a clock, it was just that she couldn't perceive the left hand side of things.

This is really hard to describe! But then it is also eerily weird when it happens.
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This morning I checked the crepe myrtles. They are still standing tall -- 20' to 30' -- and starting to bloom. It made me realize that the lopped trees are something she created in her mind. She stayed out until late last evening and maybe the lighting made her eyes play tricks on her mind. Or maybe she just ruminated the tops of the trees off. I don't know, but the lopped trees don't really exist. I'm not mentioning that to her, because it would just set off an argument. I know it is important to her to be right.

Strangely enough, I went out this morning half expecting to see the tops of the trees gone. Crazy me. We can start buying into their reality if we're not careful. Makes me think of folie a deux, where two people are pulled into the same madness or delusion.

I'm feeling depressed today. There's a lunchtime party at the senior center that I thought I'd go to. I have a couple of friends there that are fun to be with. It should help pick my spirits up some.
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Big hug Jessie. Why not really do something and see what her reaction is then.
No don't get out the chainsaw we don't want to hear your next post from your hospital bed with Mom as your room make nursing the arm you broke. The nurses though it would be so nice to keep you together so they moved out your perfectly sane 60 yr old room mate and wheeled Mom in.
I had a demented room mate for a couple of days followed by a 20 something drug addict who had added alcohol to the mix the night before.
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