When someone is alive you can not do anything. I was called to her home for a visiting nurse elevation. Constantly. I feel I am being used.

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I told her my sister she exploded. She yells at me but not my sister. She confidence in my sister and me she forgets to tell me or I have to search to see what she hides . When question she ignores this question. Constantly. I feel I am being used.


Yes there is something that you can do!!!!! If you have coverage on your health policy, I would recommend seeing a counselor that has the same values that you do. Remember that no one else but you can set boundries!!!!!!! Usually when we fail to set boundries we end up feeling used. This is not an easy situation, including the fact that emotionally and mentally you are involved in the situation. There are no pat or easy answers. But hopefully, you will be able to see a counselor that will be able to give you unbiased counsel. Hopefully that will make the load a little "lighter"
Hun, I wish I could give you the answers to make everything better for you. Just know that you can come on here and vent and Im sure I speak for everyone when I say we are here for you. Hang in there!!! And also provide a little more information on what your going through. Someone might be able to help.
As an after thought, if you do not have coverage on your health policy, most counties or cities have a mental health clinic that you can utilize based on your income. Yes it is good to get on this venue and vent, but it sounds to me like there are some issues that have a long history, and for you own well being seeking professional help would be of great value. In between times, this venue is here to support you.

There are takers and givers, there is pity and no mercy, There are users, abusers
and accusers. 1 gemintherough says "set boundaries". I agree wholeheartedly.
But there is so much more information we need from you to make an honest
evaluation or opinion about what is really going on with you. The users will keep
on using you as long as you let them. There comes a time in life when "NO"
is the only answer in difficult situation, when your heart say YES" and your
mind says "NO" Sometimes you just have to put your foot down and follow
your heart. Take care
First of all I am the poor one and my sister is the loaded one. I have a stomach condition, my sister is healthy. I have medicaid they dont coverage to talk out my problems. Believe me if I did I could tell them all my disappoints I am going threw now. Why is my luck getting so bad. I just found out Medicaid does not cover hospitalization only medical for drs. Thank to our politicians. I have to come up with money one time fee for 6 mo.payment. What happens when we dont have money to pay it? My mother does not care how I live, survive, etc. I lost my husband 6 yrs ago he lelf pennyless. My sister throws money away. Never tells my mother give it to my sister she need it. All my mother does is protect and hide things from me. One day her income tax came in and my mother answer when I wanted to see the taxes she tell me its not my business. But when she need medical help or advise she calls me to help her. If I tell her to call my brother in law who handle her other affair she yell like she is being mugged. She does not care for me treats me like a stepdaughter. All her friends knows I do everything to help her. I go out of my way for her. She rather not talk to me for months. But, if she does not talk to my sister she goes crazy. Can u believe she was having a heart attack waited 2 days for my sister to come in from fla. to take her to NYU. where she needed a stent. My sister knows nothings all she does is sign the consent without asking me.
Hyundi: It sounds like there is a bit of a class war in your family. Your mom has some money, your sister and brother-in-law have money. You do not. However, you live close to your mom, so you see her more often and know more about her health. Still your mom does not want you to be involved in her medical care. She would rather wait for your sis to fly in from Florida than to have you go to the ER with her.

You feel left out. I don't know what you do for your mom on a daily basis because you didn't mention that. You mostly focused on feeling used and not being included in what your mom's financial worth is or being angry that your sis doesn't send some money your way.

I can understand that it is painful to be in such financial need and see other family members who could make such a difference in your life with just a little bit of financial help that would be easy for them to give you. They wouldn't miss it and they spend money on things that are not essential for living without giving it a thought.

What do you want from your mom? It sounds like she questions your ability to make sound decisions. Is there a reason for that? Does the time you spend doing things for you mom take away from your ability to get a job and make a better life for yourself?

If it does, then I think you need to tell your mom that you have to survive and you need to move forward to take care of yourself and get back on your feet. Between your mom and your sister, there is surely enough money to cover the cost of in-home care. Let them manage without you.

You need to focus on taking care of yourself. If your mom chooses to leave something to you when she passes then that will be helpful, but I don't think you are in a position to demand or insist on being included in all of her current finances. It sounds like that decision has been made.

Even if you have taken care of her for years, running errands, getting her to doc appointments, it doesn't matter. She is not seeing you as someone she trusts. You are good for errands, but not confidential info into finances.

This does not seem fair to me, but maybe there is something in your past, decisions you have made, that causes your mom to feel she needs your sis to weigh in on things. I don't know, but if you feel like sharing more, we will all listen and listen with compassion.

Do what is good for you. Take steps to help yourself and let your mom know that you love her, but you can't be in limbo, living on a string, to be available for her needs.

I hope you stay with us and tell us more about your life. How old are you. Did you work previously. My heart goes out to you. Stay with us. Hugs, Cattails

Hyundi: I'd like to highlight a couple of statements from cattail's post:

You need to focus on taking care of yourself.
Do what is good for you.

And, by the way, your mother is not treating you the way I treat my stepdaughters! I love those women and the wonderful grandchildren they have provided for me! I would never do anything deliberately to hurt them or treat them badly, which is sure more than we can say about how your mother treats you.

And I don't know what you mean that medicaid doesn't cover hospitalization. It most certainly does. Could you explain that situation a little more?
Once again! No matter if it is family, friends or enemies!!! you need to set boundaries!!!! NO ONE CAN HELP YOURSELF, BUT YOU!!!! It certainly would be thoughtful, if family members or others would help you our financially, but they are not obligated to. I can empathize with the fact that it sounds like you have some health issues and perhaps are not able to work. But you need to check with the agencies that are available. YES, I realize some of us do not qualify and "fall" through the cracks, so to speak. If you have tried the agencies and gotten nowhere, try calling your state representative or congress person. It is amazing that sometimes, that makes all the difference!!!!! Like I said, this sounds like there is a long history of issues between all of you. There are clinics available that provide mental health services based on your ability to pay or not. We are all just trying our best to give you some suggestions, with the information that you have provided us. Maybe we are missing something. But the last thing that will be helpful to you, is that you become bitter. Set boundaries, and then make new friends and go on with your life and become BETTER , or you can sit around and feel sorry for yourself and the fact that they do not like you and will not share with you and become BITTER! I think in the long run, you would prefer to be BETTER, NOT BITTER. It will be BETTER for your health!

Meant to add this to my last post: Yes, this is a painful situation, but deal with the pain and then make a plan for YOUR life, NOT their's. Sadly, if they choose to treat you poorly, you may have to make a decision, that they will not be a part of your life. Hopefully, it will not have to go to that point, but sometimes in order to keep your own mental health, this may be a decision you have to make.

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