My burnout is complete.

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For the past 15 months my life has changed considerably and not for the best. Mom’s accident, care of her, care for dad, moving them to AL last fall etc. I was strong with everything. But my folks have been pretty unhappy at their AL place (Nov 2015) even though its lovely and they (at times) agree it’s nice (they loved in the beginning.) Such lovely residents and staff but the dependency on me is too intense and it’s time I broke away a bit. I do regret moving them so close to me but I really thought it would be easier. I am getting them established with doctor appointments and though the AL place can take them they can't in the beginning. Some of the appts aren't that big a deal anyway.
However my dad's depression has hit an all-time low recently (even with medication and recent therapy) and he is now in the psych ward for the elderly here in town for the next few weeks. It's a great hospital that I know will help him. We are very lucky it’s local but after he comes back to AL...I have no idea how he will do. Poor man has had a lifetime of depression but has worked so hard overcoming it. Being at AL isn't helping his state of mind as he sees it as an end. He is physically in great shape. He has several more years if not more but without a decent outlook on life what’s the point? My mom’s sleeping patterns suck so I have to get her meds looked at as I know one or two knock her out in the morning. That’s no life! If I can get my parents to read again that would be the greatest! They both are big readers! No…I can’t have them live with us. There is no point in that as they do require too much care now and they have the money to oversee this.
My mom needs to take this time and get to know people more personally at AL. She has but not enough. She is now eating meals with a few of them. She misses dad terribly and that's understandable but I can't babysit her every day. My own health both mental and physical is starting to fade. My hair has started to fall out. AUGH! My siblings try but I am taking on 90% of most of this. I have accepted it and too many families have this similar situation. I have little fun in my life this year. I am just tired. My blood pressure is A-ok shockingly.
By mid-summer I will be giving most of the responsibilities over to the AL place as I can't do it anymore. I have such respect for you all who actually live with this for years in your own homes.
Caregiver burnout is intense and very real. When your own life is unrecognizable to you it’s time to make changes. Thanks for reading.
I miss my dad :'(

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Ugh I feel ya.

I wonder at what point to replace frustration with compassion that is ceaseless. Not sure if I can?

People keep telling me GET HELP GET HELP but they refuse help and things are spiraling down. I can't force them to do anything and my siblings disagree.

Dad might do and like AL. Mom - no way.

I feel like I miss my parents and yet they are right here.

God I hate this stage.
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Hi everyone how do I sign out? The forum has changed a bit since I was last here.
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It sounds like the move was hard on them. I think they need to socialize, make new friends, etc. My grandma is 96 and in poor health but belongs to a few clubs and they pick the people up for the meetings, luncheon, activities. They might be happier and more accepting of the move if they find ways to become part of the community.
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Oh my! Please take no offense that an outsider might be tempted to label her as a narcissistic drama queen.......Write a note for the doctor sharing what you just did and ask IN THE NOTE if she could try some antianxiety drugs. Celexa was a miracle for us, but they all work differently on different folks. Hope it goes well.
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Update on my situation....
I have tried everything imaginable including group therapy, private therapy, another therapist that comes to her room, medication, every possibly creature comfort imaginable, trips, dinners out, visitations from so many etc etc. She's still so unhappy more often than not.
After spending the past 2+ hours taking her to the doctor today she ends our trip by telling me I am not a lady because I swear from time to time.
She picks fights. Never contend. Miserable. Unhappy for the most part. Whines, moans, and complains no stop! And the crying! OMG the crying! Over nothing!
Overly sensitive on the slightest things! Major melt downs every other week. I love my mom but "this mom" is out of it completely. ..I don't like her much. She doesn't have dementia she's just mean more often now.
She can't let go of stuff either. She is still upset over stuff that happened 25 years ago!
Picks, picks, picks about things that feed her anger! I have to be very honest....I just wish she'd pass on. She's lived a great long life. She's done more things in her life than most people ever will. I lost her twice already. If she could just STOP the negativity and the b^t&h*ng and moaning and just enjoy life I'd visit every day! But she can't.
I adore my father to the point that if she died I'd invite him to live with us. I love him that much! So does my husband.

