Why are people with multiple disabilities forced to go it alone caring for abusive parents with dementia?

Started by

Then, when these people with the multiple disabilities snap - and kill their parents - why do they get jailed - and still the powers that be still allow it to happen - profoundly disabled people being forced to care for ABUSIVE parents with dementia?


Are you in such a situation? If so please call your local elder care services asap. If you are feeling at your wits end and feel that your safety and the person you are caring for is at risk you need to tell them that. There is help out there, it might not be ideal, but no one is mandated to be the caregiver for their elders.
Good point. We need intervention and awareness. Abusers abused before the dementia. Keep talking!
It's cheaper for the state to let this things happen rather than provide funds. Period. Another reason why it takes so long for traffic lights to be installed at deadly intersections. Another reason why mental homeless wander around who are a danger to everyone and themselves. It is a 'tolerable consequence'. That is what it seems to me anyway. It's all about the state keeping as much money/power as they possibly can. Period. Plus, if you consider the amount of time, effort, and personal funds that go to trying to deal with elder care, mentally ill children (who become the homeless), etc, people do not have the time or energy to deal with an ever increasing controlling state as well. Meanwhile, the state increases the bureaucracies that are supposed to help people. The government, as a charity organization, fails its own guidelines, 'no more than 90% of donations should go to overhead'. I think in government charity the figure is more like 70%. Everyone is aware, folk can intervene as much as they want. There is nowhere and no help for them so this will continue. Sorry.
Twocents I share some of your views for sure, but there is help, if only to prevent a tragedy, it's help none the less. I don't know if the OP is in the situation they described but if they are they need to contact Elder Services for their own protection and that of the person they are caring for.

If the OP is just voicing an opinion on something they read then perhaps they might let us know that this is simply something they want to discuss. The post is provocative and without context.
Exactly what i was thinking to myself - a person who is mentally ill Because of their parent, physically handicapped from the stress of their care, the parent was physically and mentally abusive to the now caregiver. I myself am this person. BUT! I have the INTERNET and am not alone! A person who continues to that next tragic step is like a suicidal person who does not seek help--
There IS help-- A LOT of it. I am now getting help!! Oh, it's costing big bucks, but they cannot avoid seeing the destruction this care has cost me.
I went in to read Bast1965 previous postings under Bast's profile.... click on ANSWERS.... to give me a better understand where Bast is coming from. Bast's mum is now in a nursing home, but prior to that the stress of caregiving created a boat load of medical issues for Bast to deal with now. I hope I am reading that correctly.
How awfully sad! I hope you get some help from this thread Bast1965. I hope you are able to get on the mend now that your Mom is in a home.
Mum has been in a home for a year now. But I am permanently on a walker because of my spine tumours becoming inoperable because I neglected to go to the doctor when I should have - and if it wasn't for me threatening the doctor with legal action, I'd still be coping alone with mum's dementia in spite of being unable to care for myself without help
Just adding to my initial comment - from 2002 until May 2014, the then family doctor and all the carer support groups in south australia actually told me that I had to go it alone - just because I have a disability - argument being, i had plenty of time with nothing to do. Certainly very strange, but I personally know other people who have had the same experiences.

One disabled 50 year old child had had major laminectomy to her neck - yet was forced to be sole carer to her mother - because that's what the mother wanted - and she, the daughter did not have any rights. The poor 50 year old daughter ended up breaking her neck and becoming a quadriplegic. IT was then and only then that her mother was put in a nursing home. The daughter eventually died, but the mother weas still alive.

Then I know of another adult child with a disability forced to care alone for her mother - because that's what the mother wanted. The mother died when the adult child was cc 70. This child then started, for the first time in her live - living and seeking employment - but alas, this poor adult child got breast cancer and died.

Where I used to live, one of my 50 something year old neighbours had a disability - severe epilepsy and intellectual challenges - she was forced to be sole carer to her demented mother - because that's what the mother wanted. This daughter was told she had no rights because of her disability. Her mother used to get really violent and kick her - still she had to keep caring for her mother. Finally, at long last, her mother died - but alas, this poor daugter now has severe bowel cancer, and other issues - all caused by the stress - and she is permanently on a walking frame. Actually, this adult daughter is even worse than me. I can at least shower myself - even though I need a shower stool, courtesy of the stress-induced spinal tumours that were let go too far. This poor girl can't shower herself or dress herself - because of her injuries incurred while caring for her mother. She has to have someone from the local council come in and shower and dress her. She only gets this help three times a week. The rest of the time she has to live in her nightgown - without underwear - very demeaning and horrible life - all because she was forced to care, alone for her mother.

When I was in that situation, one of the carer support groups actually mocked me because of my disability when I contacted them for help with my mother - explaining that I had pre-existing disabilities - courtesy of a history of four major operations - including major back surgery in 2002 - and being forbidden by my neurosurgeon to perform any heavy duties. And, as an aside, my demented mother was 12 stone. I am only 9 stone - yet I was forced to be my mum's human crutch. Mum fell on me once. Because I don't drive, I had to do the shopping for mum and I with just a small two-wheel trolley you pull behind you - another thing my neurosurgeon forbad me to do. At one stage, I did break the law by buying and using a 4-wheel laundry trolley - also a 4-wheel kitchen trolley to do my shopping. But at the shopping centre, some of the elderly women and elderly men staged something similar to a citizens arrest - they came at me with a supermarket trolley, clipped my wheels and tried to pull them off. One elderly gentlemen threatened to punch me in the head when I asked him not to. Well, I was breaking the law trundling up the street with a 4-wheel trolley - but it was better than damaging my neck. I am very lucky I didn't get arrested - but it may have got me the help I needed - albeit with a criminal record on my part.

Keep the conversation going (or start a new one)

Please enter your Comment

Ask a Question

Reach thousands of elder care experts and family caregivers
Get answers in 10 minutes or less
Receive personalized caregiving advice and support