My burnout is complete.
For the past 15 months my life has changed considerably and not for the best. Mom’s accident, care of her, care for dad, moving them to AL last fall etc. I was strong with everything. But my folks have been pretty unhappy at their AL place (Nov 2015) even though its lovely and they (at times) agree it’s nice (they loved in the beginning.) Such lovely residents and staff but the dependency on me is too intense and it’s time I broke away a bit. I do regret moving them so close to me but I really thought it would be easier. I am getting them established with doctor appointments and though the AL place can take them they can't in the beginning. Some of the appts aren't that big a deal anyway.
However my dad's depression has hit an all-time low recently (even with medication and recent therapy) and he is now in the psych ward for the elderly here in town for the next few weeks. It's a great hospital that I know will help him. We are very lucky it’s local but after he comes back to AL...I have no idea how he will do. Poor man has had a lifetime of depression but has worked so hard overcoming it. Being at AL isn't helping his state of mind as he sees it as an end. He is physically in great shape. He has several more years if not more but without a decent outlook on life what’s the point? My mom’s sleeping patterns suck so I have to get her meds looked at as I know one or two knock her out in the morning. That’s no life! If I can get my parents to read again that would be the greatest! They both are big readers! No…I can’t have them live with us. There is no point in that as they do require too much care now and they have the money to oversee this.
My mom needs to take this time and get to know people more personally at AL. She has but not enough. She is now eating meals with a few of them. She misses dad terribly and that's understandable but I can't babysit her every day. My own health both mental and physical is starting to fade. My hair has started to fall out. AUGH! My siblings try but I am taking on 90% of most of this. I have accepted it and too many families have this similar situation. I have little fun in my life this year. I am just tired. My blood pressure is A-ok shockingly.
By mid-summer I will be giving most of the responsibilities over to the AL place as I can't do it anymore. I have such respect for you all who actually live with this for years in your own homes.
Caregiver burnout is intense and very real. When your own life is unrecognizable to you it’s time to make changes. Thanks for reading.
I miss my dad :'(