I am going on medication to help me through this with mom. She's far too taxing on my nerves. Tomorrow she is getting evaluated for her mental health by a doctor.
Any suggestions would be most appreciated!
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I did the same thing, moved to their home, took care of them. So what about my hubbie and kids? Finally realization hit me like a brick. So, we moved them with us. I have my hubbie and kids back and I know they and me are under care. I still have to do it all but it is in my space and I have my family back and they have my back.
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i loved my mother dearly. Gavd up my life.so.she could stay in ber own home and it never occurred to her how great a sacrifice I made, just for "her" peace of mind while I lost mine, and my hair. I became sedentary and aged too quickly. And for what? So mama could stay at her own home, thoigh i left mine 3 whole nights and four days every week. I finally had tongive in and out her in a nursing home. PLEASE: havebthis talk with your own kids and spouse now, while you have all your men%al capacities and tell them i=s ok to put you in a nursing home and get rid of your car when the time comes. You.wont "know" you have dementia and will believe you can take care of yourself." Give them your blessings now and tell them not to feel guilty or intimidated. Just do what's necessary. Your loved ones dont know they have dementia and you wont either.
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freqflyer- I know what you mean about not wanting to take pills. I've had three back surgeries and am actively denying I need a forth. When my doctor first prescribed oxycodone I got all freaked out, worrying about addiction and turning into a crack-whore. So I'd only take one when I couldn't take the pain one more minute. I ended up back at the doctor who referred me to a pain clinic. There I learned that for pain meds to be effective in chronic conditions you have to "stay ahead of the pain". They told me to start my day with a pill and stay on a regular schedule taking a pill before the pain got bad. Guess what? It worked and while not a perfect senerio my pains been manageable for several years now - and I haven't had to resort to selling my organs on the black market in order to buy meth! Soooo - like it or not - if a pill will help fix what ails us, when nothing else helps, I say go for it! I mean, why suffer needlessly, right?
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Rainmom, on my gosh, I am on the same path with the hair loss around the forehead/bangs... and the weight gain. I take iron tablets once in awhile, for me I found it make me think better... will try them on a more frequent basis and see what happens for my thinning hair. I am tired of unclogging the bathtub every couple of months.

As for the weight gain, good grief, it all settled into the stomach area... and trying to find a blue jean that didn't make me look like a capital P was a major chore in itself... finally L.L. Bean had a blue jean that worked. I can now go out in the daylight instead of only at night :P

I also don't know how people do it having their elderly parent under the same roof... my parents were in their own home, me in mine... but the running back and forth... the lack of common sense on their part, like Dad climbing ladders at 94 to change a ceiling light bulb. Just couldn't get my parents to "get with the program", and to stop denying they were aging and needed more help.

Now my primary doctor is looking into anti-depressants for me.... oh how I hate to take meds... but now a days there is a DNA test which will help decide which family of anti-depressants would work best for me.
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JJGood - like things aren't stressful enough, right? I'd find myself looking in the mirror and thinking "great! Now I can't even grow hair correctly"! To top things off I had also developed a mystery rash - that after nearly a year of seeing a dermatologist and using different rx creams was eventually diagnosed as "stress related eczema". Sort of unusual I was told - to develope eczema for the first time at age 50. So things weren't stressful enough - my dad passing, my mother becoming more difficult with each passing day - now I had a mile high forehead, an inch wide part in my hair, and a rash that wouldn't go away. Throw in my weight peaking at an all time high and I was a mess! I just wasn't prepared to deal with all the pain, responsiblity and stress that comes with looking after aging, sick parents. I mean, who is? And compared to a lot of folks I've got it easy! I don't know how people do it - live with the parent 24/7 and take care of their every needs and wants. It's mentioned on this site frequently- that with baby boomers creeping towards retirement-plus, things have to change in how we are caring for/dealing with the elderly - resources that just didn't seem to be a consideration with the advent of Medicare and Social Security. As a society, I wonder if things will be better or worse -say, ten years from now.
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